Low mood.

[Katie_P34]

So sorry in advance if this long post and that it is a little depressing but I'm 7 months into my diagnosis of diabetes my consultant still doesn't know If I'm LADA ( even though my anti-GAD is 80) but c-peptide levels are still high. I've been on insulin since 26th June. I got the handle on it pretty quick didn't let it sink in I guess I was like a robot I just did it.
Then over Christmas my husband was like you eat what you want it's Christmas you have your insulin etc, I didn't go crazy I stayed some what healthy eating but my blood sugars was so up and down, and was really hard to get the handle of them some times.
But we are now in the second week of January and I'm struggling mentally. I don't want to keep injecting. I feel isolated and different from all my family. Hiding myself away at work to inject. My stomach is covered in stretch marks from having my babies it hurts to inject some days. Worried about going out without my hypo kit just incase. Always worrying about what to eat, depriving myself of the things I love and wanr to eat is making me fed up. I have the gym and I know I should go but I just have no oomph to go. I have lost over 2 stone since the diagnosis and I know I should continue but as soon as I get into it my alarm starts going off its low and I need to treat a hypo. I'm struggling to get a balance and feel happy again I just want to not have diabetes anymore
I know I shouldn't feel like this but I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm sorry for the long depressing post. I just need to talk about it. My husband doesn't get it.

 

[JimmyBlue]

Hi @Katie_P34 Why do you feel you should feel the way you do? Diabetes is a horrible illness and it is bound to get you down, I was diagnosed with type 2 end of September last year and I go through ups and downs and wish that there was some magic cure that would take this all away. At the same time I find that the support that my family provide from simple things like having the same meal as me (who knew they would like red lentil pasta) or just my wife joining me in a nice bit of mashed celeriac show me that actually I am not a million miles away from living the same life as them. That said I can understand why you feel that the injection issue is more obvious issue particularly at work.

I can't give you a magic bullet to solve your problems but I can tell you the steps I take to address any feelings of misery that I might get:

• Focus on the positives, your family is there for you and will support you, focus on the good days when everything works perfectly or at least you hit most of your targets
• Don't get obsessed with the numbers, the average is often more important than points in time and if you are using a monitor look at the page that shows you time in range. If above 70% then that is a win.
• Congratulate yourself on the weight loss, that is a fantastic result.
• Follow your husband's advice, you don't have to give up the things you like but you may need to make adjustments. I had a half the normal slice of my wife's Christmas cake, at my niece's I had a small bit of bread with some dried fruit and also the chocolate covered head of a gingerbread man. Did it spike yes but not above my target of 8.5. The key was eating only a small amount

With regards to lows, my understanding for T2D is that we should do a finger prick test to see if it is really a low. Perhaps that is something to consider. The other, which I discovered is that if you are wearing your phone using an armband, make sure that it is not constricting your blood flow even a little bit.

My final bit of advice is use these forums to rant, rave, whine, complain and celebrate achievements. Many of the people who post on here are inspirational and there is loads of good advice and support available when you need it. And for the gym, see if you can find someone to be a gym buddy so you don't have to go on your own. Perhaps joining a local diabetics group might help you find someone with similar issues/concerns who can go with you.

 

[rebrascora]

Sorry to hear you are struggling mentally. It can take time to hit home that this is for life and I suppose if they were/are unsure of your diabetes Type you could perhaps have been holding out some hope of remission. I know I had that when I was first diagnosed but then when I couldn't manage with oral meds and very strict diet, they started me on insulin and it kind of ripped the rug from under my feet because I had been so focused on going low carb and trying to beat it into submission, that I was suddenly left without that focus and I had to channel my hope and determination in a new direction, learning to manage my diabetes with insulin as well as I could. I definitely had a few tears.

It is tough. They reckon we make something like 200 extra decisions a day around our diabetes management. We can even wake up in the middle of the night and have to make them, so it can take up a lot of "band width" in our brain and that can become a heavy burden particularly if we are already stretched in other areas of our life like job and family life.

