Rant sorry guys

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Jacinta (Australian)

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Hello lovelies ,
So again my fiancées dad doesn’t understand low carb and thinks the total opposite , for the last 3-4 days his been having a child tantrum because I have low carb ice cream on my freezer downstairs and he gets pissy if I tell him no it’s my special ice cream that I want to enjoy , then he goes you know you can have normal ice cream yeah I probably could but I choose not to as keto ice cream tastes good . He wants me to have normal ice cream so he can eat the hole tub like he normally does sorry but when I want ice cream I could never get any because he eats it like it’s the end of the world hence why I don’t get normal ice cream. I’m trying my hardest to ignore him but he makes it loud enough so you hear it and have to listen , so I usually walk off and he then goes quiet unless I tell my fiancée , he goes near the supermarket all the time but his excuse is oh I forgot , yeah cool what do you want me to do about it , oh to have yours , uh nope that’s mine and mine only , but he goes sharing is caring I’m like more the fact you eat it all so no one gets any and I want to have my special ice cream so I can enjoy it . I hate when his on holidays because he does this every time , he complains constantly because I’m on low carb and that he thinks all carbs are okay and I should include pasta , rice , potato and stop being a sook about it . I’m over trying to explain everything to him because he gets pissy at oh your hungry you should of eaten a fatty juicey burger with the buns , because I ate fatty fish with veggies and some gravy for dinner tonight . Sorry but I eat what I want to eat and if that means I eat dinner then so be it . His a full grown adult that loves to complain about everything because I know how to eat healthy where he eats noodles , 4 sandwich’s then complains that his still hungry , where I’m not and he drills me about how I do it an I explain to him every time but he goes into denial all the time and thinks he knows everything when he doesn’t . I don’t want my blood sugars to go up and my stress to go out of whack hence why I’m just saying it in this forum.


Thankyou for letting me rant .
 
After trying to read through what you have written my advice would be that you both need to get a life 🙂

Bottom line is what he eats is his business and what you eat is yours. Concentrate on yourself not him and if you so stressed about some ice cream then get a lockable container stick it in their and hide the key problem solved 🙂
 
Buy a small tub of your fave ice cream and don't leave it lying about. Scarf it! 🙂 Eat your healthy dinners and ignore him. He's obviously a prune.
 
Pumper_Sue said:
After trying to read through what you have written my advice would be that you both need to get a life 🙂

Bottom line is what he eats is his business and what you eat is yours. Concentrate on yourself not him and if you so stressed about some ice cream then get a lockable container stick it in their and hide the key problem solved 🙂
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Um excuse you ??? You could of totally been nicer then that by a long shot . Hence why it’s a rant . Im not stressed out about the ice cream at all, I’m aloud to enjoy my own ice cream without someone else eating it on me . But yeah you need to be a lot nicer then what you just said
 
I like a good rant and hope yours got it all off your chest @Jacinta (Australian).

Next time your father in law gets on your case you could try putting your arm round him, giving him a kiss on the forehead and explain to him how getting old can lead to somebody becoming self centred and crotchety, and that you understand.

Probably won't make any difference but it might - if you can keep a straight face.
 
Or if you don't feel that it's up to you to accomodate him being an a**e, maybe tell him to shut it or you'll report him to the tax office.
 
Just want to offer moral support. I get your frustration and annoyance in that situation even if I can't think of a witty response like the two above. Rant away, you are totally justified.
 
I recall saying to someone who was trying to dictate what I did 'I'm quite capable of making my own mistakes without your help' and that shut them up. I can't even remember exactly what it was about now, a card game of bridge I think.
 
Docb said:
I like a good rant and hope yours got it all off your chest @Jacinta (Australian).

Next time your father in law gets on your case you could try putting your arm round him, giving him a kiss on the forehead and explain to him how getting old can lead to somebody becoming self centred and crotchety, and that you understand.

Probably won't make any difference but it might - if you can keep a straight face.
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Lol Docb I can do that but he will have to be sitting for me to be able to reach his forehead as if he stands his like 6 ft and I’m a short butt . Can’t grantee I’d keep a straight face lol but it’s worth a shot
 
Leadinglights said:
I recall saying to someone who was trying to dictate what I did 'I'm quite capable of making my own mistakes without your help' and that shut them up. I can't even remember exactly what it was about now, a card game of bridge I think.
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I’ve said that to him on more than one occasion sometimes he shuts it other times he keeps going . There’s somedays where I want low carb ice cream especially coming home from work and to at least enjoy it as I don’t eat ice cream all the time .
 
