Severely overweight tween at risk T2

[draigwen]

Hi there,

I have a 12 year old who was 90th centile at birth and remained large throughout childhood (she's 5' 7" and weighs 95kg). Both her father and I have struggled with excessive weight. He had bariatric surgery and I maintain my weight through regular cycles of fasting and keto (after 30 years of dieting this is the only thing that's worked). I have a significant amount of T1 and T2 diabetes in my family.

Our GP has tested her bloods and says all is normal/satisfactory. She has shadowy marks on her neckline and underarms, which I've researched and indicate pre-diabetes. She's also constantly tired, hungry and anxious.

I'm not getting much help from school or GP. I've restricted the availability of sugary food at home but she's now at the point where she's become a very picky/restricted eater. She can buy her own food in school and go to the shops independently, where she will buy and then binge on junk.

I'm worried about her weight but also the risk of her developing an eating disorder. I'm aware of the potential damage this can do to her self-esteem and the need for us, as parents, to tread sensitively. We love her unconditionally and steer well away from any body-shaming. We just want her to be healthy and have a good start. Our other kids are normal weight, so I feel gutted that she's inherited this tendency from us but I'm also keen to focus on solutions and take responsibility.

Does anyone have any helpful advice, resources, specialists they can point me to?

Cheers,

DW

 

[Thebearcametoo]

The doctor says her bloods are fine and there’s no sign of diabetes so I would take that over any signs that may or may not be related to pre diabetes. The blood tests are the best indicator.

Tween girls need energy to grow and that includes carbs. Puberty is rough. Society is unforgiving on girls and women who take up space. Encourage her to eat meals including desserts rather than snacking. Encourage her to move her body in ways she finds enjoyable. Try not to worry too much.

 

[Drummer]

As someone growing up when the ideal was Twiggy I got a lot of insults as a teenager even though I was simply curvaceous.
Like all the family I found that once I was trying to eat a 'normal' diet I put on weight around my middle, and all those carbs did not result in more energy - quite the reverse.
A low carb is not restricted - rather the reverse, there is always something to eat, but it has the added advantage of being nutritious and sustaining, so hunger is unlikely.
Eating protein and fat - yes, honestly, is the best way to have glowing skin glossy hair and bags of energy. No one in the family ever suffered with spots or acne, by the way, despite always having the low fat mantra repeated and repeated.
If your daughter has the sort of metabolism which flourishes on low carb then life will be far easier for her on that way of eating. The dark skin would seem to indicate that there is a problem in the making for her.
I brought up two children fairly low carb, both have grown tall and handsome/beautiful with clear skin and good hair - my daughter's hair is a yard long glossy mane much like mine was when I let it grow.

 

[Inka]

Welcome @draigwen 🙂 I understand your concern. You’ve probably used the NHS calculator and are well aware of your daughter’s weight centile. It’s disappointing your GP isn’t very supportive. Could you ask for a referrral to a dietician?

I'm not getting much help from school or GP. I've restricted the availability of sugary food at home but she's now at the point where she's become a very picky/restricted eater. She can buy her own food in school and go to the shops independently, where she will buy and then binge on junk.

I note you say you restrict sweet treats - do you think that could be partly why she’s buying things when she’s out? In what way has she become a picky eater? That sounds concerning. Do you know why she’s restricting her eating/food choices? Is it in an attempt to lose weight? To control? To reject your help in planning healthy meals for her? Other reasons?

Longterm of course diabetes is a risk, but my main concerns here would be her weight and what might be the beginning of disordered eating. That latter thing needs attention more than the weight IMO because it will impact on that hugely. Is she being bullied because of her weight at all?

You’re very sensible to tread extremely carefully. I suggest you first try to speak to your daughter in a listening way. Don’t give any impression at all of judging or disapproving. Don’t just talk about food and weight. Talk about school, her friends, her hobbies, her hopes for the future, her feelings, her likes and dislikes.

BEAT are good for eating disorders:

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

.