Do you think that it it is getting to you more now because things are not going as smoothly as they were?
We all hit rough patches from time to time when our previous routine suddenly doesn't work like it used to and we have to do a bit of tweaking to find new strategies which will work now that the goal posts have moved.
I wonder if perhaps your honeymoon period is starting to come to an end or at least a few more of your beta cells have been killed off, which might mean that your basal insulin dose(s) are no longer holding you steady and if your basal dose is not optimised then nothing makes sense and you end up fire fighting with corrections of your fast acting insulin to try to keep a lid on things.
It may be that some basal testing will indicate if your basal insulin dose(s) need a little tweaking. It always amazes me that an extra unit or two of basal insulin and suddenly everything makes sense again, when previously I was injecting correction after correction to try to get my levels into range. Sometimes as much as 20 extra units of bolus a day, when just a couple of units of extra units of basal will fix it. I am not saying that you should increase your basal insulin because I have no idea if that is your problem but a basal test should show you if that is causing an issue.

As regards injecting being painful, I find that some areas are much more sensitive than others and some are downright painful whilst some I absolutely don't feel it at all. I do find that stretching the skin helps, so either pinching up or I put my fingers and thumb on my skin where I am going to inject and push them apart which tensions the skin in a similar way. This means that the needle slides through the skin more easily whereas if the skin is slack and a bit wrinkly the needle pushes the skin rather than gliding straight through it and that definitely hurts more.

If you are on insulin then you can eat a normal healthy diet the same as anyone else. You do not have to restrict your diet unless you need to lose weight and again, that is the same as anyone else who needs to lose weight, you just adjust your insulin to match what you are going to eat.

I assume you have been taught to carb count rather than being on fixed doses?

Which insulins are you using? Do you have a Libre or Dexcom CGM to monitor your levels?

I find coming to this forum regularly a learning from people who are more experienced and reading that other people struggle with similar issues to myself really reassuring, but also learning little tips and tricks to deal with those issues better. That knowledge gives me more power and confidence to manage my diabetes well and that makes it much less of a burden.
I have learned far more from the good people here than I have from the consultants, doctors and nurses.

 

[helli]

First things first - there is absolutely no reason to apologise. This forum is here for us to share with people who do get it.
Secondly, please stop telling yourself you "shouldn't feel this way". Why not? Part of your body is dying and you are trying to do the full time job of a major organ to manage something that is unpredictable. It is hard and it is relentless. It is not surprising that people with diabetes are more likely to experience mental health issues. It is often said that a diagnosis of diabetes (or any serious medical condition) is like going through the seven stages of grief: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and hope, Processing grief. Some of us go through all of them, some miss out on one or two but I think we should allow ourselves to grieve as we need.

Next thing is what you can do about how you feel. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Then there are the specific things you mention which can usually be handled practically once you have dealt with the mental issues.

I don't want to keep injecting.

I would love to say that you can stop but, sadly, we have to - our body is not producing insulin so we need to provide it.

I feel isolated and different from all my family.

Hopefully, this forum can help you feel less isolated. Maybe it is also worth talking to your DSN to see if there are others in your situation locally who you can talk to - like an unofficial self help.
As for being different to your family - we are all different in different ways whether it is the colour of our hair our preference for foods, etc. But one of the best things I was told when I was first diagnosed is that "diabetes should not stop you doing what you want". Sometimes, it takes a few tweaks but Type 1 diabete sis managed with insulin NOT exercise or diet so you should be able to join in with your family.

Hiding myself away at work to inject.

Why? Are you ashamed of injecting? Has someone asked you not to inject in front of them?
We are all different but I found it easer to just inject as if it was the most natural thing to do and if anyone else had an issue they could look away. Diabetes is nothing to be ashamed of.

My stomach is covered in stretch marks from having my babies it hurts to inject some days.

Injecting should not hurt. I recommend speaking to your DSN if it does. If the injection hurts, it may be worth asking to try different needles (some "flow" easier than others), consider injecting in other areas like your arms or legs or buttocks - as long as there is enough fat. However, some people find some insulins sting when they are injected . If this is the case for you, you should try another.

Worried about going out without my hypo kit just incase.

You can have many hypo kits and keep them in your bags and pockets so you don't forget. For most of us, it becomes second nature to check we have hypo treatment when we go anywhere.
There was a video last year along the lines of what would it be like if we no longer had Type 1 diabetes. One of the images that sticks in my mind is the guy leaving the house confused because he didn't have hypo treatment to pick up!

Always worrying about what to eat, depriving myself of the things I love and wanr to eat is making me fed up.

Sadly, "type 2 diabetes" is often abbreviated to "diabetes" so we are bombarded with messages about what we shouldn't eat with diabetes. This is not the case with Type 1 - we can eat what we want as much as someone without diabetes.