I’ve just had all this with my mum! They (both parents) came up for a few days, on the whole it was nice but she spoils it all because all she does is criticise everyone and everything and doesn’t seem to be able to find anything nice to say about anyone. But if you dare to point out that her asthma probably wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as it is if she hadn’t smoked for most of her life, all hell breaks loose! She spent a good 15 minutes in the pub complaining loudly about all the people who tell her what to do and how she hates it because she’s perfectly capable of managing her own life thank you, then declared loudly that when we all ordered pudding that “puddings should be banned because they are so bad for you!” So that’s not telling us what to do then? And smoking isn’t bad for you?? We all have our vices!

I thought that having a type 1 mum would help enormously when my daughter was diagnosed, but unfortunately it has worked the opposite way and she gets really stroppy and seems to think that we are doing everything wrong. To be fair to mum, she was diagnosed in 1967 when there was no blood testing equipment available, she takes fixed doses of insulin and then eats similar amounts of food every day and sticks rigidly to routine. She’s happy with that and I don’t think I’ve ever suggested that she should be doing anything else, after all she’s been dealing with diabetes longer than I’ve been alive so who am I to tell her what to do! Sadly she doesn’t seem to be able to treat us with the same respect. When my daughter first got her pump I told mum a bit about it because I thought she was interested, but since then all she’s done is complain that it’s too complicated and we test too often. Actually we were doing the bare minimum for being on a pump and I tried to explain why on several occasions but to no avail. (It doesn’t seem to occur to her that now we’ve got Dexcom we can just check our phones every 10 minutes if we wish!). This time we were in a doughnut shop and she just started complaining loudly that “it’s too complicated these days, when I was diagnosed you were given lists of foods that you can eat and that you can’t, and it was so easy!”. Yes well things have moved on since then, we’ve been taught to match the insulin to the food not the other way round which gives you much more flexibility to eat what you like, we don’t find it complicated at all, it’s quite easy when you’ve got the hang of it, and my daughter’s last hbA1c was 43 whereas mum’s is apparently over 100 and she claims that the doctor says that’s good for her! Um well if it’s a choice of restricting your diet and getting a hba1c not much lower than when my daughter was newly diagnosed, or eating whatever you like and getting a really good result, then I know which method I prefer thank you!

I think maybe she’s jealous, that she’s stuck to the things she learnt many years ago and that she understands and we’ve just come along, followed a completely different system and got much better results by apparently breaking all her rules. I’m sorry that she doesn’t understand how we do it, but as it quite clearly works I don’t know why she can’t just leave us to get on with it! And she can carry on with her “easy” method if that’s what suits her. I just wish I knew what to do about it, this time I managed to bite my tongue and not spoil everyone’s weekend, but I know that if she carries on like that I am seriously going to lose my temper with her one day :(

There that’s my rant over, you’re not the only one with irritating relatives! I wonder if my daughter will rant about me one day?!
 
Alas, @Sally71 , I think it is a parental prerogative to know best.
In some ways, it is great that no one else in my family have (of any type) but it doesn't stop them having an opinion.
 
@Sally71 I think you are right that there is an element of unconscious jealously. It must have been incredibly difficult for her to be so disciplined with that regime for almost all of her life and probably no one to offload onto like we do on the forum sometimes. She is essentially institutionalized by that regime and at her age it must seem impossible to change. Food is such a joy but we all know how diabetes can impact our lives even when we have more choice through MDI or a pump. Not saying you don't have every right to be frustrated with her and I would be tearing my hair out in you situation but it must be galling to see your daughter eating all the lovely foods that she has had to abstain from all her life.... and getting much better results. That must make her feel bitter. It is like an animal that has been caged all it's life and when you open the cage door, it won't step outside. I had a horse like that once. Had him in a paddock with an electric fence for a year and when I took down the electric fence, he wouldn't step over the line, even though there was lush grass on the other side. Couldn't even tempt him over with a mint. I had to go and get a head collar and put it on and lead him over the line. Feel really sad for your mother but absolutely no excuse for making your life difficult,
 
@rebrascora thank you for that take on things, I will try to remember that. I’ve long since stopped telling mum what my daughter’s hbA1c is, in case it sounds like I’m boasting. But I wish I knew what else I could do. I try not to mention diabetes at all now but it always seems to crop up somehow, especially as dad is interested in how we do things and asks lots of questions! Mum seems very bitter about a lot of things actually. Another one is technology, she’s a real technophobe, probably because she doesn’t understand it very well. She moans on and on about bloody computers and people being stuck to their phones all the time on Facebook. I don’t like Facebook either, but I do realise that it has its uses and if other people like it then that’s their business. Dad tried to show her how to send an email once, which she did, but then the next time she tried to do the same and it didn’t work and instead of trying to find out what went wrong she just threw a tantrum and stomped off and refused to try again. For a while every time we saw them at some point she’d get in a moan about “bloody computers, what was wrong with doing everything with pen and paper”. I put up with this for many months but eventually one day just lost the plot and yelled at her “yes we know you don’t like computers, you tell us every time we see you, has it ever occurred to you that we do like them, we know they aren’t perfect but they are useful quite a lot of the time, and I don’t see why we should be permanently banned from talking about something that we’re interested in just because you don’t agree.” She stomped off to bed and the rest of the visit was a bit awkward. I apologised to my dad but he said it was fair enough. I really don’t want to do that again but it gets harder and harder. She doesn’t seem to approve of this forum, what’s wrong with people trying to help each other? She didn’t like it when I started to tell her how I’ve been helping my friend whose husband has just been diagnosed with type 2. I didn’t barge in and tell them what to do, they asked me so I told them as much as I’ve picked up off this forum about type 2 and they said they are finding it very helpful. But mum thinks it’s bad for some reason. She doesn’t seem to approve of a lot of things... but if you dare to mention something which she might have done less than perfectly then she goes mental and makes all sorts of excuses. Poor mum, I think she’d be a lot happier if the world had stayed exactly as it was in the 1960s, because she understood it then!
 
