Just to let you know...........

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Flutterby

Flutterby

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
a confession before bedtime! I'm really struggling at the moment with being very down and tearful. I don't know why because I've coped fairly well with the 4 months since my stroke, then the statin hassle and now, when it's nearly christmas and I should be all happy, I can't stop crying!

I get frustrated as I don't really feel safe to go out on my own but I did try it today and ended up in tears! My sister had to come and "rescue" me, take me to the pub (still bawling) and make me eat lunch and have a cuppa.

Now of course I feel very silly. she has offered to help me finish all my christmas shopping tomorrow but I'm supposed to be at a regular meeting I attend and I don't want to let them down but at the same time I could benefit from getting all these oddments when I have company. I think I will take her up on the offer and just be honest to my other friends.

My dr has already increased my anti-depressants so maybe they will kick in. I just feel useless, I can't work, can't keep up with housework as I would like to, can't cook meals properly because my hand still lets me down sometimes and my brain gets tired and confused, can't even make my cards at the speed I used to, can't write letters unless I type them..........so what use am I?

I'm going to bed in a minute as i'm tired and that's not helping but thought I would confess to you, my friends.xx
 
Awww dear I just read this and feel so sad for you. Don't know what to say really but I do hope you start to feel a bit better soon.xx
 
Hey, my dear, you've been through an awful lot and it takes time to get your strength and confidence back. I remember (totally different thing, mind) when I broke my femur and couldn't leave the house for weeks on end, I went out for the first time just to go to the postbox at the top of my road. I felt so disoriented and awful that I was so pleased to get back home again. It took quite some time before I felt comfortable again 'out in the world'.

Take things at your own pace, and if you need to cry, then do, it needs to be let out. I hope things go well tomorrow, whatever you decide to do. This does make me realise just how brave you were to come and join us in Birmingham, and I'm so pleased you did 🙂
 
Flutterby said:
a confession before bedtime! I'm really struggling at the moment with being very down and tearful. I don't know why because I've coped fairly well with the 4 months since my stroke, then the statin hassle and now, when it's nearly christmas and I should be all happy, I can't stop crying!

I get frustrated as I don't really feel safe to go out on my own but I did try it today and ended up in tears! My sister had to come and "rescue" me, take me to the pub (still bawling) and make me eat lunch and have a cuppa.

Now of course I feel very silly. she has offered to help me finish all my christmas shopping tomorrow but I'm supposed to be at a regular meeting I attend and I don't want to let them down but at the same time I could benefit from getting all these oddments when I have company. I think I will take her up on the offer and just be honest to my other friends.

My dr has already increased my anti-depressants so maybe they will kick in. I just feel useless, I can't work, can't keep up with housework as I would like to, can't cook meals properly because my hand still lets me down sometimes and my brain gets tired and confused, can't even make my cards at the speed I used to, can't write letters unless I type them..........so what use am I?

I'm going to bed in a minute as i'm tired and that's not helping but thought I would confess to you, my friends.xx
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Don't be hard on yourself, in my experience tears have a habit of catching up with you when you least expect it. I think you should go back and have a word with the GP and see if they can recommend a physio who can actually help you and give you tips on doing the things you are finding difficult.

Do you think the special utensils designed for people with arthritis would help in the kitchen. I know its not the same but they may be of some help.

The people who care about you won't care whether they receive hand written or typed letters - they will just be pleased to hear from you and glad you made the effort.

I think that you are amazing - you haven't given in to the stroke - you are out there trying to get better and not giving up on life. It's the depression that is making you think you are of no use - but you are and are providing inspiration to a lot of people.

Hope you have a good nights sleep and feel a bit better tomorrow.
 
It will take time for your confidence to build up. After my Mum had stroke it took her about 6 months before she was back to her old self.

Just take things slowly and before you know your confidence will re build.

Take your sister up on her offer of help of finishing your christmas shopping it will be one less thing to worry about.

Take care
 
Margie couldn't have said it better!

So sorry you're struggling, Flutterby. Sending you big hugs.

Your sister sounds like she's a good friend to you. Don't be embarrassed - she obviously cares about you very much. I would take her up on the offer of shopping too - spending time with someone close to you may help, and getting over the hurdle of Christmas shopping will be a relief & an accomplishment.

I've suffered with depression in the past, and found that this time of year is worst. The cold, dark days make things seem all the more miserable, and everyone else seems to be happy & excited about Christmas while you're feeling low. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way. Be kind to yourself, keep talking about it & take things a day at a time.

Hope you feel better soon, hun.
 