I have the gym and I know I should go but I just have no oomph to go.

Going to the gym because we feel we should go is no motivation. Rollercoastering BG is tiring so it is no surprise that you have no oomph. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I have lost over 2 stone since the diagnosis and I know I should continue but as soon as I get into it my alarm starts going off its low and I need to treat a hypo.

Start small and slow. Instead of the gym, go for a gentle walk with your family, for example.
And start with your BG a little higher so it has room to drop. If that means eating a biscuit before you get going, that is fine.
I think I would focus on building up exercise and learning how your diabetes can react and then look at the weight loss.

I'm struggling to get a balance and feel happy again I just want to not have diabetes anymore

I am so happy you used the word "balance" - this is the important thing for me with diabetes - not perfect Bg all the time but the best BG I can have whilst living the life I want without letting diabetes control it.
let yourself be angry with diabetes - I think of it like a petulant toddler who will never grow up and will follow me around for life. I just have to deal with it but it does not define me.

Sorry, I did not mean to waffle for so long.
Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to be angry with diabetes and remember you need balance.

 

[Mark72]

I think it'd be pretty abnormal not to get down about diabetes sometimes and that's as a t2 only on metformin not having to do maths about how much insulin to take or worry about hypos. My wife's supportive, I get praise for having lost weight but she doesn't really understand that much beyond having to eat differently but even then ate all the mini mince pies I'd got to have one or two of as treats over Christmas 😡.

To go further highlight people's lack of understanding I now need to go away and check what t1.5 LADA actually is, sounds sort of the worst of all worlds.

I think most of us would have ups and downs in our measurements over Christmas, it was my first since diagnosis and I had more treats than in my new normal diet though very much tried to keep it sensible. I also didn't check levels for a few days though I know that's not an option for you. I then pretty much lived on left over cheese & biscuits till New Year (cholesterol's going to be interesting at my next check up). So long as you're able to return to what for you has been normal and working before Christmas then hopefully that's good?

I'm sure some of the t1/t1.5 people will be along to offer support around injections and exercise (probably before I've typed this), but I would expect what you're going through is probably isn't unusual. I stress about different things but it's similar anxiety and worries caused by my illness and you have lots more to focus on and more complex management. It can't be easy and I'm somewhat in awe of all of you who have to manage through insulin injections.

 

[nonethewiser]

Can't really add anymore to what's already been said.

Once read that sometime after diagnosis we go into a grieving process longing for the care free life we had before, maybe word 'grieving' isn't suitable but it does make sense, remember feeling absolutely down few weeks after own diagnosis.

Maybe if things don't get better or progress seek professional advice.

 

[Inka]

@Katie_P34 What you’re feeling is normal - and completely justified. Diabetes isn’t great at the best of times, but at times like Christmas it’s particularly irritating and a pain in the behind, having to think and count all the time.

I think it takes a good year or two to properly get used to a Type 1/LADA diagnosis. It’s a huge lifestyle change and a lot to take onboard.

Just a few things:

- eat normally. Don’t deprive yourself of things unnecessarily.
- don’t be ashamed. It’s not your fault. Don’t hide away to inject
- you can inject in other areas as well as your stomach. Try those too.
- forget the gym if it’s upsetting or stressing you. There are plenty of other ways to get exercise.
- file ‘hypo kit’ with phone, keys and whatever - just things you need to remember.

Do you carb count and adjust your meal time insulin? The more you can hone your diabetes knowledge and experience, the more confident you’ll feel.

 

[SB2015]

My checklist for going out is

• Spectacles
• Handbag
• Insulin
• Test kit
• Emergency stuff

That for me sums it up at times, and it is perfectly normal to find managing your diabetes hard, irritating, time consuming, …. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. You have got your head round the practicalities, but it takes time to go through the grieving process.

A few years in I found things very hard and I was pleased that people on here encouraged me to ask for help. I got counselling and continued to work with my counsellor for many years. I was concerned that she would not understand diabetes management as she does not have diabetes. On the first meeting she asked me to describe what I had had to do for my diabetes that day. At the end of it she told me it was no surprised that I find it hard. We went on to put my diabetes in its place and to make it fit my life as @helli says. Not always easy to do but a good mantra. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and to let your DSN know how you are feeling. This will be no surprise to them.

