Just need to talk... I'm stuck

[Sweet Pea]

I'm almost 8 months into my T2 life, its fair to say that in the first 3 months I was very good. I made all the right changes, started walking, eating better, gave up all the bad things, smoking and sugar things. Fear was an excellent motivator, I saw my Grandmother die as a result of T2 Complications. But since then its been a gradual slip back into all the old ways...

I have a history of depression, I am an emotional eater. I am never full, always hungry. No matter how I try to be positive and 'up-beat' I have to admit that my default state is 'glass half empty'. When I think things are finally going good, something breaks me down again.

It doesn't surprise me that I ended up with T2 Diabetes, I ate and drank as I wished and I have a pretty sedentary lifestyle, I am the typical stereotype.

Over the past few months my mood has changed, this morning I woke at 04.30 and I basically didn't care if died. Yesterday I went to the doctor, I tried to explain how I was feeling, apart from the side affects I am having on the Metformin, he congratulated me on my non-smoking, he said lifestyle was the hardest thing to change but it was that lifestyle that got me here in the first place and I should try to find someone to talk to (although he was quick to say the NHS wouldn't help with that). He changed my Metformin to the slow release kind, maybe this will stop the extreme wind I have, it cant be right that I poo 7+ times a day. And apparently according to him I shouldn't be hungry all the time because Metformin suppresses appetite. He also scolded me for not taking my Statins and he changed that too. I had known that once he looked at my HBA1C number that he would think I was doing ok, and indeed he actually turned the computer screen to show me... I said - I know my numbers are good... but I am not doing ok. - I told him about my memory loss, my fear that I am forgetting everything, I told him about my hands, I cant grip properly anymore, I don't type properly anymore.

I had recently done the ESTER course and they had said I should talk to my GP. But what good has that done?

When I came out of the GP's I went to Waitrose and bought a Sourdough Bread and self medicated on bread all day.

And as I type this all out, I am close to tears. I am miserable, and I am stuck, I know what I could do, I know what I should do, but I don't. I don't do the things I should and it seems that I don't care. I feel like I'm fighting with myself.

 

[Northerner]

Aw Sweet Pea, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so down Unfortunately, if you're comfort eating then the fluctuations it will cause in your blood sugar levels will have a depressive effect on your mood, exacerbating how you are feeling - particularly vicious thing to happen when you are already feeling low How long have you stopped smoking for? That can also drive you to find an alternative distraction activity, so you are battling a lot of things all at once. It's a shame that your GP didn't do more to help with the underlying feelings of depression - it doesn't sound to me like the root cause is the diabetes.

Try to think of the positives - stopping smoking is a HUGE thing, I know I've done it myself, but it is the single best thing you can do for your health, so a massive well done for that 🙂 Try snacking on protein - nuts, cheese, cold meat, carrot sticks, or perhaps sugar-free jelly if you fancy something sweet. Breaking that cycle of spiking blood sugar levels with comfort food will help, and it it is surprising how quickly your tastes can change. How long ago did you stop the statins, and what change did the GP make? I have heard of members here who suffered memory problems because of statins, so it's possible it is related to those. Do you know what your cholesterol levels are?

Remember that your Grandma probably didn't have access to the treatments, knowledge and support that you do, so what happened to her shouldn't be an example of your prospects - you've already improved your chances by coming here and talking about your problems and how you feel.

Try not to become overwhelmed by everything, set yourself small, achievable goals and each day take those baby steps - rather than focusing on the bad, try to look forward to ticking off those positives 🙂 If you feel things aren't improving then do go back to your GP and tell them what you have told us here - see a different GP if possible, sometimes a particular GP can be too focused on the diabetes as being the main problem, whereas it sounds to me like you need help for the underlying depression.

I do hope you can have a brighter day today and start to turn the corner. Remember, baby steps, don't try and solve all your problems at once, and do please keep talking hear, it can help a lot to know you are not alone and others will really understand how you are feeling 🙂

 

[KookyCat]

Hi Sweetpea

Everything Northerner has just said I second most heartily, but I'd like to add that you really must talk to the GP separately about the depression. I think he's assuming that it's related to the diabetes and I suspect there are deeper issues there, so could I suggest you have an open and very frank discussion about how you're feeling in a separate appointment? Early morning waking, feelings of emotional flatness etc are very strong indicators of depression. Incidentally depression can for those who are susceptible be a side effect of quitting smoking as the brain gets used to living without the chemicals. In that instance anti depressants can be very useful to address the balance. He needs to view you as a a complex human rather than just focus on the diabetes.

