horrible morning

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bev

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Hi all,
I just wanted to share this with you all. Alex and i had a horrible morning - it was about something silly and unimportant really - He had wrapped his jelly babies in foil and i told him off because he needed them in a clear plastic bag - as he is doing the dreaded SATS this week and they wont allow any packaging into an exam so everything has to be in clear bags etc..Anyway he got really angry and upset and said ' i would be better off dead - i hate all this fuss and i hate diabetes'!
I was so upset i couldnt even speak to him. We walked up the road in silence and before i crossed him over i just kissed and hugged him and said dont worry about the SATS you'll be fine. But he looked really sad and fed up walking to school.
So i feel like a rubbish mother and i HATE diabetes and i HATE SATS tests! They are such a waste of time -the results are not even used for anything other than to show the school is doing its job properly! Its so much stress for an 11 year old to have to worry about! Sorry for moaning as i know you all have to deal with diabetes every day and who am i to be fed up with it! I take my hat off to all of you lovely people who have lived with diabetes day in day out for years and you dont complain! Bev
 
bev, you are both marvellous people...things will get better for you both, im sure 🙂

chin up and hugs phil x
 
Whoa! Hold on Bev, you are NOT a rubbish mother, so don't even think it! It's such a difficult situation that you are both in and it looks like the stresses just boiled over a bit. I do hope that Alex is feeling better by now. I agree about the tests. I never had to do stuff like that at his age - we were assessed 'continuously' by our teachers, who were trusted to give a fair assessment of our progression and capabilities. And to have tests when you are still relatively new to a life-changing condition and 11 years old is an awful lot for Alex (and you!) to deal with.

Please don't be too hard on yourself, and give Alex a hug from me when he gets home.🙂
 
Having read all your posts (or most of them) you seem to be the most caring mum I have ever met (well not technically), you are doing the best you can and I think if I had a mother like you to help me through i'd be very very lucky, he is only a little boy like mine, my 12 yr old has asthma, aczema, colitis, adhd, ocd, learning disabilities and is allergic to milk, wheat, soya, egg, nuts, grass, pollen, dust etc etc and he often says he hates his life and yes I used to end up in tears and my heart used to feel like it was breaking, it is hard and as I said you sound like a wonderful mother and he will come out of the other side and will love that you were there for him unlike my parents so please please have a little faith, you are wonderful xx
 
hi bev,

your not a bad mother at all. i know a lot of parents who wouldnt even be bothered to look for a forum regarding any condition that their kids had, let alone join one and look for advice. you are a brilliant person and im sure alex was just worried about his sats. my niece is sitting hers this week and she is in a state all the time. when i saw her yesterday she told me she is dreading them as she doesnt want to fail them (she is always in the top 3 of her class). i agree with the general concensus that this is far to much for the youngsters to take and especial alex as he is still getiing used to having a life changing condition!!!!

please keep your chin up and let alex know we are all thinking of him 🙂

mike
 
Bev don't feel bad. Both you and Alex are going through a tough time. It is natural to be worried about the SATS so feelings will run high, and the diabetes is something that makes Alex feel different from other kids.

Even kids with nothing else to worry about get up tight with SATS or any other exam, so feelings will run high. Alex is also growing up and finding his own space and personality. Kids still need boundries, but will also push them to see how mum or dad or both will react.

I think both you and Alex need a treat, is there something you can do together that you both realy like doing?

Things will feel better real soon, especially as you show Alex how much you love him It feels hard now, but you are both better people for it.
 
angel30eyes said:
Having read all your posts (or most of them) you seem to be the most caring mum I have ever met (well not technically), you are doing the best you can and I think if I had a mother like you to help me through i'd be very very lucky, he is only a little boy like mine, my 12 yr old has asthma, aczema, colitis, adhd, ocd, learning disabilities and is allergic to milk, wheat, soya, egg, nuts, grass, pollen, dust etc etc and he often says he hates his life and yes I used to end up in tears and my heart used to feel like it was breaking, it is hard and as I said you sound like a wonderful mother and he will come out of the other side and will love that you were there for him unlike my parents so please please have a little faith, you are wonderful xx
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Oh my goodness you have a lot on your plate! I now feel absolutely pathetic moaning about things - when you are diabetic yourself and also caring for a child with health problems too! And with the other problems you have had of late - well - i take my hat off to you angeleyes! Whilst i do find caring for a child with diabetes a struggle sometimes - i know i shouldnt moan now as you have a lot more to worry about than me! Thankyou for your kind words all of you but i now feel very silly for even complaining when i look at how angeleyes is coping with all the health issues in her family. So - WELL DONE - to angeleyes - and i return the compliment that you are a brilliant mum - even though as you say you didnt have 'great parents' and yet you still have found a way to 'parent' your little boy and show him the love that he needs. Keep up the good work and make sure you make time for yourself too - you deserve it! 🙂Bev x x x
 
bev your just as entitled as anyone of us to have a moan. you live with alex's diabetes ona daily basis to and it must get to you also. i understand most of what alex will feel but as for what you feel i wouldnt know. my partner is a very understanding and caring person and just takes my rants on the chin as she knows i usually dont mean them.

keep a smile on your face 🙂

mike
 
It is hard enough to look after children without diabetes sometimes, especially when they are tierd and you've had a long day too.

Bev you are doing a wonderful job with Alex, and you need support as much as Alex. Too often parents and carers get forgotten, so come and have a rant here. We all make the right noises and give support, and if it makes it easier for you to look after Alex you are in the right place.
 
