Not much sleep..more babblings on

[rustee2011]

Hi,
I did a shift of 3pm to 01.30, got home at 3am went to bed around 3.30 and woke up at 7am. I recognised as I wrote my thoughts down, the reasons
Worried - that I may lose my flat due to the arrears. Doesn't mean I will, but the worry is there nonetheless. I am getting money, but bulk won't be until the new year.
Lonely - feel a bit isolated due to lack of finances. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and that i feel if I can't cope sometimes. I have been there before, and overcome that period.

Positive - I managed to wash my work clothes for work on Saturday at the Emirates. I am grateful that albeit zero hours work, I still get those jobs.
Went out to visit family today - stop me moping around my place in isolation. Did a little meditation before I left to go out though.
Also I recognise that when I suffer a traumatic event to myself - I get very anxious much more than normal. When that settles, then comes the Anxiety and Depression, it happened in 2016 when I worked in a job on the 29th floor and had to leave. Happened in 2017 - due to the face swelling of blood pressure meds. Now in 2018 due to the blood pressure meds and thinking I was having a stroke or heart attack. Then come the distorted thoughts..... This is roughly what I put in my blog.
Apologies

Ah well, babble over. Onwards and Upwards

 

[rustee2011]

I take comfort in the fact that I
Practice reiki
Have Therapy - restarting in the new year
I listen to healing music
Like to research into why I get like this and the symptoms, which can be commonplace, particularly childhood fears occasionally popping up.
I want to get back into a weekly meditation group like before
It sounds good, I am trying not to get my anti depressants increased as I am on 225mg Venlafaxine, which is enough

Still feel like a big baby though

 

[rustee2011]

I found this in my research - I was told that I am helping others by sharing my experiences. -

https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts

 

[trophywench]

Nobody that tells other people that he has any sort of mental health problem could ever be described as a baby, Rustee. The biggest battle with MH is for the person to recognise it himself and seek help!

Don't even think that again, please ! Give yourself a virtual gold star for every achievement - you have shedloads already for the diabetes control, don't you? Let's all be blinded by the bling!

 

[rustee2011]

Ah bless thank you for that! I half expected to be told " stop distressing others on the forum, or we'll remove you". Shows you what I know. Yes the Diabetes - that is a positive fear. Like I said I see it as an older brother, giving me a cautionary tap on the shoulder when I misbehave. I go to the gym and recognise that I have lost a lot of weight too. so that is a positive. It's just frustration in that all the work I do on myself like I mentioned, and even accupuncture and acupressure I still get waylaid from time to time.

 

[rustee2011]

While one of my friends turns to his mate Jack Daniels to cope I prefer to read and learn or discover new techniques to help me instead. I used to look sideways at folks who went to see therapists. Then I started to see one a few years ago, and she really helped me. Pity she retired last year - saw another one, but with low-cost they are only there for a year. So I would rather see one privately as previously who does a price sliding scale. Knowledge is power after all.

Onwards and Upwards

 

[Drummer]

If you have rent arrears, but are expecting to have money fairly soon, might it help to let your landlord know that?
You might have already done that, of course, but I know that some people just hang on, hoping that it will turn out OK. Way back now, I knew someone who was in that situation, and got the money the day after the papers for eviction were sent off.

 

[KARNAK]

Hang in there @rustee2011 you're doing ok. Keep us up to date please.

 

[rustee2011]

Thank you for the advice and support. Blessings

 

[JMyrtle]

You sound very like my son, he's a licensed doorman and used to work at the hospital but in the end the mental stress got to him and he now suffers from anxiety and depression so is undergoing his second course of counceling.
Don't worry a out the forum we are all here to listen and help you.
It also helps me to read your listings and understand that my son is not alone in his reaction to what he sees at work.

 

[Ralph-YK]

" stop distressing others on the forum, or we'll remove you".

If any says anything like that let us know, we'll make sure Notherner deals with them 😉

Lonely - feel a bit isolated due to lack of finances.

How much internet access you do have. At one point I was active using an instant messaging app. (This used data or wifi, as opposed to credit like texting). There were lots of active people on and chat groups. There's Skype and Facebook Messenger, both of which will do text messages, voice calls and video calls (again, using data or wifi). If you know who'll use either of those.

 

[rustee2011]

Cheers, thanks for that

 

[rustee2011]

Hello, I was at the Emirates today, and witnessed the 3 -1 win over Burnley - Excellent. I learned though why I tend not to have my Metformin after my breakfast. I had a couple of Sausage sandwiches and tea around 09.45. I took my metf tablet. Then during my 15 minutes I had a cookie with a small tea. When we got stood down at 3pm, I felt slightly weak and had some food and felt better. Lesson Learned - Metf dosage after lunch and not before.

The article link I had posted from the AADA - earlier really clarified things for me in terms of what they call intrusive thoughts. They actually said that have strange thoughts (or what I call Mickey Mouse thoughts) is commonplace, up to 6 million Americans cope with it, and that thoughts themselves are not the issue but the attention we give to them is. I felt like I lost 4 stone in weight - felt good to know this was studied and that I am not insane and that its not some unique phenomena that I crossed over into.
I do like researching and learning.

Onwards and Upwards like Arsenal

 

[Madeline]

You are so open and brave, and that encourages others that may not have as much courage as you do. Talking about MH problems is so helpful, lovely. No way are you a baby.

Youngest daughter struggles, she plays Fortnite and has made a lot of friends online via that. If you game she would thoroughly recommend.

 

[Barbara W]

I couldn't agree more with all the others, you are very brave and certainly not a baby. Well done for being so open and honest. Take care.

 

[rustee2011]

Just ordered the book online - which the ADAA recommended - Ordered via Amazon. Like I said keen to try new things. I have my toolkit, however, as this was written by experts in the field, I want to see what techniques they use.

Onwards and Upwards

 

[KARNAK]

Get on mate, keep your thoughts coming, we are here for you.

 

[rustee2011]

Thanks - I get the feeling, and I could be wrong that quite a few forum members cope with Anxiety and Depression too, and get the intrusive thoughts too. This thread I started, had no idea it would get so many responses..feels like a forum within a forum..all good

 

[Sharron1]

Hi
Please carry on posting. I like to know how you are getting on and from my reading I am sure I am not the only one. As for being a baby - no way, don't even think like that. Your trips to the footie appear to follow my work history on football grounds- all North London.🙂White Hart Lane my favourite.

 

[rustee2011]

Hi Guys, I didn't sleep too well last night, maybe too much tea methinks. However, I realised not a good idea to sleep with inner earphones on. Even with meditative music on. It relaxed me but kept me awake if that makes sense - a state between sleep and awake. This state can heighten senses and thoughts. So later on I took the earpieces out and put on a Guided Meditation via youtube instead. It relaxed me, and I responded well to the relaxation techniques too. Funnily enough, I was in a deep state and I found myself saying stuff. And as it turned out, I still have issues with a certain fear which plagued me in my childhood and youth. I had thought this was dealth with. Still requires more healing from myself and with the help of a therapist too.
The childhood fear is a strange one, as an adult I know that it's irrational, however, it still has a wee small part there. I spoke to a mate from school and it turns out we share the similar fears too. So I also know it's a commonplace fear.
Try not to laugh, as a child due to the religious teachings in schools, mainly primary ones it gave me a fear of the devil.
WOW.., I just googled that online, and it's considered a common fear among people. Amazing.

Onwards and Upwards