Posts, responses and cliques

[Northerner]

I was sorry to see the recent departure of a member due to a lack of response to their posts, so I thought I'd start a discussion thread about it. I know this may be a contentious issue, so can I please ask people to respect forum guidelines if you respond. 🙂

I know myself the disappointment when people don't get much response to their posts - I have been on many other forums and often get no response for days, sometimes none at all. I think that, on the whole, our forum is pretty good at responding, with the average number of responses being around 10-15 posts per thread. Obviously, there will be extremes at either end of that. Some forums get an average of 2-3 responses per thread despite having much larger memberships.

I think that maybe part of the problem is that we are a fairly active forum, so new threads can move down the page very quickly sometimes, so it can be missed by people who might have responded but weren't online. Also, don't necessarily be misled into thinking that lots of people are reading your post and ignoring it - the number of views contains a number of search engine 'bots' who continually crawl the web indexing new material. The posts will also be read by a number of 'guests' who either aren't registered and therefore can't respond, or people who are members but unable/unwilling to log in if they are at work etc. or using a phone that makes it difficult to reply. Many people also tell me that they read regularly but don't feel they have anything to add, or they are shy, or a number of other reasons.

We do have a number of regular posters, many of whom have formed personal friendships, but I think that it's also true that regular posters often post things that get few responses - it's just that the overall impression is they get lots of responses due to the number of threads they start.

I don't know what the answer is. I certainly wouldn't want the place to become some sort of 'club'. Everyone is welcome to post or read according to their inclination, and I want people to feel that this is a place they can come for help and support in managing their diabetes. My aim has always been to respond to the posts I can and try and encourage a friendly and supportive atmosphere, but clearly this is failing for some people. If anyone has any suggestions for how things might be improved, I'd be happy to hear them! 🙂

 

[Steff]

I also hate the fact we have lost a perfectly great member for this reason, As for as im aware theres no known clicks on here, maybe they are some more active members who do seem to get alot of replies etc etc, but i certainly personally dont ignore peoples post, at times if i feel i cant add anything or answer a persons question then i wont for example if someone posted something in the pumping section then i would not reply unless it was to say good luck when there starting on a pump.

 

[ukjohn]

Alan. I do'nt think any changes are needed, I believe that you and the mods run a very good forum, whatever happens it is not possible to satisfy everyone 100% but in my experience over the years of running and managing groups, this one is amongst the best.

I must admit that I was one of those that felt on times that I was not getting a response to my threads. I also felt that on responding to threads, it brought an end to that thread and I started to believe it was because of me.
But then I sat back and thought about things and realised that I have been here 2 years from the day the group started, but I have posted less than 500 times, so maybe the fault is mine and not anyone elses. I add no pressure to myself now to respond, but just to share and enjoy the posts of others and respond when I feel the need.

One other very important thing I will mention is that on the two occasions I decided to take a break from this forum, within a couple of days, I have recieved a PM from Steffie checking that I am OK. Thats the strength of this forum, people that care and show it.

Now I'm afraid to leave, because Steffie will hunt me down

Thanks Steffie, in spite of going through problems of your own, you are a true friend to us all.

John

 

[Northerner]

Thanks for your input guys, much appreciated 🙂

 

[mimms2]

Im fairly new to all this , but hope , the little i do contribute does help .
I ve added a couple posts but dont really expect much in reply , sometimes just putting it down in text helps .
We all need a shoulder to cry on , lol ,
Our diabetic problems differ from person to person , so I cant relate to some posts , but I do try to read most of them ,
#WELL DONE TO ALL THOSE WHO MANAGE AND MOD THESE BOARDS ,

 

[Steff]

Alan. I do'nt think any changes are needed, I believe that you and the mods run a very good forum, whatever happens it is not possible to satisfy everyone 100% but in my experience over the years of running and managing groups, this one is amongst the best.

I must admit that I was one of those that felt on times that I was not getting a response to my threads. I also felt that on responding to threads, it brought an end to that thread and I started to believe it was because of me.
But then I sat back and thought about things and realised that I have been here 2 years from the day the group started, but I have posted less than 500 times, so maybe the fault is mine and not anyone elses. I add no pressure to myself now to respond, but just to share and enjoy the posts of others and respond when I feel the need.

One other very important thing I will mention is that on the two occasions I decided to take a break from this forum, within a couple of days, I have recieved a PM from Steffie checking that I am OK. Thats the strength of this forum, people that care and show it.

Now I'm afraid to leave, because Steffie will hunt me down

Thanks Steffie, in spite of going through problems of your own, you are a true friend to us all.

John

John thank you means alot, just the type of person i am if i dont see a member on for abit i like to check there doing ok.Dont go saying I will hunt you down on my rep will plummet 😛

 

[bigpurpleduck]

Alan, I don't think there's very much you or the moderators can do about this issue. If people feel they can't contribute to a thread, then they won't. It would be sad if people felt "guilted" into replying to something they felt they had nothing to comment on.

