My wife doesn’t understand my condition

[Zazzy1972]

Hi there, my wife really doesn’t understand how I’m feeling, I have hit diabetes burn out. I also have depression, but because she can’t see it I must be ok. I am tired all the time, I go work tired and come home tired and go to bed, this is putting immense pressure on our marriage and I just don’t know what to do, I’ve tried explaining to her but she just says it’s mores excuses. I have had type 1 for 32 years and I have just hit a massive wall

 

[Ljc]

Hi @Zazzy1972 . Welcome to the forum .
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.

It can be very hard for others esp our nearest and dearest to understand how diabetes can affect us, because we look no different to the next person, Ie we don’t have a limp, scars or look ill, but I know my moods and temper are affected by my BG levels.

Have you spoken to your Gp as well as your DSN about how you are feeling just in case the tiredness is unrelated to diabetes.
and maybe some counselling would help too, which I know is difficult atm due to this pandemic.

I am sure other will be along soon, probably with far better advise , but we are here to listen too.

 

[Zazzy1972]

Hi @Zazzy1972 . Welcome to the forum .
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.

It can be very hard for others esp our nearest and dearest to understand how diabetes can affect us, because we look no different to the next person, Ie we don’t have a limp, scars or look ill, but I know my moods and temper are affected by my BG levels.

Have you spoken to your Gp as well as your DSN about how you are feeling just in case the tiredness is unrelated to diabetes.
and maybe some counselling would help too, which I know is difficult atm due to this pandemic.

I am sure other will be along soon, probably with far better advise , but we are here to listen too.

Thank you for your kind words, yes I have spoken to my GP I have an under active thyroid as well but that seems to be stable at the moment, it’s just so frustrating feeling so tired, and no motivation.

 

[Pumper_Sue]

Hi there, my wife really doesn’t understand how I’m feeling, I have hit diabetes burn out. I also have depression, but because she can’t see it I must be ok. I am tired all the time, I go work tired and come home tired and go to bed, this is putting immense pressure on our marriage and I just don’t know what to do, I’ve tried explaining to her but she just says it’s mores excuses. I have had type 1 for 32 years and I have just hit a massive wall

Hello @Zazzy1972 and welcome to the forum.
As you say your thyroid condition is under control have you had your iron levels checked and also your B12 levels? These can cause dreadful fatigue as well.
Hopefully a reason can be found for the fatigue soon and most importantly it can be fixed.

 

[trophywench]

How do you treat your diabetes @Zazzy1972 - MDI, pump, how? And which insulin(s) do you use?

 

[Jacqs96]

Thank you for your kind words, yes I have spoken to my GP I have an under active thyroid as well but that seems to be stable at the moment, it’s just so frustrating feeling so tired, and no motivation.

I have under active thyroid, research has led me to believe that whilst the blood test shows within normal range, we can still have symptoms at times. Have you had Vit. D levels checked ? Under active thyroid can affect this too

 

[pm133]

Hi there, my wife really doesn’t understand how I’m feeling, I have hit diabetes burn out. I also have depression, but because she can’t see it I must be ok. I am tired all the time, I go work tired and come home tired and go to bed, this is putting immense pressure on our marriage and I just don’t know what to do, I’ve tried explaining to her but she just says it’s mores excuses. I have had type 1 for 32 years and I have just hit a massive wall

This comment about "more excuses" really isn't a good sign at all. It's a massive red flag.
That suggests an underlying issue in your relationship which has been going on for some time.

Is there any chance that it's stress over your relationship which is causing your exhaustion and depression rather than diabetes burn out being at the root of it?

I can fully understand that a comment of that nature would cause serious problems for any marriage.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time @Zazzy1972

Diabetes can certainly be hard work, unrelenting, isolating, and very frustrating at times. Plus as others have said, erratic and elevated BGs can directly , physiologically, contribute to low mood and depression (alongside the frustration of ‘not getting it right’).

Are you receiving medication / talking therapies / CBT / mindfulness to support you with your mental health?

A bit like diabetes management being a balance of meds and food/activity etc, I think mental health challenges benefit from a blended approach of different components to best support your whole self.

Have you considered couple’s counselling if your relationship is struggling? Or simply trying to find ways to be more open and honest with each other in a non-judgemental, supportive way?

Your relationship is clearly important to you, and you want to find ways to make it work.

Keep talking.

 

[Inka]

Diabetes burnout is a horrible thing @Zazzy1972 I went through it recently and it’s very difficult. I’ve had Type 1 for almost 30 years and then I suddenly couldn’t deal with it. For me, it was outside stresses that were the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’. Dealing with them and the relentless diabetes was too much.

What helped me was to talk to my team; to simplify things by eating basically the same breakfast and lunch each day; and to let up a tiny bit on my control. Not a lot but just enough that I wasn’t getting stressed by very tight targets.

Your wife’s comment about “more excuses” must have hurt you. She’s obviously unhappy about things. I think I would try to talk together and allow each person to politely and calmly detail their concerns. Assume nothing. Communication is key.

 

[Maca44]

As said above, I think you both need couple’s counselling to get through this ASAP.

 

[helli]

Really sorry to read that you are both struggling.
Diabetes burnout is hard. So is being the partner of someone suffering with depression.
When my partner had severe depression, I realised how easy it was to forget about the person who has nothing "wrong with them". You are both going through this in different ways and both need help together and apart.

I hope you find a way out of the gloom caused by diabetes, depression and that your marriage survives.

 

[Zazzy1972]

Yes I agree, the issues are a bit deeper than my diabetes, but it’s not helping. I also struggle with depression which is currently being treated with 2 different anti depressants, I hope we can talk about things as I really need her help at this time. I am currently on the pump but I am having issues with Medtronic not having the mio advance and giving me the mio, which tbh is rubbish compared to the advance I struggle to get a good site when using the mio, this is also causing me stress.

 

[Pumper_Sue]

Hello @Zazzy1972
just a thought/suggestion for you if I may.
Have you tried an angled set instead of a 90 degree? I gave up on the 90's by medtronic as so many failures and now use an angled set which I self insert to the angle I want.