Mum to a newly diagnosed 17 year old daughter. HELP!

[JoC]

Hi i am a mum of a 17 year old girl that has just been diagnosed Type 1, 3 weeks ago.

I'm just after some thoughts on the affects this had on your child, she has dropped out of college, she has always been a really good student, but she feels she is to far behind to catch back up and she was struggling before being diagnosed as she was clearly unwell for longer than either of us realised. She's not dropped out to be rebellious but because she suddenly feels totally out of her depth.

She has got herself a job in a hotel (under pressure from me a bit) and now she doesn't feel like she can do this either as she's worried about lunchtimes and breaks etc as she is getting hypo's etc, also I think the reality of working 5 days a week (shift patterns, early's and lates) is also freaking her out.

She has hardly left the house, has no idea what direction her life is now taking and is so very upset, she is not the crying type but she is clearly struggling.

Honestly we both feel a bit overwhelmed, is this normal does she need a break to get her head around it, any advice from mum's who have experienced similar or any advice would be welcome. Will we find some 'normal' again? We feel that our life evolves around injecting, finger pricking or scanning, needles, sharp boxes, etc. I just want to see my girl, living her life again.

Thank you in advance
Jo

 

[Leadinglights]

Hi i am a mum of a 17 year old girl that has just been diagnosed Type 1, 3 weeks ago.

I'm just after some thoughts on the affects this had on your child, she has dropped out of college, she has always been a really good student, but she feels she is to far behind to catch back up and she was struggling before being diagnosed as she was clearly unwell for longer than either of us realised. She's not dropped out to be rebellious but because she suddenly feels totally out of her depth.

She has got herself a job in a hotel (under pressure from me a bit) and now she doesn't feel like she can do this either as she's worried about lunchtimes and breaks etc as she is getting hypo's etc, also I think the reality of working 5 days a week (shift patterns, early's and lates) is also freaking her out.

She has hardly left the house, has no idea what direction her life is now taking and is so very upset, she is not the crying type but she is clearly struggling.

Honestly we both feel a bit overwhelmed, is this normal does she need a break to get her head around it, any advice from mum's who have experienced similar or any advice would be welcome. Will we find some 'normal' again? We feel that our life evolves around injecting, finger pricking or scanning, needles, sharp boxes, etc. I just want to see my girl, living her life again.

Thank you in advance
Jo

Welcome to the forum, there are many parents here who have found themselves in your situation and I'm sure they will be along soon to offer some words of wisdom.
It is important that your daughter takes time to sort out her health situation and I'm sure that her college will be all too willing to have her back to start afresh once she has sorted her diabetes out, It is very possible to lead a normal life. There are also a few young people here who will empathise with what she is experiencing so she is not alone.
Hopefully you have good support from her diabetic team who should be able to offer advise to help you and her, remember it is early days yet.

 

[Thebearcametoo]

Oh bless you it’s so rough at the beginning. I promise it will get easier.

Is she still under the paediatric team? Our team has a psychologist on the team who is available for you as well as your daughter. The first few months are rough and adding shift work into the mix is a big ask. Once she’s in the swing of it she’ll be able to manage work or college but it does take a while at the beginning to get levels right and to work out how to manage hypos etc. Give it time.

 

[Bruce Stephens]

I'm just after some thoughts on the affects this had on your child, she has dropped out of college, she has always been a really good student, but she feels she is to far behind to catch back up and she was struggling before being diagnosed as she was clearly unwell for longer than either of us realised. She's not dropped out to be rebellious but because she suddenly feels totally out of her depth.

That's such a shame. I guess I'm lucky (though it didn't seem so at the time) that it hit me while on holiday (when I was 15) so it likely influenced by GCEs the following year but much less than would have been the case if it had happened during term time.

Any possibility of negotiating with the college, maybe starting this year again (so effectively taking a year out)?

It certainly does take it out of you (physically and mentally), but (with luck and support) it can get better. Honestly, 3 weeks feels to me much too short a time to make such big decisions about her future. I'd urge you both to try and wait for longer. (Though I understand that finances don't necessarily permit such freedom.)

 

[Inka]

Yes, I’d say some time out would benefit her a lot. It’s a huge thing to get your head round - the total change to your lifestyle. Is going back to college and then taking a break from it an option? Three weeks is such a short time to sort out the practical things and the emotional shock too. If possible, I’d say she needs a break from everything so that she can focus on her emotions and also on getting a grip on the diabetes. There’s a big amount to learn. It does get easier though.

