I don't want to do this anymore

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FairyNuff

FairyNuff

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Am really struggling with all this diabetes crud at the moment. Have been honeymooning for a while, but I know things are becoming bad again now. Last night before I went to bed my level was 14, I took my background insulin as usual and this morning it is 11. So I guess the honeymoon is over.

I know I haven't been testing enough, I know I'm not eating as sensibly as I could. No-one here knows, they ask, and I lie :confused: I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, I know I have to get this under control but I'm just not strong enough, I think I'm in denial.

I know I need to take some insulin now, I don't know how much to take, I'm so so scared of having a hypo while I'm taking care of Kitty. She isn't even 3 weeks old, I just want to enjoy my daughter not be worrying about levels and eating regular meals!

I'm sorry for rambling, I don't even know what I am asking for. Maybe just writing it all down will help me.
 
Hi Fairy.

I suspect we've all felt like it at some point, maybe for years, but that doesn't stop you feeling like it.

Your thought about writing it down is good. Your feelings and everything you do. It may help you to see the improvements that come from the routine.

I wish I could offer more practical advice but hopefully, coming on here and sharing your thoughts will give you the boost you need to keep yourself healthy so you can function better.

Rob
 
Hi Sarah,

I hope getting it out has helped.

I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now - a newborn baby alongside a very recent diagnosis must be incredibly difficult.

I think you're doing great. I know it must be difficult adjusting to getting higher numbers, but a high of 14 is not unusual, especially so soon after diagnosis when you're unfamiliar with adjusting doses, etc. I have had diabetes for 18 years and still get 14s on a semi-regular basis. Try not to be too hard on yourself - you're dealing with everything incredibly well.

My advice with your blood sugars is to take tiny baby steps with adjusting doses. Don't rush into anything. Don't feel bad for being scared of hypos - I often err on the high side to avoid hypos, & I don't have a newborn to look after. It's completely natural to want to avoid hypos as much as possible.

Do you have regular contact with a DSN? If you could have someone just a phonecall away you will feel a bit more confident. If you do have a contact, don't hesitate to phone & ask questions anytime you have them. Anyone with a recent diagnosis would be asking a ton of questions & looking for advice - add caring for a newborn into the mix & of course you'll have questions.

Anyway, sending big hugs to you. Like I said, you're going great!
 
Fairy, good advice from from Emma and hope you get back on top of your control soon!🙂
 
The best thing for you now is a support from people you love. Cook something tasty for them and invite to come round and share your delight of motherhood. When you worry about someone else you have less time to feel depressed about yourself. Your daughter needs a strong and loving and happy!!! mother beside her🙂
 
Thank you all for your support, as always you've made me feel better.

I've been avoiding my DSN, I'm sure they will help if I speak to them, and please don't think I don't have a loving, supportive family, my partner is amazing in all this, but I have been lying to him about how often I am checking levels :( like I said, have been in denial I think.

I'm going to monitor levels today but not take any extra insulin, then tomorrow when OH is at home I will take extra insulin if I think I need it, he will be here to keep an eye on us in case I go hypo. I had so many hypos during my pregnancy, maybe it won't be like that now, I guess I won't know until I start getting control back.

I think I wouldn't feel so bad if the boys were here, they have had hypo awareness training lol but they have gone to my in-laws for half term. So scared because it's just me and Kitty. I don't know how people cope with babies and diabetes, I'm finding it so daunting! I am her happy mum don't worry, she lights up my world 🙂 I just want to be safe for her too!

Thanks again for all your kind words, you've really helped me x
 
Writing down how you feel is good. It helps to put thoughts and ideas in order. We have all felt the way you do at some time or other.

Enjoy your daughter, sheis at a lovely age and she will be lovely for a long time. I suspect that as she is still quite small, she is waking in the night for a feed and you are feeling tierd during the day. Just a sugestion, when you put her down for a nap in the afternoon, you have a nap too. The carpets and the washing up can wait for an hour or two.

If you need help in working out a routine, the health visitor will be only too happy to help, and you have your diabetic care team who would be happy to help too. Sorry bit long winded, what I want to say is you're not alone, there is help if you want it.
 
Sarah
I am finding it unnerving enough being home alone with nathan (8 weeks old) and worrying about hypos, never mind being recently diagnosed. Your emotions must be all over the place too. Just the emotional ups and downs of post pregnancy are hard enough. I don't want to sound like I am preaching but you really should be testing. I admit I probably text too much but I check my levels before every feed and his bath time (if I am home alone). Having a bad hypo while is in the bath would be v bad.
Eating regular meals is nearly impossible with a newborn. Nathan is now settling in to a bit of a routine so I can get my lunch at a reasonsble time.