In a separate appointment ask about slow release Metformin or alternatives to help with the gastric side effects. He should be able to provide some useful alternatives. A tip, don't ask him whether the side effects are acceptable, tell him they are not and ask for solutions. That way it's much harder for him to dismiss it.

This does all get better diabetes wise I promise you, it's a massive change but you can get through it, your doctor just needs to realise you need support to do it. Incidentally if he says you need to talk to someone, but the NHS won't provide that again, you have my permission to tick him off mightily. Mental health, in case he wasn't listening that day in medical school, is just as important as physical health, and is covered very clearly in the mandate of the NHS. They might be failing in that regard but that doesn't give them the right to give up completely, and it certainly doesn't give him the right to wash his hands of supporting you. I hope you get some better help from him very soon, and know you're welcome to talk to us as much as you need 🙂

 

[grovesy]

I too have had depression and am an emotional eater!
I found way approached changing what I eat initially as unsustainable for me long term. You need to find what works for you and can be maintained long term. I now try to eat less carbohydrates but not the very low that some do. I also reduced my portion size too! I aim to have more good days than bad.
It is a marathon not a sprint!
Is there another Doctor who you could see that might listen to you!

 

[bilbie]

There are a couple of things I would consider. Firstly whether it was a food addiction or a carb addiction. I know my mood improved with stable BG
This gives a simple overview to how it works for me. The more carbs I eat the more carbs I want. They don’t give up easy and it’s biochemical
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEayi6IBjZw&list=PLCD72F4109EDC4BD8&index=6

what to expect the first week, besides being hungry for the first 36 hours, then it stops
https://www.verywell.com/getting-through-the-first-week-2242037

Secondly, when reading about LCHF diets and insulin resistance, you may also come across Leptin resistance, the other side of the coin.
watch from 24 minutes into the video
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceFyF9px20Y

 

[Amigo]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so bad Sweet Pea and I agree with the others that you need to discuss this bad depression with a different doctor. Although diabetes may be exacerbating your problems and clearly is causing physical symptoms, despite what your GP says, you are entitled to psychological and psychiatric help on the NHS. There may be waiting lists but you have a right to have your emotional needs met,

I know you feel like everything feels very pointless at the moment but this is a symptom of your illness not a reality. You must tell the doctor that you've had suicidal thoughts. Sending best wishes that you feel much brighter and more positive soon.

 

[Lilian]

Sweet Pea (((hugs))). Have a look at this, it may help, after the bubble business lol.

It may be worth giving it a try.

 

[Sweet Pea]

@Lilian have you tried this ?

 

[Lilian]

No, I haven't. But I do not have the same problems. I find if I do not eat a lot of carbs I do not crave them. I am fortunate enough to sleep well and thankfully not depressed or stressed. I only have a problem when going out to eat and finding it near impossible to find low carb options.

 

[Jonsi]

Hi Sweet Pea ...a couple of years ago Depression & Anxiety hit me hard. It cost me my job of 16 years and 18 months of mental hell which I am now coming out of thanks to a terrific GP, magnificent understanding and support from my family, some helping medication (which I'm still on) and a 2nd chance at 'getting back to normal' offered to me by the company I now work for. The advice and recommendations that have already been mentioned by Forum members above is correct. It IS a Marathon not a sprint and things will take time but it will become easier. I think all of us have been on the road you are now travelling on (to greater or lesser degrees) so take heart from that and know that, despite the way it might look now, there is a good life ahead, even with diabetes, after this episode has passed.

I'm not proud that I suffer with Depression, but I'm not ashamed of it either and I won't be defined by it either. I will talk about it because understanding of it needs to be out there, in the open. Talking about Diabetes health in the mainstream is not unusual now (although there are still some dinosaurs out there) and it should be the same with Mental Health too.

This Forum can offer you loads of help and support (you only have to read some of the threads to see just how much) so use it 🙂

 

[trophywench]

If it's a Group practice or at least has more than one doc, I highly recommend seeing someone else. In fact - anyone else! One of 'our' surgery nurses is really good at getting to the nub of whatever - she just has the knack - and when she does my BP during the bog standard diabetes and asthma checks which is why I go to see her - it's always brilliant! Far far better than when anyone else - including me at home, EVER gets!

