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Newby concerned daughter

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Thank you all so much, you've been so helpful. This feels like a lovely supportive community, I feel less alone and will follow up on all your posts and let you know how we get on.
 
rebrascora said:
Oh, well done! Hope you bought a meter which takes relatively cheap test strips, as that is the financial drain when using a BG meter although if your Mum starts on insulin she will be prescribed a meter and test strips.
Come on then? What was the reading you got? I've had really good readings all day so I won't feel too jealous seeing a non diabetic's reading tonight.

Seriously though, only you will know your Mum's mental outlook and therefore the best approach which is most likely to be effective for her. Whether she is the sort that needs a seed of an idea planted and then given time to mull it over herself before dropping another bit of info or giving her the opportunity to raise the issue and discuss it. Or if she values her independence, then somehow making her aware that she is putting that at serious risk without scaring her too much. Personally I would be far more frightened of being incapacitated than dying because I am fiercely independent, so for me I have to take as much control of this as I can.
Think about what motivates your Mum and work on an approach which focuses on that. So if you and perhaps her grandchildren are her world then maybe focus on the genetic side of it and wanting to be reassured that, if she can conquer this, so can you, if need be, so that you need her to be your role model, as of course she has always been in life. If she can't do it for herself, perhaps she can do it for you... that sort of thing. Or the obvious truth, that you are dreadfully worried about losing her and want to do anything to help her manage things better and you can't just ignore the elephant in the room that is her diabetes.

Really hope you can somehow find a way to help her move forwards as she could be so much happier and healthier if she could find the will to accept and take control of her condition.

We are here to support you anyway. Sometimes it is useful for us to see things from a close relative's perspective as it is too easy just to focus on how it affects us. We can all learn something from each other so do stick with us and shout up if you need to blow some frustration or ask a question or better still, tell us that you are making some progress with your Mum. Really wishing for the latter to happen. Sending (((hugs)))
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Only because you asked 🙂 It was 5.5, which I think is OK? I'm going to start checking after meals and see what happens, to understand more about my own risk and body. I'm the opposite of my mum in that way, very curious and like to know what's going on. She's always been much more head in the sand about her health, and it's interesting that you ask about what motivates her - not very much, to be honest. She's not generally a positive person, she has always gained most I think from looking after other people and always always struggled to value herself. There's something very fatalistic about her approach to illness, despite the potential impact of diabetes being so at odds with her determination to be independent.
 
Sarah C said:
That's very kind of you but I don't feel it, I feel like I should be able to get through to her somehow but she's very difficult. I'll keep trying and there is such wonderful advice and support here I feel more positive
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Those of us who care for others (not necessarily others with diabetes) know exactly where you are coming from. What is obvious to you, and almost everybody else looking in, is not obvious to them and so all you can do is to keep pegging away in the hope that you can change things.

It's a slow process, so learn to let the advice of those proffering magic insights and instant solutions wash over you. Pick up on the tiniest positives you get from your conversations with your mother and try not to get involved in the negatives. Chances are you will never get where you would love to be but in time you will get somewhere better than where things are now. Just do not give up.
 
Ahh don’t say you don’t feel like a good daughter, just being on this board proves you are! Think you hit the nail on the head. She likes to look after others and neglect herself. Typical mum syndrome. If she could only see that she can still help others close to her by helping herself. All aspects of diabetes blood management are almost painless. The libre sensor if affordable would enable her to share constant readings with you, but at this point I’m not sure if she would be agreeable to that. I’m 44 and my 3 daughters and my son all ask what my sugars are at and I tell them to stop flapping, they are always looking online for things I can eat. I think it’s sweet but we are a different generation. Although my son made rock buns at school yesterday and I felt mean not to try them as he was so pleased with them. Set my alarm off lol!
 
Sarah C said:
Only because you asked 🙂 It was 5.5, which I think is OK?
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Said I wasn't going to be jealous, but maybe I am just a little bit! Yes that is a perfect score.

Sorry to hear that your Mum struggles with the idea of making herself and her wellbeing a priority. That is typical "mother" mentality I suppose, putting everyone else first. Hope you find a way to slowly chip through her negativity and let some light shine in on her to see the way forward. I struggle with mental health issues as do many others here so we know how difficult it can be for us and our nearest and dearest but having someone who cares is a lifeline that helps me to keep my head above water, so know that you are helping even though it may not always be appreciated in the moment. X
 
Why wouldn't the advice given to younger mums work with an older mum? ie Unless you look after yourself, you cannot look after anyone else - and there are people still relying on you. I know your Emma is an adult now - so relies on you less these days - but if anything happened to her - she'd want your support, wouldn't she?

I know I wanted my mum when I was diagnosed with Type 1 anyway, despite the fact I was married.
 
Sarah C said:
Hello, I don't know if this is the right place to post but wanted to say hi. My mum is in her 70s and has been diagnosed with Type 2 for a number of years. She is very resistant to discussing it and doesn't manage her blood sugar. She is very private but has said that the Dr wants her to inject insulin but she refuses. She's become unwell and her symptoms seem to match diabetes complications.

I don't know how to encourage her to take this seriously. I want to respect her independence but it's awful seeing her refuse recommended treatment. As far as I know she's only taking metformin.

Just needed to get it off my chest I guess. People on these boards are here because they want to get better, but I'm not sure my mum does. It's heartbreaking.
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Hi everyone, I just wanted to come back and thank you again for all your support and suggestions, it was so helpful.

You all helped me feel less alone and I calmed down a bit, which has probably helped my mum feel less hassled too. We have managed to make a bit of progress with encouraging her to accept help, and she has had a visit from a nurse who she seemed to like and listen to. We'll see what happens next... I'm also feeling a bit better about accepting my mum's choices, although if she gets clear medical advice but ignores it again I may lose my current equilibrium 😳

Thanks again
 
Pleased to hear you are feeling a bit less stressed about the situation and there may be some progress. Hoping your Mum listens to the nurse and it makes all your lives a little easier.
We are here anytime you need to let off steam or seek advice and support. Fingers crossed things improve.
 
Hi Sarah, that’s so good to hear ! Having a nurse that your mum gets along with will make the world of difference. Im glad you found comfort here, and I really hope that bit by bit your mum continues to make progress. There will always be somebody here to support you both should you need it x
 
You're so kind, thank you. I've found so much helpful info from reading the forums and have got interested in learning more about diabetes and how to look after my own blood sugar, hopefully that will stand me in good stead and mean that I can be more helpful to mum too. I'm realising that she probably has some shame and fear under her hostility, and I obviously don't want to make that worse.
 
Sarah C said:
Hi everyone, I just wanted to come back and thank you again for all your support and suggestions, it was so helpful.
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Ah that’s lovely to hear @Sarah C

Glad you have found the forum helpful and encouraging 🙂
 
Hi @Sarah C , glad to hear that you found the information on here helpful.
Do come back with any other questions you have.
 
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