If only it was just the Diabetes...

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Ellowyne

Ellowyne

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Today, feel like I can't cope...don't want to cope anymore, and as for diabetes, well is can just take a running jump. My son, he suffers with complex mental health issues, he is so depressed at this time, onlky 18 and he wants to end his life...the life I gave him. I am such in a state, he won't let me phone anyone or ge him any help, I feel so lost and alone, the pain he feels runs through my veins like razors. As for the bloody mental health section, well, they just don't seem to care, it's taken so long to even get him an assessment to have a care co ordinator....it will be many more weeks before any help is put into place, and, as they tell me, he is 18, if he does'nt want help they can't force him to have any, which I understand, but where does that leave him?....I can only be there for him and try to comfort him, but he, well, he never gets angry or shouts, he closes up and just will not talk or eat or come out of his room...I know this sounds selfish but can't bare this pain anymore...I wish I would be struck down if my son could only feel better. And, what kind of mother have I been anyway???....God bloody awful, how can he just feel like this on his own, I must of done something wrong. I am sory, I know this is not diabetes related, but I have now where else to turn to.......NO where, my family is very isolated wit no support network, funny a...I always think, if I was to die my family would be out in force, all crying, lol!....But now, when you need help, because they do not know what to say.....the say nothing.

How do you help someone with such depression?....he wants me to leave him alone, I don't, I tell him I will have to check on him every 2 hours at least, I am too afraid to just let him 'get on with it' I love him too much, I do give him space....but I can't just keep away for hours on end when I know he will be laying in his bed, blind shut and in he dark....If he does something I could not go on....I just am so lost.
 
Hi Ellowyne, very sorry to hear how troubled your son is feeling. Please don't blame yourself - depression is a very complex thing and there can be any number of reasons why he is feeling this way. Has he been diagnosed or is this what you are waiting for, at his assessment? Does he ever feel very active and 'buzzing', even if only for short periods? If so, he may be bipolar and this is due to an imbalance in brain chemicals. Or is it his situation? The better he understands the reasons for his depression, the more successfully he can tackle it, and recognise it should it return.

One very good book I read a long time ago that helped me was Stop Thinking, Start Living: Discover Lifelong Happiness by Richard Carlson. It explains how negative feelings about yourself feed back on themselves and gives you ways to cope and reject the feelings. I still use the techniques to this day.

Hope this helps a little, and that some sushine comes into both your lives soon.
 
Ellowyne, is there a real chance he might hurt himself? If there is and the Powers aren't acting fast enough to help, it might be worth talking to your doctor about getting him admitted to a short term facility. I know it sounds drastic, but it would get both of you some respite and real help. If he's talking about harming himself then that's sufficient grounds to do it. Even though it may seem like a dreadful thing to do to your child there are times when it's the only way. Don't be afraid to ask for help from the professionals, and don't be afraid to tell us what's happening, none of us is going mind.
 
Hi Ellowyn, I can't offer you much help. In answer to the question of what kind of mother are you. From your post (an other posts) I'd say you are a very caring loving person.

While it may not be possible to make your son take help at 18, you are there for him offering help and support, which is very important. Someone has already suggested you chat to your GP, so that is one way to go. Do you have any support for yourself? If so maybe you can have a chat there too.

I hope things sort out for you very soon.
 
Hi Ellowyn, am so sorry that u r going thro such a rough time at the moment.

I can relate with your story as my daughter has suffered with depression since she was 15 (she's now 18) and was self harming as well! I was at my wits end, and if I had to go out I was so terrified at what might be waiting for me when I got back home. I blamed myself for being such a rubbish mum and sometimes even now I still blame myself for not seeing what was happening, but I also realise that hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Fortunately my daughter eventually realised that she needed help, and between us we went to our GP and he got my daughter seen very quickly.

U really need to get help for your son as soon as possible as depression will not go away on its own! I do hope that you can find the strength to do this, and if it will help please feel free to post a personal msg and I will reply as soon as I can, please take care, lv shirl x
 
Dear Ellowyn,

I'm sure you haven't done anything wrong, but i understand how easy it is to feel that way. My brother goes through periods of depression, we don;t know what brings them on or what eventually causes them to lift. My parents, especially my Dad, feel like you do, that it must have been something they did wrong that caused him to be depressed. He seems especially bad in the early part of the year, and at easter last year he hit a real low. I called NHS direct coz i didn;t know what else to do, he was, like your son, lying on his bed saying he didn't understand what the point of carrying on was. I'm so sorry that you're having to experience the same thing with your son, it's so scary and horrible. Anyway, my brother consented to speak to a nurse at NHS direct, although she obviously couldn't do much for him, she provided him with the numbers for SANE, Mind and the Samaritans, and they talked for a while and it really helped.
It's so frustrating, i wished i could do something to help, but i knew i couldn;t really do anything unless he asked me to. What's more i know it can come back to him overnight. He did read a book called "Living With The Black Dog" or something, and found the Cognative Behaviour therapy helped him.He didn't take anti-depressants out of choice, excpet he tried St Johns Wart on a previous occassion and seemed to think that helped. I think depression is particularly hard on young men too. It's no easier being a diabetic carer/support giver, i was newly diagnosed and got very frustrated about putting my problems aside, willingly or unwillingly to try to help him. I can't rmember exactly what was said, but my dad reported something my brother had said, to me as we went to the supermarket one day and got the reaction "well, he thinks he's the only one with a problem?!!!? At least some people can resort to comfort eating! I can't even do that anymore!!"
(yes, i know that was very unsympathetic and yes comfort eating really doesn't solve anything, but that's how wound up and frustrated i was). Crikey i'm getting kinda chokey thinking about it now....
Moral of that story is, you've got to take care of yourself too. You really can't help your son if you're sick. I know it's hard, and it must be even harder for you because he's your son. You strike me as being quite a strong lady Ellowyn, i really wish there was something more helpful i could do or say.

Rachel
 
Thank youm so much for all your kind and supportive messages....and thank you for sharing some of your own experiences with depression and the people you love. It has been a really difficult night with my son. He was very dostressed last night, saying he wanted to die and sobbing....it broke my heart to see him in so much pain, knowing I could only try best to comfort him and be there for him. I became very worried and phoned the local Mental Health Crisis team. They said that if I was really worried that I could request for him to be assessed under section 12 of he mental health act. As scared as I was I really did not want to go down tha road unless I was at the point of, well, despair....He said to give him some Diazepam, a prescription he had from a while back but had the tablets at home, just to calm him down and help him sleep. So, I decided to hold fire on the assessment, and gave my son the medication. He seemed to calm down a little so I sat with him and he eventually became quite sleepy and fell alseep. Today, well, the Dr he feels comfortable with is coming to see him, I think she will prescribe some anti depressents. The mental health team have said that, if needed they will come to see him, not with regards to sectioning, just as a crisis visit, he is due to have his full assessment on the 11th June, this will then determine the treatment the will give him....at last some movement!....I guess I just have to gage each day as it happens.

Again, thank you all so much, I am trying to stay strong, it is so very difficult though....please god today he will feel a little better.

Thank you, Ellowyne.
 
Sorry you had such a terrible night with your son an do hope he's feeling a little betta this morning! I agree with Rachael when she says you also need to look after yourself too, all that u can do for your son at the moment is take it a day at a time. I do think u also need to take whatever help is offered to your son, hopefully they may have a placement for him in a Day Centre, which will give you time for you! Take care, and hp all gets sorted soon, lv shirl x
 
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