I absolutely accidentally happened to see one of the GPs I only ever really went to see about 'skin' things cos he was the one who did eg wart removal, but anyway he's nice, so when they couldn't get me in with the one I was seeing I said OK cos I had to keep going for regular reviews of the anti depressants - and he said straight away once we'd had a chat - that he thought I might do better on something different - I did - and I started to feel better just talking to him ! Some have the knack and some most definitely don't - mainly the bloke with the Special Interest in diabetes, he is absolutely awful and perfectly useless at empathy and understanding! I was most likely lucky as I also got 6 sessions with a counsellor - discussion based but CBT oriented - took me over a year to get it though and that was at least 10 years ago.

There are places you can access CBT privately, if you can afford it of course. Strange as it sounds - for instance, some offices of 'Relate' (yep the 'marriage guidance' people) also offer counselling for totally unrelated 'stuff' - and they are good at it too.

Do go back to the docs with this being your prime purpose - not 'alongside' your diabetes cos otherwise, people WILL automatically associate it with that and nothing else - and actually it's rarely D on it's own, at all. But be aware that the D does complicate and add to whatever other stuff we have to deal with - like you I coped fine when it was just that, but when the other issues arose because I'd had to cope with some of them before and done OK - when they ALL came together, the whole of me couldn't cope - and some of it actually relates to my early childhood - well before the Diabetes Fairy had waved her wand at me. Blimey - that WAS a Big Surprise - BUT it enabled me to understand the whole messy lot - and once you actually understand the REAL underlying reasons 'Why' - you can start to make things easier for yourself.

Good luck with it - and always remember - recognising yourself that you have a problem is the very first step that anyone needs to make, in order to start sorting themselves out successfully.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[Bry Caby]

At my lowest - the GP was also not much help.
Part of the problem was I did not express the issues strongly enough to her. Describing the full issues would take me lower causing me to dry up. The GP never got the full story verbally and assumed the problems to be mainly physical.
Two things helped slowly;
1) Talking directly to the charity MIND. These people really listened, reassuared and cared.
2) Writing out the full issues and taking that to the next GP meeting (asking the GP to read whilst I sat there). This started a process which 6 years later had me in a much better state.

Sadly nothing happens quickly. Keep chatting and sharing the journey here.

Looking at the video above, that baloon would not hold me for long - a sharkcage on rollers perhaps?

 

[Ralph-YK]

{*hugs*}
I've had the same problem of a couple of people saying it's well controlled went it's not controlled at all.

 

[Sweet Pea]

Good morning and Happy Sunday, I hope you're all having a lovely weekend.

Thank you so much for your support, kind words and advice. It's truly appreciated.

The slow release Metformin seems to have had an affect already, the pain in my tummy and the extreme wind & diarrhoea are already subsiding. This in of itself is a huge relief, and I went out to Brighton yesterday for a day out, even brought my crochet with me.

I looked into the Tryptophan, I'm giving it a go. Early days yet, but I do feel calmer this morning. I'd be interest to hear of anyone with experience of this.

My GPs is a 2 surgery practice/group. My own GP (Dr R) is on leave at the moment, so the doctor I saw on Thursday was Dr P. He is the Diabetes Manager !!!!! When my own GP returns from holidays I will arrange to see her and tell her what's been happening.

Hugs to you all 🙂

P

 

[Maz2]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment. Your GP is certainly not correct about the depression. The NHS can and should deal with it if you need help.

Although I have not got to diabetes yet - just "high risk" at present - I agree with the posters on here about the carbs. I found when I was having far too many previously I just wanted more and more. I never felt full despite the fact that I had had enough to eat. I was particularly bad with bread - I could have sat and ate one piece after another. I still eat it but much less of it and don't crave it so much. I am not suffering your low moods though so that will very likely make your cravings worse.

I have nowhere near the knowledge of others on here but I do not know that Northerner is absolutely right in that there is much more help available now for diabetes than years ago when your Grandmother had it. I remember my aunt's husband (not directly related to me) - she was the wife of my Mom's brother - had diabetes in the 1960s/1970s time. He had an absolutely dreadful time but things have definitely changed for the better.