Sally71 said:
his time we were in a doughnut shop and she just started complaining loudly that “it’s too complicated these days, when I was diagnosed you were given lists of foods that you can eat and that you can’t, and it was so easy!”.
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I was diagnosed in 1965 and it took my Mum 5 mins to work out that each exchange was 10 carbs so she set about writing to manufacturers asking for carb counts so I was very lucky having a forward thinking mum so grew up no different than my two brothers. It also didn't take her long to work out carb ratios either so I suspect I was probably one of if not the first to actually have dose adjustment back in the 60's and 70's.
Nothing was ever out of bounds as long as Mum knew what I was eating or wanted to eat. Slight amendment as sweets were limited to 3.30pm when we cam home from school and that applied to my brothers as well.

I consider myself very lucky to have such a forward thinking mum and it still shocks me when I meet and or hear of people still stuck in the olden days time warp.
 
Wow you are very lucky @Pumper_Sue . You are a little younger than my mum (she was 22 at diagnosis) but diagnosed around the same time and your attitude to your diabetes is completely the opposite to hers! I often think of you when she’s complaining about us testing too much! My mum can’t be bothered to put the effort in to improve, she says the doctor is pleased with her but I don’t believe that for a moment, he probably just realises it’s futile to suggest even the slightest change to her regime to try to improve things because she just won’t listen. She even yelled at me once “you can’t get it perfect so why bother trying!” Um... because it must feel pretty rubbish if your blood sugars are at extremes, so if you can smooth out some of those bumps a little bit why would you not want to? But I shan’t suggest that she asks to go on a DAFNE course because I know what reaction I’ll get. I do sort of understand that she doesn’t want to learn a whole lot of new stuff at her age, but if that’s the case I don’t know why she can’t just quietly get on with her way and let us get on with ours and be pleased that I’ve tried my best to keep her granddaughter as healthy as possible! One of my pet hates is people who just moan, moan, moan, but when you try to suggest a solution they can’t be bothered to do it. Well it can’t be that bad a problem then, so shut up... and I’d better stop now before I end up just as bad!
 
@Sally71 I agree 100% I was extremely lucky to have such a forward thinking Mum. When told I couldn't do this or that it was always my mission to prove them wrong.

I quite agree about the perfect comment from your Mum though as I tried and tried to get perfect numbers and I find it healthier mentally and physically to have a target which I set and if I go above then I just count the result as a number and move on. It's so much easier not to dwell on a number 🙂

In certain aspects your Mum sounds like mine regarding computers, she wont have one or even a TV yet if she wants anything online she soon asks for either little brother or me to get it for her 🙂

Sally71 said:
One of my pet hates is people who just moan, moan, moan, but when you try to suggest a solution they can’t be bothered to do it. Well it can’t be that bad a problem then, so shut up... and I’d better stop now before I end up just as bad!
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Oh I agree 100% and even worse when the moaner makes every excuse under the sun as to why they can't or wont follow through with suggestions made and think they have major health problems that only a consultant can fix.

My Uncle who passed last year at the age of 86 was stuck in the 1960's regarding his diabetes as well and he didn't want to change either :( Mind you having lived with diabetes the same time as me and it was age that caught up with him in the end he didn't do badly 🙂
 
LOL yes when my daughter was first diagnosed I tried to micromanage everything to perfection and got very frustrated when it didn’t work, and I’d get stressed every time we got a high number and so on. Took quite a while to learn to relax a bit, but I got there in the end and I’d hope that mum can see the difference, although her comment about perfection was only made recently, I think she thinks that the whole carb counting thing is making too much fuss! We’re coming up to 10 years in July (where did that go?!) so I’d hope by now that we can just about manage anything that the diabetes fairy can throw at us!

Apologies @Jacinta (Australian) , I seem to have taken over your thread, I shall go now as I need to stop dwelling on my mother’s annoying habits and go and think about something more positive instead!
 
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