My Partner (I'm T1) thinks they know best

[alisonhammo]

Hey Type 1s
Have been T1 for 26+ years. Partner reckons they know best based on web research. Have been well argumentitive about this. We have been together for 6+ years.
I am now well pissed off by our marital/coping with T1 status situation.
Any ideas as to how to cope with this?

 

[Ditto]

Hello Alison, welcome to the forum. 🙂

 

[alisonhammo]

Hello Alison, welcome to the forum. 🙂

Thanks for the welcome 🙂

 

[Ginny03]

I think we all think we know best - it's why I often have fallings out with my clinic! Try to keep in mind that your other half is just trying to help - maybe they're worried about you and you can't be too mad at them for that - its good that they care. I'm assuming they don't have diabetes? Online descriptions (often written by people who are not diabetic!) of what we have can make everything sound very simple. Unfortunately, one size definitely does not fit all! Try to explain it to your other half and if they still don't understand, maybe direct them onto here - we're all different!

 

[alisonhammo]

Hi Ginny, you speak loads of common sense. I would like to be considerate as suggested but find it difficult. Yes; partner is not T1 or T2. I've found that one "episode" can undo weeks worth of "no-episodes" (low or high). Talking about being caught "unawares" is of minimal use. I'm now stuck in the cycle of "try managing it for 26 years" then you can pass conclusions. Am rather fed up with this. A xxxx

 

[Ginny03]

I speak common sense (very occasionally!!!) because about a year ago I nearly destroyed my marriage when I was having a really bad run of constant hypos. Its hard for the other half to deal with something they have no control over. Obviously its incredibly hard for us too, but we've had more practice at bouncing back from it than they have! Diabetes robs us of quite enough without having it ruin our relationships as well. I know its hard, but try to cut the other half some slack. Maybe have a chat with the doc about how to minimise the 'episodes' - and maybe take your partner with you so that they can feel involved. The doc might give them a reality check and help them see how hard it is!

 

[alisonhammo]

Sorry for replying to my own post...
Am 53, Type 1 since 26 years old. Currently on Humalog/Lantus (every 12 hiours) injectiions (non-pump).

 

[alisonhammo]

Oh Ginny, am crying with love for what you posted. Is so true; but unfair on us overall. We deserve recognition without descrimination.I will try to speak with other half in morning (he is snoring right now) and recognise the caring in his words. Might be difficult for me, but hey ho; we are T1 super-beings 🙂
He is showing concern but it is being communicated as "must do better". Shucks - don't we have enough to deal with already?

 

[KookyCat]

Hi Alison
Nothing more to add Ginny has it covered, just wanted to say hello and welcome 🙂

 

[Carolg]

Hi Alison and welcome to forum . Can I ask...has the information from mr google and seeing you have hypos etc frightened the bejezus out of your husband. Not being type 1 but having my own demons, I know the rubbish goes round my head when I try to be in control. He doesn't have the right or opportunity to control your condition but is around for the fall out. Maybe he's scared but not dealing with it the right way?... however.... maybe not.. just a wee different perspective from the outside. Maybe other advise here is good, him going with you to appointment, as then he might be able to see that you are doing what you can, and that sometimes it's not what you can do, but what your body is doing. Good luck for both of you
Sorry if this is rubbish

 

[Austin Mini]

I am not the husband my wife married, thanks to diabeties.

 

[Bloden]

I am not the husband my wife married, thanks to diabeties.

Same here, Austin Mini. Eg on Saturday my BGs were perfect all day long and I was in a good mood all day long too. It made me realise what a moody cow I am with my OH most of the time!

Hi Alison and welcome.🙂 I agree with what Ginny says: talking things through is really hard sometimes (I avoid it like the plague!) but it's the only way sometimes. You need to help him see things from your point of view...and vice versa...good luck, let us know how you get on.😛

 

[Ralph-YK]

I've been on another forum where they talk about relationships. Common themes are communication, being clear about expectations and boundaries. Boundaries don't have to be things that are wrong.
The best advice I can give is the most obvious, and I'm not sure it'll help. Basicall telling him he's not allowed to do it. Of course, you could tell him some things he can do as well.

 

[Austin Mini]

My wife only needs to look at me to tell I am hypo. I don't argue I eat something straight away.

 

[Redkite]

Is this a recent problem or has he always behaved like this over the last 6 years? When you say "episodes", do you mean severe lows that need him to help you? It's pretty scary to see your loved one having a severe low, so understandable if he has some anxiety about that. But....one of the things that regularly annoys me (often hear this from school staff for example) is the question "shouldn't he be more stable?" or the implication that needing to check BG frequently or have a hypo remedy indicates "bad control". The fact is that people with type 1 have no measures of "success" as such, it's more a case of avoidance of bad stuff happening (both short term, ie hypos, and long term, ie diabetes complications). There are no prizes for getting it right 100% of the time, but there are dire consequences for any slip ups. Nobody with type 1 is going to get it right 100% of the time, and that's what others need to grasp. Your partner needs to understand that your levels will fluctuate and won't always be controllable, despite your best efforts. If there's anything he CAN help with, then let him know.