RachelT
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1.5 LADA
Warning: This post contains self pity and other irrational emotional issues.
Why do i always feel worse when i come out than when i went in? It was my first annual diabetes check up today, and on the whole, it's good news. HBA1c, Cholesterol, blood pressure, kidney and thyroid function are all good, normal or well within range (5.6!!). This is something of a miracle coz i'm rubbish at taking my tablets except for my Metformin... This news is given to me by my diabetes practice nurse, who is brilliant. Unfortunately the one thing that hasn't fallen into acceptable limits is my weight... Blimey, i've only kicked a bar-a-day chocolate habit, given up full fat milk and coke and crisps and cake. How many calories do i have not to eat before i lose weight? The only way i seem to be able to shift the stuff is to have rampaging hyperglycemia and thyroid hormone levels, which obviously is what landed me in this mess in the first place...
That's not great, i'm now feeling guilty about the ammount of toast i eat...
Then it's in to see my GP, who seems to have a problem providing explainations for anything. He checks my feet, which came as a bit of a suprise, coz nobody has done that before in the last 12 months, but yeah, i know it's something that they like to do. I'm fairly confident that my feet are ok, it still hurts when i stub my toe and i still feel stones in my shoes... Anyway, there seems to be a problem with my right foot, he wants me to come back for a test and writes "doppler scan" on a piece of paper. My first reaction is "OMG! He thinks i've got DVT!!! I'm gonna have a heart attack!! How did that happen?". I ask about the thyroid function tests, about weither i should get another one, and end up getting flustered and upset because i'm explaining again about a problem i had with a hospital referal that got mixed up last march. (All the time thinking that this is the sort of thing that happens to my 80+ year old grandparents...) when he tells me to calm down. Calm down??? I'm the one with the chronic illness here mr!
(My type 1 co-worker says that they do this test to her all the time and doesn't mean i've got DVT, but my GP never said that...i'm sure my hyperchondria would be better if my doctor explained things to me.)
I leave feeling guilty about being overweight and having a toast addiction and sick and very very concious of being diabetic...
This wouldn't be so bad, but it being literally a year since i was diagnosed with the damned thing and it'be been at the forefront of my mind that this isn't going to go away, or get better, ever. In fact it's probably going to get worse someday. Which leads to the inevitable "why me?" I'm sick of it, i want to not feel guilty about what i eat, i want to be able to celebrate the end of the week with a bottle of wine and or large quantities of ice cream. I want to not have to take tablets every day, with the prospect of insulin dependance looming in the future someday. i want not to be paranoid everytime i get a cold, and not have a flipping aching arm for two days after my flu jab!!I don't want blood tests or eye tests or foot test or doppler tests. It's stupid and unrealistic i know ,but 18 months ago, i felt i was pretty much indestructable, i thought i was healthy and was likely to not have to trouble the NHS more than once every year or so with a chest infection, if i was unlucky. Oh, hell, i miss it...i feel bad about having to have time off work for drs appointments or the sick leave i needed last year to try and get my head around being diabetic. I feel so different to my friends and co-workers (even the diabetic ones). I know this is stupid, i know that this forum is full of people with worse problems than I have, and i'm really embarassed about being such a wuss and a whiner, but i'll feel better when this is off my chest. And you guys understand.
Sorry about that, thanks for listening
Rachel
Why do i always feel worse when i come out than when i went in? It was my first annual diabetes check up today, and on the whole, it's good news. HBA1c, Cholesterol, blood pressure, kidney and thyroid function are all good, normal or well within range (5.6!!). This is something of a miracle coz i'm rubbish at taking my tablets except for my Metformin... This news is given to me by my diabetes practice nurse, who is brilliant. Unfortunately the one thing that hasn't fallen into acceptable limits is my weight... Blimey, i've only kicked a bar-a-day chocolate habit, given up full fat milk and coke and crisps and cake. How many calories do i have not to eat before i lose weight? The only way i seem to be able to shift the stuff is to have rampaging hyperglycemia and thyroid hormone levels, which obviously is what landed me in this mess in the first place...
That's not great, i'm now feeling guilty about the ammount of toast i eat...
Then it's in to see my GP, who seems to have a problem providing explainations for anything. He checks my feet, which came as a bit of a suprise, coz nobody has done that before in the last 12 months, but yeah, i know it's something that they like to do. I'm fairly confident that my feet are ok, it still hurts when i stub my toe and i still feel stones in my shoes... Anyway, there seems to be a problem with my right foot, he wants me to come back for a test and writes "doppler scan" on a piece of paper. My first reaction is "OMG! He thinks i've got DVT!!! I'm gonna have a heart attack!! How did that happen?". I ask about the thyroid function tests, about weither i should get another one, and end up getting flustered and upset because i'm explaining again about a problem i had with a hospital referal that got mixed up last march. (All the time thinking that this is the sort of thing that happens to my 80+ year old grandparents...) when he tells me to calm down. Calm down??? I'm the one with the chronic illness here mr!
(My type 1 co-worker says that they do this test to her all the time and doesn't mean i've got DVT, but my GP never said that...i'm sure my hyperchondria would be better if my doctor explained things to me.)
I leave feeling guilty about being overweight and having a toast addiction and sick and very very concious of being diabetic...
This wouldn't be so bad, but it being literally a year since i was diagnosed with the damned thing and it'be been at the forefront of my mind that this isn't going to go away, or get better, ever. In fact it's probably going to get worse someday. Which leads to the inevitable "why me?" I'm sick of it, i want to not feel guilty about what i eat, i want to be able to celebrate the end of the week with a bottle of wine and or large quantities of ice cream. I want to not have to take tablets every day, with the prospect of insulin dependance looming in the future someday. i want not to be paranoid everytime i get a cold, and not have a flipping aching arm for two days after my flu jab!!I don't want blood tests or eye tests or foot test or doppler tests. It's stupid and unrealistic i know ,but 18 months ago, i felt i was pretty much indestructable, i thought i was healthy and was likely to not have to trouble the NHS more than once every year or so with a chest infection, if i was unlucky. Oh, hell, i miss it...i feel bad about having to have time off work for drs appointments or the sick leave i needed last year to try and get my head around being diabetic. I feel so different to my friends and co-workers (even the diabetic ones). I know this is stupid, i know that this forum is full of people with worse problems than I have, and i'm really embarassed about being such a wuss and a whiner, but i'll feel better when this is off my chest. And you guys understand.
Sorry about that, thanks for listening
Rachel
please do stick around, i'm sure you will find people's posts here very supportive and helpful 