 

[Windy]

Hi @JoC sorry to hear about your daughter and her diagnosis, and the effect that it's having on you both.
I'm type 2, so not the same type of diabetes, but it still comes as a shock when you're diagnosed, and it'll take time for you both to get your heads round it.
Your daughter is still very young, and like Leadinglights says, hopefully the college will have her back when things are steadier. Can you get in touch with them and explain the situation when you're able? Perhaps ask if she can go back part time for a term or two, or start the year again in September? I would also ask them about funding, I believe that you don't have to pay for college if you're aged 16-19, so she should be good for next year, the college should be able to confirm. Also ask about support - they will have had students with diabetes before, and may have a disability officer who can advise. But you don't have to do any of this now, take stock of where you are and take time to learn and adapt to the new situation.
If you haven't found it already, there's a Parents forum you can look on for other parents of children with diabetes, and hopefully learn from their experiences.
I hope things get easier for you both, Sarah

 

[trophywench]

Awww. Welcome both of you to the club no-one ever wanted to join!

It is frightening. It does feel completely alien. No - you can't believe anyone that tells you it will be OK.

D'you know the snag with that?
It actually WILL be OK - but Oh yes, it does take time.

Hence - both of you need to give it time. Tell your daughter that even Leonardo da Vinci couldn't paint a masterpiece overnight so if she wants to make sure she is one, she'd do better to take her time now.

It's so hard though, being a patient patient.

Patience is a virtue, find it where you can. Always in a woman, seldom in a man!

Massive {{{Hugs}}} to both of you.

 

[Saoirse]

Hi. Sorry to hear about your daughters diagnosis. it's a lot to take in for you both, and needing some time to adjust is perfectly ok. It will, I promise you, get easier. I have spent several years as a tutor in a higher education setting and have supported students going through difficult spots. My thoughts are

1) She needs to be reassured that her future has not disappeared. She's been thrown a curveball, and frankly, it sucks, but college, HE, a career, family, fun, future as she thought of it is all of it is still there for her. At 17 the world is at her feet. It may feel differently right now, but there is nothing lost. She can go back to College in the future, she can do her qualifications etc, she can work in the cafe if she wants. With very very few exceptions everything that was open to her before is still there. Even if she takes a break from study now -it is that, a break; life is long.

2) Some students need a break from study to deal with life changing news - which this is. It is absolutely ok to take time to process. Some students find some normality is useful. If she is missing college, her friends, her teachers etc, it would be worth taking to the college about whether she can come back, or do reduced hours, while still postponing taking exams/repeating the year. She may think that as she's left she can't go back, or it will be embarrassing or something. talking to the college to see what is possible might be good if this is the case- most teachers want to support students particularly good ones who are having a hard time. The door is not necessarily closed.

3) Consider dealing with one aspect of diabetes at a time - there is a lot to learn, Accept that it is going to take time and focus on one thing - eg - blousing for breakfast to start with. Now that her pancreas is being supported, it may start to make insulin again which can make things annoying and tricky if it decides to pump out insulin unexpectedly. Experiment with different hypo treatments, eg glucose tabs, jelly babies, small cans of coke. Find out what works well for her.

4) make use of the professionals - they are there to help. You should have been assigned a DSN - talk to them. Make lists of questions to take to any appointments. Be honest with them about what challenges she is having. if there is a psychologist on staff at her clinic, it might be worth exploring a session or two is possible.

5) Knowledge is power - the more you understand T1, the better - there are some books called

Type 1 Diabetes in Children Adolescents and Young People by Ragnar Hanas.

Think Like a Pancreas by Gary Scheiner - A practical guide to managing diabetes with insulin

which would be worth a look.

6) there is a lot of tech now which can help manage things. a Libre - a small device that sits on the skin and monitors blood glucose has been a game changer for many of us and does away with most finger pricking. If you don't already have it, it should be available on the nhs now, but some parts of the country prescribe it more regularly. Something to bring up when you see your team if not already using.

7) finally as a young woman it is worth knowing that menstrual cycles can affect how sensitive women are to insulin and being aware of this. Also as a young person who may like to go out of an evening, alcohol can lower blood glucose and it's good to be aware of this and make sure friends who are with her are aware of the symptoms of a hypo and how to treat it.

Sending you both very best.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Sorry to hear about your daughter’s diagnosis @JoC

Just wanted to echo the words of encouragement from other members, T1 can be very annoying at times, and it will take a little while to get used to, but it is something that can usually be well managed, and it doesn’t have to stop her doing anything she wants to do - study, career, family, travel, flying commercial airliners, professional sportswoman, absolutely anything is possible!

Some things may need some lateral thought, or a bit of extra prep, and some stuff might seem impossible at the moment, but thungs WILL get easier.

Plus employers and education establishments have a legal obligation to make ‘reasonable adjustments’ to support people with T1, as it is covered by the Equality Act.

Good luck, and keep asking questions - nothing is ‘too obvious’ or ‘silly’ 🙂