Others have got here first and I just simply wanted to let you know that, like them, I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mum. I'm sure all mums get days when they wonder what on earth they could do differently and you have had so much to deal with recently
 
Bev, you have just hit so many nails on the head with your rant, and I'm reading this taking comfort in what others are saying about you! Trying to see if it works for me....

Most of the time things are beginning to tick along. But I've suddenly realised that in the last few weeks I've been absolutely castigating myself for everything I feel I've done wrong that isn't making my family's life somehow easier. It really has been my over-riding feeling: that even the smallest mistakes I make are just so stupid stupid stupid and how could I have done that when everyone has so much to deal with...Hm. This thread has made me stop and think. And for one so introspective and neurotic anyway, that's saying something.

I want to fix it. I want everything to be as right as it can be. I was furious this morning that E had left his water bottle upstairs and was happy to go to school without it. I felt it imperative that he had it, and was boiling mad (briefly)that he didn't seem to feel the same. What the heck is that about?! (Okay, okay, I can also see that it's about wanting control over something I can actually control, when there is so much I can't, etc...)

One more thing: I guess I'd also say that if you all are able to lash out occasionally, and even feel 'safe' enough to hate diabetes together -- then in some way things must be feeling more ordinary, if you know what I mean.

Best of luck to Alex. In secondary school these things don't count for two hoots, if that's any consolation.
 
MY gosh Bev, your post almost made me cry! (I am silly like that).

We all have days of feeling like this. If you were a bad mother you wouldn't be on here everyday getting advice about Alex' diabetes! I hope tomorrow goes much better and you both cheer up 🙂
 
Patricia said:
Bev, you have just hit so many nails on the head with your rant, and I'm reading this taking comfort in what others are saying about you! Trying to see if it works for me....

Most of the time things are beginning to tick along. But I've suddenly realised that in the last few weeks I've been absolutely castigating myself for everything I feel I've done wrong that isn't making my family's life somehow easier. It really has been my over-riding feeling: that even the smallest mistakes I make are just so stupid stupid stupid and how could I have done that when everyone has so much to deal with...Hm. This thread has made me stop and think. And for one so introspective and neurotic anyway, that's saying something.

I want to fix it. I want everything to be as right as it can be. I was furious this morning that E had left his water bottle upstairs and was happy to go to school without it. I felt it imperative that he had it, and was boiling mad (briefly)that he didn't seem to feel the same. What the heck is that about?! (Okay, okay, I can also see that it's about wanting control over something I can actually control, when there is so much I can't, etc...)

One more thing: I guess I'd also say that if you all are able to lash out occasionally, and even feel 'safe' enough to hate diabetes together -- then in some way things must be feeling more ordinary, if you know what I mean.

Best of luck to Alex. In secondary school these things don't count for two hoots, if that's any consolation.
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Wow thanks Patricia! The part about feeling ordinary really hit home! I think you must be right - its the first time we have both really hated diabetes enough to say it out loud! I always try to play it down with Alex - even though it may not seem that way the amount of times i post on here - but he doesnt know i do all these posts!
The most annoying thing about today was that when he came home he told me he had forgotten to put the hypo pack on his desk after all! - probably due to nerves about the exam - but the teacher didnt remind him either!
He did say he was sorry for shouting this morning (unprompted) and i told him i was sorry too - and he gave me a hug and told me how much he loved me! I do hate what diabetes does to his mood and mine! But at least we got over it and he feels happier now. Thanks to you all for your thoughtful words and advice - it really does make a big difference! 🙂 Bev
 
Thanks for the update Bev - and we all have to let off steam kids included! I hope Alex did OK in his tests - and tell him be thankful he has jelly babies and not glucose tablets! LOL xxx
And anyway - tell him diabetes makes him special - that's what I have always believed - don't ruin it after 35 years...!!!
 
Yes, Bev, you are more than allowed the odd rant! Being on the other side of SATs (I teach a year 6 class!!) I can say that they're not the easiest thing for the little lovelies to deal without diabetes, let alone not having been diagnosed long. I really feel for Alex (and the rest of the poor year 6 kids out there, I will keep my personal feelings about SATs out of this!). Wish him lots of luck from us all. It's so natural to have those "I hate diabetes and I hate my life" times: as you know I still have them and I was also diagnosed in year 6 (so a long itme ago!). But they will come and go. And I bet no one else is allowed to take jelly babies into their exams... 🙂 I hope he has come home in a more positive mood.
 
hey bev as everyone has said if we all didnt let off steam or have a rant we would go bonkers(im already there like ) LOL
how are things now? x
 
Munjeeta, thanks for your reply. You must have your hands full with SATS too! :D

Steph, Alex is ok now - we apologised and hugged each other! I think he was nervous about the exams and i made it worse worrying about the blinking jelly babies! Mums eh! :D

Admin, your right kids need to let off steam too! I dont blame him at all - but as a mum it breaks your heart when you cant make everything better for them! You will understand this feeling when you hold you new born in your arms - it makes you feel incredibily protective - and brings out a side to your personality you didnt know was there! And of course your special!:D Bev
 
Hi Bev

I've come to the thread a little late, can't add anything to what has already been said. Glad to see that things are ok now.

A
 
Bev, I've only just caught up with your posting today and I just want to add my two-pennorth. I can't help but admire the way you (and Alex of course) have been dealing with your venture into Diabetes. It has been such a shock to you both (and to the rest of your family) and it's no wonder with the stress of SATS that Alex went off on one about things. I am so glad to see from your later posting that you are now back to being friends. Just remember you are being SO brave and taking so much on yourself - love is all we mums can offer our children and you have given it in bucketfuls. Hug yourself, and Alex, from us all on here. We think you are great ! Let off steam to us all at any time.
 
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