It sounds like you need to give yourself time and build your confidence up - and take any help you can get - your sister sounds lovely so go shopping and enjoy the day - I am sure it will help.🙂Bev
 
Hi, the only thing I can suggest is meditation. It was recommended to me by my GP and psychologist as helping with anxiety/depression. I've done it a couple of times but found it really useful last week. Bad day in the office resulted in me bursting into tears in front of everyone!! So embarrassing! So I booked a meeting room and did a session in my lunchbreak - felt so much better when I came back. Definately more relaxed and calmer! xx
 
Hi
I have been there too . MY stroke was just over 2 years ago now , Yes it takes time to feel better from it , but Hey! . you are still here .........
I was given goals to achieve like getting to get my hand & arm going . a lot of time it took . but I got there. It dosen't happen over night , just have to work at it . I didn't go out or anything so I got cross stitching again😉 as for going out I have to have company to push the wheelchair, but at times I wouldn't go out! Gradually, I wanted to gout and had to really cos of other illnesses.
Please don't give up ..... keeping trying a little bit each day 🙂
If you want to pm me please do

Hugs Mo xxx
 
hope your feeling better soon, big hugs xx
 
Hi Flutterby,

am so sorry u are feeling so down too :( it really isn't a good place to be is it? My heart goes out to you I want you to know I will be thinking about you and hope that the darkness you are experiencing at the moment lifts soon 🙂

Take care of yourself, love and hugs, Shirl xx

PM me if u want to talk
 
So sorry to hear that you're down. I can't give any good and sensible adivce not already given, so you get a big HUG from me. xx
 
I agree with all the advice already given on here....

it really is just a day at a time, and step by step. you WILL get there.

I really hope you are feeling much better today and more confident.

xx
 
Oh my word, I'm overwhelmed by such a response. Thanks to each and every one of you for taking time to reply and for your words of advice and encouragement. I won't begin to try to respond to each of you and I know you don't expect me to, but each is appreciated and treasured.

I think that indeed it's built up over the months of trying firstly to believe that this has actually happened, the dreadful delay in getting my MRI result which left me in no mans land for ages and then simply coming to terms with it at the same time as being ill from the statins and trying to manage the D including a change of insulin! I suppose when I write it down I can see that it's loads to cope with. At first I had Paul at home but then he got a job (which is good of course, very good) but it was another big adjustment.

I've gone from a reasonably able person (albeit with a habit of eating jelly babies in the most unseemly way even during communion at church "and Jesus blessed the jelly babies....") to someone who's fumbling around, fuzzy headed and fighting panic attacks! But yes, as somebody said, I'm still here! That's another thing, Christmas - at first I wondered if I would be here! So I suppose that every now and then it all gets a bit too much.

I've been out with Kirsty, my sister, and we managed to get all the bits and pieces I wanted sorting out. I got tired halfway so we went to the pub (again, thank goodness for Wetherspoon!) and had a bite to eat and then did a bit more and I came home in a taxi. So yes it's done now and I can wrap it up in my now rather haphazard fashion!

If I could shake off this feeling of being a pain or a tie or a burden to people I'd be ok. I've always been a bit like this, too independent for my own good sometimes.

Anyway, thank you again for all of your thoughts and hugs, I will read them over again when I feel down.

Lots of Love, Karen.x
 
Oddly enough Flutter, I often find that the tears start when things begin to improve or the pressure is off and I have time to relax. Having to cope with the aftermath of a stroke and the diabetes must be so difficult so don't beat yourself up if it seems overwhelming at times, just take a deep breath and yell for help. It's good that your sister is happy to help you and I'm sure your friends will understand you missing the meeting. It's important to make sure you're getting enough 'me time' as the Americans call it and that you're not trying to do to much too soon. Stretching yourself is one thing, but overdoing it could be harmful. You WILL get there in the end, just don't try to do everything at once, pace yourself and take frequent breaks (I'm sure you know all this already).

((((HUGS))))
 
Thanks Alison, perhaps it's because finally we can cry, up till then we are just too involved in survival. It's the fear as well "will it happen again?" Nobody can tell me, it's just a case of hope not! I think you are right in that I should take things a bit slower, I've noticed that once I put in an appearance at church/meetings etc they think "oh she's ok now, see you next week!" and some weeks I can't be bothered or simply need to make use of a Sunday to have a lie in, the only day I really can as I need to be up and about before Paul goes to work as having a shower etc just needs a bit of supervision or at least someone there in case I get into trouble! So thank you for the reminder, and the hugs.xx
 
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