No need to apologise for a rant/moan/… on here. We ‘get it’ and we all need to let of steam. Just keep posting, asking for help advice and also say how you are feeling. That is what the forum is for.

 

[Standup]

Lots of good advice but the main thing I picked up on was about hiding away to inject. As was mentioned its nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I'm very upfront about my diabetes if only because it makes simple things things like tea and biscuits during a break challenging. I use it as an opportunity to educate people and if they don't like me taking my 'medicine' then that's their problem. Fortunately no one has. A few people have real issues with needles so I'm happy to inject out of their direct sight. Mainly though (like me until a few months ago) they have no idea what's involved but they're learning - no one has told me I just need to eat a low carb diet for a couple of weeks now 🙂

But friends and colleagues are use to me injecting, munching skittles and jelly babies or sitting in the car park for 45 minutes before driving home etc. I also sometimes work with children and checking my CGM and then them telling me what to eat or more often not to eat is very much routine now.

I do think that if you feel defensive about your illness its going to put you on the back foot mentally straight away. I'm not sure you can ever be positive about it but its very much part of who I am now.

 

[Woodywoodpecker]

So sorry in advance if this long post and that it is a little depressing but I'm 7 months into my diagnosis of diabetes my consultant still doesn't know If I'm LADA ( even though my anti-GAD is 80) but c-peptide levels are still high. I've been on insulin since 26th June. I got the handle on it pretty quick didn't let it sink in I guess I was like a robot I just did it.
Then over Christmas my husband was like you eat what you want it's Christmas you have your insulin etc, I didn't go crazy I stayed some what healthy eating but my blood sugars was so up and down, and was really hard to get the handle of them some times.
But we are now in the second week of January and I'm struggling mentally. I don't want to keep injecting. I feel isolated and different from all my family. Hiding myself away at work to inject. My stomach is covered in stretch marks from having my babies it hurts to inject some days. Worried about going out without my hypo kit just incase. Always worrying about what to eat, depriving myself of the things I love and wanr to eat is making me fed up. I have the gym and I know I should go but I just have no oomph to go. I have lost over 2 stone since the diagnosis and I know I should continue but as soon as I get into it my alarm starts going off its low and I need to treat a hypo. I'm struggling to get a balance and feel happy again I just want to not have diabetes anymore
I know I shouldn't feel like this but I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm sorry for the long depressing post. I just need to talk about it. My husband doesn't get it.

Hi Katie I was diagnosed in April with type 1. Been where you are not eating what I normally eat, thinking no one understands what I’m going through and feeling. Believe me it gets easier, I’m more relaxed in my eating and injecting in public. My work has been brilliant, first aiders have just done a course which included diabetes, if I have a hypo there is someone there if I need help. I’m sure if you discuss it with work they will then understand more. A lot off people don’t realise how many times a day we have to inject, lassies at work have told me they have noticed I’m more relaxed with it all now. Was my first Christmas as well, I didn’t go mad but enjoyed my food. Christmas was good but new year, everything went south but I’m getting back on track now. This forum is brilliant for support help and tips, even just to moan or vent your frustrations. I have learnt more on here than I have from doctors

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

But we are now in the second week of January and I'm struggling mentally. I don't want to keep injecting. I feel isolated and different from all my family. Hiding myself away at work to inject. My stomach is covered in stretch marks from having my babies it hurts to inject some days. Worried about going out without my hypo kit just incase. Always worrying about what to eat, depriving myself of the things I love and wanr to eat is making me fed up. I have the gym and I know I should go but I just have no oomph to go. I have lost over 2 stone since the diagnosis and I know I should continue but as soon as I get into it my alarm starts going off its low and I need to treat a hypo. I'm struggling to get a balance and feel happy again I just want to not have diabetes anymore
I know I shouldn't feel like this but I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm sorry for the long depressing post. I just need to talk about it. My husband doesn't get it.

Thanks for sharing how you have been feeling @Katie_P34 - thanks for being so honest with us.

As others have said - you aren’t alone, and many people on the forum will completely recognise the feelings you describe.

Diabetes can be wearing , relentless, and exhausting to live with at times. And low mood can make the day-to-day palaver of diabetes management even harder to slog through.

I hope that sharing your experiences here among people who “get it” helps you feel less isolated, and the shared stories help you work through this tricky time.

Was it Churchill who said,”When you’re going through hell… keep going”