That said, I completely understand the frustration felt by those who feel they're not receiving many responses. I have felt this on this forum before, too. But I have noticed that I only ever feel this way when I'm feeling down about my diabetes anyway. Lack of responses doesn't come into my head if I'm feeling positive. I wonder whether this is the case for others, too. If so, I certainly feel like I could make more effort to help when someone is feeling below par. I sometimes avoid angry, frustrated threads because I don't want to get involved - but if someone's struggling, this is really not fair, and I actually think quite cowardly of me. I am vowing to myself now that I will try to help more if someone's having a down day, week, month or year.

I think it is worth bearing in mind that everyone's diabetes is different. If someone has posted about something very specific related to their own diabetes, for example an issue with a pump, then this will inevitably mean fewer replies from those on MDI or those with Type 2. Or, if there is a post about metformin, very few Type 1s will be able to comment. When you're having a down day, it's difficult to remember that not everyone can help - but remember this we must. Nobody on the forum means it as a personal snub when they don't reply - it's just that there are so many posts, and so many things that can be discussed, it's difficult to reply to every one. I know it's difficult when you're feeling low, but I think a lack of replies needs to be kept within context. If I'm a bit miffed about not having many replies, I try to focus instead on the replies I did get, & the support I've had in the past, and what it means to me that those people are helping and supporting me at a difficult time.

I hope I haven't ruffled any feathers. I do completely sympathise with the frustration of few replies, and I am always very sad to see a member leave for any reason.

 

[bev]

I personally dont *know* of any cliques and would hate to think someone feels left out. I doubt there is an answer to this because people will only answer a thread if they feel they want to - and if they feel they have something relevant to add. I dont often reply to threads to people with type 2 - mainly because I dont know enough about type 2 to be able to advise - unless it is about carbs or insulin doses. I dont often reply to sport threads either - but that doesnt mean I dont like the people who post on there.🙂

There was a comment made recently (cant remember who made it now) where someone said that they felt annoyed that people responded to threads with 'sorry to hear this' or 'hope you feel better tomorrow' as they said that this wasnt helpful at all and all it did was to add to the number of hits on here - so I think that some people do feel that if they arent even allowed to say things like this then they just wont bother. I often read threads and dont reply - not because I dislike the person - simply because I dont know the answer or someone else has already answered the question. I think it should also be remembered that we are all under pressure and stress and have our own worries and troubles in the 'real world' and if we spent every waking hour answering all the threads then we just wouldnt have enough time.

It is sad if someone feels like this - and it would be better if someone could PM a moderator if they did and then people could be made aware of it. I think it is healthy to talk about it though - so well done for starting the thread and well done to the person who initially brought the subject up - it takes courage to make a stand on a forum this big and hopefully there will be a way around this issue and no-one else will feel left out in future.🙂Bev

 

[HelenM]

I think that this is one of the most supportive diabetes forums on the net. I have read it from the start, though I didn't join until later. There has been an incredible growth in experience and knowledge since those early days.
Some people have 'grown up' together so it's inevitable that they've become friends but I haven't noticed that other people are ignored.
Maybe people have become too helpful and expectations have risen too high ! The question that precipitated this was someone asking a question that needed an immediate response and not getting it after 25min. I don't think that expecting that sort of response is reasonable for all the reasons other people have stated in the thread. ( and pragmatically, I am many miles away from being able to buy the product mentioned so it's not in my cupboard but I was able to find the answer in less than a couple of minutes)

We are all different. I read it a lot, don't post that much (member for the same length of time as Steffie, she has over 20,000 posts, I have 275, my PM box has 3 pms but then again I don't send them either) .
I tend to give very factual responses, partly because my experiences being in a different country are different, but also because incidents on forums in the past have caused me to become very cautious of revealing too much about myself. The support I receive through reading is far more subtle, perhaps vicarious. However, it's good to know that you are there if I ever need it. If I needed more help, (who knows what the future holds for any of us?) this is the forum I would go to for support.

Edited to add, There is one thing that is annoying me at the moment is waiting for the next move in the chess game. grrrrrrr!!!!

 

[lucy123]

Alan - I think you and the mods do a great job and don't think anything needs changing. We have all experienced times when we have felt there has been little response, but surely thats the same as when emailing a group or texting outside of the forum- it is life not the forum.

I also think there is some people who because of their circumstances are able to post all day and this is good for them, but others can;t due to work etc, and so have to pop in and make the posts that catch their eye. Now if this is wrong and we have to reply or acknowledge all posts then the forum will not be the same.

However, I too hate to see people unhappy and can only say to those people why not pm one or two of us and let us know how you are feeling - if we are aware someone is down, we can step in and support which is exactly what we do on here.

I have to say and i am probably going to be shot down for this, but I am starting to get concerned at the number of people who are 'leaving the forum and never coming back'. One recent case of this was quite unpleasant for a lot of people who tried to help and was aggressive and very argumentative - this made me feel uneasy. Also, I repeat again I was trudging out in the snow to Tesco where I got the information for the person, but feel this has been totally ignored and feel why should I bother in future.

Any way that is my rant - I love the forum, I think it is fair, I don't make it on here every day but when I do there is always something good or helpful to read. If ever I feel really down there are a few people I can turn to - and this is just people I have met through the forum through common interest. I don't think the forum can do anymore - its the bees knees as far as I am concerned.