Don't be too frightened by a level of 14, it is not ideal, but the odd one in the teens is not going to cause you problems.

Keep in touch with everyone here, hopefully letting it out to us will help

Rx
 
Hiya 🙂

I can't really add to the advice already given but hope you are okay. As has been said already, pretty sure we all go through that phase! Enjoy your baby, they grow so fast as no doubt you already know! 🙂
 
Hi

I think you've been through an awful lot in such a short space of time being diagnosed whilst being pregnant must have been an extremely worrying time for you. I had diabetes for a year and a half when I fell pregnant with my little one and that was scary enough I still felt relatively new to it all myself then. Your still new to diabetes and coming to terms with it is very hard after all it is life changing. Don't be too hard on yourself. You also have a newborn baby and they take up a lot of time mentally and physically.

Have you been taught how to carb count? Probably a silly question but I was just wondering. I do think you are doing as well as you can at the minute and maybe when things have calmed down a bit you can give your diabetes a bit more time. I see that you also have two other children to look after so you really do have a lot going on. I hope you're feeling better about things soon xx
 
:Dthe advice you are getting on hear is good. Just relax and enjoy your baby. Everything will work out for you. Istarted with diabetes when I had my baby 36 years ago. Hes 35 now and I have 3 grandsons and Iam still hear so look to the futurer and have fun with you baby:D
 
Hi Fairy,

Firstly a big hug to you! The first few months are so hard anyway... and then sleep deprivation & diabetes are not a fun mix! Even without all the hormones swinging all over, lack of sleep can make BG control harder on it's own, so don't feel bad about the odd 14 - I know they don't feel good, but it's not necessarily that you're doing anything drastically wrong, if that's any comfort! 🙂

Honestly, I would just try & take it easy - if the funds stretch, stuff cooking (hope that doesn't offend anyone!) & get some nice ready meals from M&S or sainsburys etc - at least you'll be able to accurately carb count so diabetes-wise that will be one less variable, and the last thing you need to be doing on top of all the new baby stuff is cooking / housework! 🙂

Also please don't feel bad about feeling bad - my experience was people sometimes put a heck of a lot of pressure on me to be a 'happy smiley mummy' when frankly I felt like death warmed up & just needed a shoulder to have a darn good cry on... you can always let off steam here, we're here for you, but please let your hubby etc know how you feel - at least then they might be a bit more understanding & try to help 'take up the slack' as it were?... I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be hard on yourself, being a new mum with diabetes is not easy, but it does get better, honestly!

Thinking of you,

Twitchy xxx
 
Aww bless you Fairy, not surprised you are struggling but in the big scheme of things those levels aren't really dreadful and with a bit of help you should be able to make a few adjustments and feel better all round. There are days I have enough trouble coping with myself let alone a baby so don't be too hard on yourself - and keep talking to us. Sending love and hugs.x
 
You're all so lovely 🙂 thank you x

Have just dragged myself out and stocked up on ready meals, I am already so lazy. OH very good at taking over after work and making me go for a nap and he isn't the sort to expect a meal on the table (or I wouldn't have his children heh). I spend most of the day snuggling with Princess Grumpy Mouse and counting my blessings. Also have discovered lots of daytime TV I wasn't aware of, loving Doctors!

I guess the 14 isn't so bad, it's just higher than I have had in ages. If I did carb counting I'd feel better about all this, but they won't 'start me on that' until I've been diagnosed for a year. I just have to have a fixed amount, and adjust if it's too much or little, but then I don't eat the same meals every day so how can I ever really know how much to take? All the DSNs say is to take less if I don't eat as much. That's why I'm so scared of hypos, I'm just guessing how much insulin I need.

Anyway feed time comes around soon! Thanks again everyone, x
 
I really don't understand why you should wait a year to start carb-counting. What is the point? I started carb counting less than three months after being diagnosed. There is an argument about honeymoon periods, I think, but I still don't see why you aren't allowed to try and given the necessary education now.
 
It does sound like a fob off to reduce the number of people wanting a course.

It's one thing I hope DUK can listen to and put right. It's even something that could be done by volunteer diabetics who've been at it for a few years, with standardised scripts to follow.

Spoil yourself as much as you can and let the world roll on by. Some of us have been a bit 'relaxed' about BGs for years and got away with it so a few days here and there won't hurt !

Rob
 
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