My Dad is Dying From Diabetes

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Alexis

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ok, so thats not quite an accurate statement for a title, but thats what it feels like.
My dad was diagnosed with diabetes when i was about 7, im 22 now. he also has a underactive thyroid, charcot foot, cellulitis and now kidney failure.
he got charcot foot two years ago and has had in foot in a plaster cast ever since, he is disabled and to be honest a total pain in the arse about it.
I moved out of the house just before he was diagnosed which makes it very easy for me to just forget about it and get on with my life. but every so often that world comes crashing down around me. a month ago i found out that my dad had chronic kidney failure due to the diabetes and all the other problems he has had. i also know that he will never be a good candidate for a kidney transplant so effetively my dad is dying. now i know that people can live on dialysis for a very long time, my dad is only 48 and yet the doctors say he has the kidneys of a 70 year old.
my mum phoned me today and said that more and more my dad is getting depressed, but being a proud person, he wont see anyone so i suggested he write a blog. as i said this i realised it would be good for me to do this as well, i worry about him, i hate seeing him so down and i hate that he cant walk and he cant change a tyre on my car and that through lack of control on his part, his diabetes got so out of control he is killing himself.
this is basically my life in a nutshell, my dad is dying, my sister is his carer and my mum is so angry with him for what he has done to his body that they dont talk any more they argue. im angry at my dad for what he is putting us all through yet i couldnt even begin to imagine how he is feeling

does anyone else out there know someone who is in this position? there must be others with the same problems as my dad, he cant be the only one!
 
Hi there, and welcome,

I have no personal experience of these conditions but I would like to offer my sympathy and to say I have every confidence he is not the only one with these problems......

Has he been educated on how to manage his blood sugars?, has your sister had any similar opportunities...........

Its never too late to start getting the blood sugars better and it will improve his life.......
 
Hello, welcome to the forum 🙂 I'm very sorry to hear of your dad's problems, it sounds like he has struggled for a long time to manage his diabetes. It is likely that his depression is in part due to his blood sugar levels beeing higher than normal, as well as obviously having some serious complications. Does he take medication for his diabetes and test his levels regularly? What sort of diet does he follow? Is he receiving any help to overcome his depression? Sorry for all the questions. I wonder if he would benefit from speaking to others with diabetes - sometimes it can help to share experiences with people who 'get it', without having to explain it all. He would certainly be welcome to join here, or perhaps having a chat with someone from either a Diabetes UK voluntary group or their Careline service.

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

Please do feel free to ask any questions you may have ad we will do our best to help.
 
{{{{ALEXIS}}}}

Welcome to the forum - I am sorry that you are feeling so stressed and down about things. Have you, your Mum or sister spoken with a Dr. It sounds like the whole family is struggling to know what to do or where to turn for help.

You say that your sister is your Dad's carer, has she had any training to help her in that role? If not maybe your Dr can help.

If you give a little more information on the type of diabetes your Dad has and his treatment then someone may be able to point you in the right direction in regards to what courses are out there.
 
Hi ALexis. Welcome 🙂

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but it sounds like your dad is refusing to take repsonsibility for his own condition and it's falling on the rest of you to pick up the pieces. I apologise if this isn't the case.

As said, we could do with a bit more detail to offer any sort of advice but you sound as though you, and probably the rest of your family, including your dad, need a lot more help than you're being given. I would imagine that you would be justified to go to his care team (GP/clinic/hospital) and ask for advice/assistance since he is clearly not in a position to get that help by himself.

People do manage for years on dialysis although it's not a pleasant way to live but it's incredible what can be acheived to prolong and improve a patient's life.

Please feel free to shout/rant/cry. Whatever works. If we're not telling what you need to know, ask away.🙂

Rob
 
Please, please do not beat your dad or yourself up about this. Whilst his problems are probably much of his own making there is another factor besides poor control that plays a part in diabetic complications - luck. There are some people who have had diabetes for 50/60/70+ years and are virtually complication free. However some develop complications within ten years even with relatively good control - this particularly applies to people with Type II who went undiagnosed for a long period. Most recently I have come across a young woman who was diagnosed about 25 years ago. Despite control that falls into the excellent - good range she had developed serious complications. The first was major eye problems so severe they had to open up the eyes to treat the bleeds, as laser was not an option. More recently she has been diagnosed with gastroparesis - very unpleasant stomach condition. Good control will slow the progress of your dad's complications but not necessarily stop them. Dialysis might make him eligible for a transplant but it is not something he should pin his hopes on because of age and the shortage of donor organs. However the better his general health the more likely he is to be considered. Sometimes they also transplant the pancreas at the same time curing the diabetes, albeit sometimes only for a few years.

Depression sadly comes with the territory. The daily routine of medication, thinking about what you eat at each and every meal, etc. grinds most people with diabetes down at some stage in their lives. It may be that he needs medication for this and it is not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Good luck with it all.
 
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know how it is to get so frustrated that you feel hopeless and helpless, and well, just worthless. My husband is about to hit his 26 years with diabetes and it has come with many challenges. Being here to support him and love him when he feels like there is no way out, and having him here for me, is all well worth it when the day is over. My husband has many problems, retinopathy, neuoropathy, gastroparesis, nephropathy, depression, and getting to the point now that he can't tell if he's high or low. There is hope though. Every day is another day that I get with him, that he gets to watch our babies get another day older and be there for all of us. Don't let the little things of the disease control your life, your dad has the control and maybe he just needs to have a little back up support for the days that he is feeling a little more down then normal. It's hard to always look at the positives when the negatives just sit in your face all day. Just know that people are out there that care and are going through this pain right along with you and that there is always hope.
 
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