 

[twinnie]

this forum is like a lifeline for me i learned more on here in a year and a half about diabetes than 10 years from dsn i do read most posts but feel that i cant answer or comment as it not a subject i know a lot about eg carb counting

 

[tracey w]

I agree with all thats been said so far, so cant really add anything else.

Its sad to think someone has left because they feel left out, but you really cant please everyone all the time. I think this forum is great and the mods do a fantastic job.

 

[lucy123]

Just another thought!

Sorry for jumping in on this thread twice but I just had another thought.
Often in pm a post gets mentioned that i haven;t even seen.
Each day I log on and click new posts, but for some reason it misses a lot of posts I haven;t read and jumps forward to a later time than when I logged on last, so I only get the later posts.

Could this be happening to others and be a reason some posts get missed. I only find them when I have a lot of time to go back over the forums individually?

 

[Robster65]

Interesting thread. I agree with some of the comments, in that forums will always have friendship and common interest groups, which is normal because we are all humans (I apologise if there's any non-humans reading 🙂).

As Bigpurpleduck said, there can be a feeling of being ignored or not in the clique if you are feeling down in the first place. I know Northerner and a few others always try to respond in some way to any threads that are not replied to.

There are certain circumstances where a forum can't help and hopefully the members will seek more suitable help from elsewhere. It's got to be kept in perspective that everyone on here has their own life and own problems and can't spend 24/7 being a shoulder to lean on. But it does what it does pretty well.

Rob

 

[gail2]

I think this site is one of the most surportive and wellcoming sites i have ever been on. I must admit that when i first joined i was very carefull about wot i posted mental health wise mainly because i didt want to burden people at all, but the support and love i get from here is amasing. People have always been kind and replyed to my posts. I really feel like the people on this site are my online family and lets face it some of my posts have been really triggering when im ill. Even more amasing was my first meet up with you all and thats the first time i have ever meet people off the internet like that and everyone was just as kind and caring as they are online. It felt like i was meeting friends not strangers.
I think if someone leaves because they dont get any replys/or not enough replys in their view is very sad indeed but lets face it they make the choice to leave its notforched on them. As far as Im aware nowhere when you join up does it say you must respond to other peoples posts, indeed sometimes you dont know wot to say to help and sometimes to show that you care you maybe can only post i feel for you/im sorry this has happened. I dont think there are any clicks on here and anyone who says so is talking a load of cods wallop. Sure some people may post more than others but some people can be online more than other people.
Alan you cant improve things hunnie i think we are a very supporting caring site and i would hate to see any chances to the site as we are imho great how we are
Well done to all admin and mods for running a great site and long may it continue

 

[Donald]

As Others have said No changes required. This is a great forum with good people that said no matter how we try or went to we can not be here 24/7 life just gets in the way.

As a type 2 it is difficult to answer type 1 or pump Questions or about carbs hope they decide to come back.

 

[Hazel]

Alan, I think everyone knows how much I appreciate this Forum and the members.

I totally agree with everything that has been said.

I know you can't please ALL the people ALL the time, but I would ask anyone who chooses to 'leave', that they offer suggestions to change, what they see as an imperfect Forum. I am sure we all would welcome any suggestions that would benefit everyone.

However, please keep on doing what you and your team do, you are are helping heaps of people, and long may that continue.

 

[MIsmail]

I believe you cannot dictate the responses to threads on any forum.

Less responses do not mean no "appreciation" or "value" to a thread and there are many reasons for why the number of responses may be low or high.

As far as I can see, the mods are doing a fantastic job. The numbers on this forum epitomise this. Your ability to keep going as you are in addition to keeping an "open" forum is fantastic.

Perhaps after a long day of posting, many discussions drop down and are not seen. This may be why individuals may feel ignored. Having said this though....I don't know how you can accommodate it so that every topic can be seen by everyone at anytime they log in.

 

[Monica]

Have just read all the comments in this thread and I have to say that I can't add anything else to it. "I can't add anything else to it" happens to me a lot on here. So when that happens, I don't!! It doesn't mean I haven't bothered reading the posts. I read most posts in the General Message Board, Parents, Off the subject.. and the jokes. I don't post a new thread very often and I don't reply often. As others have already said, that's either because I don't know what to say or it has already been said.

So far, all my "important" (to me) threads have had lots of responses, for which I'm always grateful. If I had an urgent question, I know not to ask it here for reasons everyone is aware of.

I'm really glad I've found this forum. The only downside is that I spend too much time on it 😱

 

[squidge63]

Sometimes I prefer just to read threads/post and not reply because I am not in the mood to write a reply, or it's the case that I don't feel I can contribute anything new or useful to the thread, or what I would have written has already been posted several times.. if I post a thread I don't automatically think that everyone will reply to it, it may not be of any interest to anyone, I wouldn't get in a huff about it.. this is a fantastic site and I like it just the way it is.

Just a thought, another site I belong to has a like and dislike button on posts which I quite like as you may not want to write anything but you can click on like if you like/agree with the post.. have nevr seen the dislike button used yet.