My Partner Is A Mess

[Fizzy Moon]

I am writing to you about my partner. About 6 months ago he was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 after the doctors realised they forgot to tell him. He has not been given a glucose monitor to test his levels so we havent got a clue what is going on really. When he was diagnosed he was told he would be referred to a dietician, eye clinic and someone that looked at feet weve not heard anything since.

I get so frustrated trying to make my partner go to the doctor and I feel let down its like they dont want to help him. He is an alcoholic and drinks 8 pints of strong lager a day. Hes asked for help with the drink and weve been waiting about 8 months to try and get him sorted. The doctors just say he might feel better when he stops drinking. My partner hasnt really changed his diet much he eats the same as before and I know it doesnt help. The thing that frightens me the most is when we go to bed. He starts twitching and spasms occur in his legs and arms. The doctors said it was restless leg syndrome but can you get it in your arms? I lie next to him and cry because if I wake him up in a state because I think he is fitting he gets a bit cross. He doesnt realise how frightening it is for me seeing him like that. It sometimes feels like im lying next to someone being electrocuted I can feel it all in his arms. Is that really restless leg syndrome?

 

[Steff]

Hi Fizzy and a warm welcome to the forum, sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis and his alcohol problems, i wont patronise you and pretend i know anything about alcoholism as i dont, but i do hope this tiny piece of info will help he can get a free meter here http://www.abbottdiabetescare.co.uk/free-meter-signup so at least he can start testing his levels

My reply seems so futile and im sorry about that but rest assured you have come to a good place here and as many of us will help and support where we can x

 

[Northerner]

Hi Fizzy Moon, welcome to the forum 🙂 Very sorry to hear that your partner is not getting good care, there is really no excuse for it. Have a read of this: What you should expect from the NHS in terms of support and see where you are being let down. There are organisations that can help if you feel you are not being helped as you should be - PALS is very good (http://www.pals.nhs.uk/). He should most certainly be getting all the checks you have mentioned, so return to your GP and insist that appointments are made as soon as possible. It's hardly surprising that his health is not improving if he feels that he is getting little or no help from his healthcare team. They should also be offering advice to help him with his excessive drinking.

Some thing to bear in mind is that his blood sugar levels are likely to be high, and this can have a profound effect on a person's mood, possibly leading to depression. The alcohol may be a way of escaping from this mood, but will ultimately add to the problem, but it can be a very difficult cycle to break out of.

As he is a heavy drinker then it is possible that his bedtime problems are being caused by his blood sugar levels dropping low overnight, or as suggested it could be restless leg syndrome - maybe even a combination of the two. Alcohol prevents the liver from releasing stores of glucose whilst the alcohol is processed so this can lower blood sugar levels. In an insulin user this can be very dangerous, but as your partner is not injecting insulin it should not be - however, if blood sugar is much lower than he is used to it can cause a nervous reaction.

I would urge you to get a meter and some test strips. Have a look at our Useful links thread for a link to a free meter and some good links to advice pages. Type 2 Diabetes: The First Year by Gretchen Becker is an excellent book which will help you and your partner understand diabetes and how it needs to be managed. I'm afraid that he must face up to his diagnosis and begin taking things seriously as it will not go away and there can be some very serious consequences. I found early on that you need to be very pushy at times to make sure you get the help you need, so don't be fobbed off by doctors or nurses - stand your ground until you are satisfied!

The rewards for good diabetes management can be tremendous - he will feel much healthier and happier than he has for ages and the difference is quite astonishing, but it does take hard work to get to that stage. Good luck, and please do come back and ask anything that is concerning you - there are hundreds of people here with a huge amount of experience who will be happy to help and support you and your partner 🙂

 

[margie]

Hi Fizzy Moon welcome to the forum - sorry to hear of your predicament - it all sounds very difficult.

If your partner has been waiting so long for help with his drinking maybe he could try the AA.

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

You could try al-anon - who are an organisation who help families and friends cope.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Sometimes referrals are not sent when they should be - so maybe call the surgery and check.

I hope someone is able to help you.

