I don't know how to help

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SilentAssassin1642

SilentAssassin1642

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
So I have this friend (lol i have a lot of these)

She is T1, so is her mother, and I'm worried about her - she told me the other day that she only does 4 tests a day at most, refused to carb count and guesses her insulin amount. And she almost died of DKA a few years ago. I just don't get it. She keeps harping on at me about how 8-10 tests a day is "too much" and I'm "obsessed" and how I should be like her...

but how can she KNOW what foods affect her? How can she be so blase about it all? How can she guesstimate her carbs all the time.

When I told her about dose splitting for things like pizza she called me an idiot and said it wasn't needed.

I don't get it, and I don't know what I can do to help her. She refuses to listen, and is refusing to join in with any sort of diabetes community - the mention of here was laughed at, as was my setting up a support group.

I just don't understand :(
 
There's nothing you can do except continue to be there for her. One day, maybe, she'll be ready to listen but she has to take the first step. She's lucky to have such a good friend.
 
I guess that for your friend 4 tests a day and guessing her insulin is her way of coping. The same with joining a diabetes community - that would feel to her that she is not coping and she wants to believe that she is.

If she is eating more of less the same food at the same time she might be able to get away with it.

Most of the DSNs I have come across would consider 4 tests a day sufficient if your condition is stable that is unless you are doing something or eating something new to you, you are ill or things have started to go awry.

There is not a lot you can do other than be there if she needs you.
 
I must admit that, on days where I'm not running etc. I maybe test 4 or 5 times a day. My average number of tests over the past year works out at 6 a day - not that I think people who test more are being obsessive in any way 🙂

I guess that maybe, with her family history, they feel they know what they are doing and perhaps aren't as clued up on the latest thinking on watching for spikes etc. - thinking that pre-meal/fasting levels are the important ones. As margie says, maybe diet doesn't fluctuate enough for it to be perceived as troublesome, and guessing appears adequate.

When I was diagnosed, a friend who I had worked alongside and closely with for years I discovered had been diagnosed Type 1 14 years ago - he never discussed it really, except when I was full of questions in the early days since my diagnosis. Most of the time he doesn't even think of it - so I guess we are all different in attitude as well as physically!

Me - I need to know what's happening! 🙂
 
I wish C would test a bit more. She only does THREE a day, unless hypo etc.

Last time we went to clinic I mentioned to the doc, that she won't do the lunch test, hoping he'd tell her off. But no, he was quite blase over it.
I know testing isn't nice, I have tested mine a few times. Last time my finger was sore for 3 days afterwards. So I don't know how you all cope doing tests all the time!!! And injecting too.😱
 
Do you know what her hba1c is, maybe this works for her.
I am frequently being told I am obsessive for testing 8-10 times a day, by my consultant, DSN and a psychiatrist specialising in diabetes, and that is whilst pregnant. I have persuaded them that trying to get me to cut back is just not going to happen whilst I am pregnant, but they are determined that I will cut back before I eventurally get my pump.
 
the problem is that she is heading towards where i was all that time ago, and is in complete denial. I can just see it. I was there myself, and she's heading that way.

I don't know what her HbA1C is, but from the way she talks its quite high.

And I'm sorry, but the reason I test so much is because i like to know what's going on. The very minimum I test a day is 6 times - thats before and after meals. But what about hypos. Apparenlty she can "read her body" and doesn't need to test if she's feeling "funny". But when I asked her if she could distinguish between a hypo and a hyper, she couldn't.

It boggles the mind. If she had a good HbA1C and did this then fair enough, but when someone eats whatever she likes, doesn't carb count it and very often doesn't bother injecting for it, it worries me.

She mentioned in passing to me too that mum only tests twice a day...and is T1...

I just don't understand 😱
 
If your friend hasnt asked for help then she would most likely ignore all of your advice. Think back to when you were in your 'rebellious' phase - would you have listened to anyone? I realise your trying to help her - but if she is in denial or even happy with the way she chooses to deal with her diabetes then there is no point in getting involved. When she feels ready (if she ever does) to explore forums or ask for advice then we will all be here and I am sure she will ask you when she needs help or advice.🙂Bev
 
It is greatt o know someone has a good friend who cares, but if she is not going to listen, all you can do is be there for when she needs you. be patient with her.
 
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