i don’t really know where to begin. I don’t feel like I’ve truly been myself for the last 6/7 years since I was diagnosed. End of last year it all came to a head when I ended up in hospital with DKA and rediagnosed as type 1. After this I started taking my insulin seriously and got my results down to 60’s. I also put on a couple of stone. I then found out I have pcos. I’ve recently got married and we are wanting to try for a baby. The doctor asked me if id ever thought about losing some weight and after that something switched and the insulin stopped again. No insulin means I’ve had ketone level of 7.2 and yes I do know how dangerous this is. I then get it back under control but can’t bring myself to take the insulin regularly because I just feel so overweight and see insulin as this massive weight gain medicine (I know it’s not and it’s what I eat) In addition to this I’ve been signed off work for weeks because I just don’t want to do anything. I struggle to just get out of bed and dressed. I got given antidepressants but haven’t been taking them properly so I suppose it’s my own fault I’m not helping myself. I went back to work for a week and have been off the last 3 days because I just can’t face it. I’m having panic attacks thinking about work. I know my blood sugars are high I can’t even bring myself to test them. I’m just in such a mess and I don’t know how to get out of this spiral. I’ve even found myself thinking I’d rather go to hospital than have to face work. I know I’m messing with my health really badly my eyesight is blurry my feet swell every time I take my insulin and I’ve got terrible thrush. Please I really can’t take a lecture it’s half the reason I haven’t been to my doctors I know what I’m doing is wrong I just can’t stand being told off.