 

[Robster65]

Hi Fizzy Moon. Welcome. 🙂

Can't really add to the comments so far, but am happy to offer any support possible.

Obviously, until he gets help for his alcoholism, he's unlikely to get much of a grip on his diabetes, both of which will be putting a strain on his renal system. As Margie suggested, maybe AA can offer him help, or Al-anon for yourself.

Is he co-operative at all when it comes to his diabetes ?
ie. if you try to get him to make changes.

Rob

 

[RSVP]

Hi Fizzy Moon

Sorry you're having such a horrid time

Long shot but is your partner on any other medication? I only ask as I know some can cause tremors which when taken along side alcohol can make these worse especially when the body is relaxed ie asleep.

Is there any chance you can talk to him about his drink? I know this is easier said than done. Both my parents are alcoholics.

Sadly he will need to want to change himself before the Dr's can really help him with that side of things, and often the alcoholic doesn't think there is a problem

There are medications that can be given to help withdrawal but again all down to individual wanting to get help, and if there is a chance he will drink whilst taking them these can be very dangerous.

I hope that with help from here you will be able to guide him.

Take Care

Sarah xx

 

[sasha1]

Hi Fizzy moon

Welcome to the forum ...🙂

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, and I cant add anything more than what has already been said.

Take care

Heidi
xx🙂

 

[Catwoman76]

I am writing to you about my partner. About 6 months ago he was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 after the doctors realised they forgot to tell him. He has not been given a glucose monitor to test his levels so we havent got a clue what is going on really. When he was diagnosed he was told he would be referred to a dietician, eye clinic and someone that looked at feet weve not heard anything since.

I get so frustrated trying to make my partner go to the doctor and I feel let down its like they dont want to help him. He is an alcoholic and drinks 8 pints of strong lager a day. Hes asked for help with the drink and weve been waiting about 8 months to try and get him sorted. The doctors just say he might feel better when he stops drinking. My partner hasnt really changed his diet much he eats the same as before and I know it doesnt help. The thing that frightens me the most is when we go to bed. He starts twitching and spasms occur in his legs and arms. The doctors said it was restless leg syndrome but can you get it in your arms? I lie next to him and cry because if I wake him up in a state because I think he is fitting he gets a bit cross. He doesnt realise how frightening it is for me seeing him like that. It sometimes feels like im lying next to someone being electrocuted I can feel it all in his arms. Is that really restless leg syndrome?

Hello so sorry for you both. I suffer from Restless Leg Sndrome (RLS) and yes you can get it in the arms. I really don't know if it is RLS or the effects of the constant alcohol in his system. His Dr should of taken a blood test to find out if he is low in iron( as this can contribute to RLS). I take tablets at night and now during the day because it got so bad and the tablets have helped a lot. Please ask your partner to go back to his Dr and seek help, if it is RLS, it can be helped. As for the alcoholisum, he will have to take the first step to seek help, if he really wants it. I do hope, for both of your sakes, that you find help. Take care Sheena

 

[Caroline]

Hi Fizzy moon and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are in a difficult place with your partner. The only other suggestion I can make is would your partner look at this forum with you? At least you have come along and we can support you.

Thinking on it, sometimes if you are the only person in a household who has to eat differently it can be a bit lonely. How do you feel about eating the same sort of healthy meals as your partner to show him he's not alone?

 

[AlisonM]

Hi Fizzy, the others seem to have the Diabetes side covered pretty well.

I work for a small charity up here that provides counselling services for people dealing with addictions. Not everyone can handle the group sessions at AA, so our counsellors have one to one meetings in our offices with their clients. Wherever you are in the country, there may be a similar organisation near you that can help you both. Try a Google for alcohol counselling and see what comes up.

Do I take it your other half is unwilling to go to the doctor (it's a man thing I'm told)? If so, perhaps you can make the appointment for him and go with him to the surgery. If it's that the surgery haven't been in touch with him, they need a gentle reminder to arrange the needed checks for him. Another telephone call is required there. Sometime getting the required treatment is a matter of making a pest of yourself, politely of course. A call every two weeks to say "I still haven't heard anything about such and such, can you tell me what's happening please?".