Home stress and Diabetes - Psychology

Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Cody123

New Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Hi there this is my first post made, and apologies because it's a looooong one


I'm posting under a pseudonym purely because it's a sensitive topic and i'd rather not be identified, but I do visit the forums regularly for information and tips and have found them very useful; just never posted before.

Basically.. I was diagnosed with T1 during my early teens which came as a massive shock as I knew nothing about it: not hereditary, congential, or in my family at all. I also knew no one with it. I felt alienated at school and in sport when I could no longer live and perform the way I used to, but at the time I took it all in my stride, never thought much of it once I eased in. I then went through all the typical teenage stuff like drinking, staying out etc. which again didn't cause any major problems in terms or management and controlled - i'm surprised lol.

Anyway, this sounds crazy, but only up until a year or two ago have I actually felt like i've had diabetes (bearing in mind i'm 19) as I started having horrific episodes of hypoglycaemia like everything from fainting, aggression, stroke like symptoms, convulsions - everything. I've been hospitalised a few times and gotten better but it really opened my eyes.

I started university last year and if anything, i've tried to tightened my control (ironically enough) by testing way more frequently than I'm used to but here is where my problem lies, I think that I may be subconsciously having mental problems around my illness. I won't go into it but my family have had their problems - drink, drugs, od's you name it but as I've gotten older and realised that they're never going to change and most importantly don't want to change like what's the point? Really?? I get so upset whenever i've had a drink as it's usually the only time i'll admit how they're affecting me. I live at home and commute to uni but it's like in 3 days never mind 3 years when I finish my degree will you even be here? My family is 3 members strong all of which have severe addictions as previously stated and distant family are as it says - distant. They're excessively proud of me but I carry so much responsibility I feel like i'm going to crumble; paying all the bills, working, picking up after them and tbh it is effecting me physiologically and psychologically. My diabetes is suffering and I think the reason why it's so bad and why I overinject and don't care is because i'm done with all the burden. I love them so much but all I want is a normal life.

I'm not suicidal. I know suicide and i've dealt with it. I'm just a very strong person, and not really sure as to why every time I have a glass of wine too many I cry and cry and cry about my problems then consequently hypo. It's just difficult personally to comprehend that ME, I could maybe have a mental illness??? I don't know...

I just wanted to get that out there tbh and would appreciate any feedback??

but yes I have tried to talk to them (I have for years), no i'm not attention seeking (just confused) and lastly I have absolutely no prejudice towards mental health issues (i'm just a girl who's lost her fight).
 
Hello Cody 123.
Can't help you much,except to acknowledge your message, but hello and welcome to forum.
 
Hi Cody
Welcome to the forum. Alcoholism and addiction frequently mask mental health problems because people use them to self medicate, it's a perfectly understandable thing when you consider how hard it must be to live with some of those issues, so perhaps your family members are masking their problems behind addiction? the first thing to understand, and this is hard when you're a young adult is you are not responsible for them, you might pay the bills and pick up after them and look after them, but you cannot make them get help, and you can't take on the emotional burden of their struggles with life. That doesn't make any of it any easier I know, because when you love people and you watch them destroy themselves it's a special kind of heartbreak that even the strongest of us struggle with. I'm saying this because I think your current feelings and emotions are entirely normal, and the reason they pop out when drinking is because alcohol lowers our inhibitions and all those thoughts and feeling we've been hiding just come on out to be dealt with. We learn coping strategies from our parents and families and it sounds like you may not have had the greatest example of that whilst growing up? If our parents teach us as kids to sit down and talk through our fears and frustrations that the model we tend to take forward in life, if we see them swallowing their feelings inside a glass of plonk then we subconsciously absorb that too. It doesn't mean that that's how you have to carry on though. Do you have friends you can talk to? I expect you think their family situations are all much more normal, and that they might be, but you'd be surprised what issues lurk behind the standard family. The brain is a strange thing, you want to talk and that's why you do after a couple of glasses of wine, so you might find it helps if you can open up to someone. If there's nobody in your life who you trust with your family situation then there are organisations who can help (for the relatives of people with addiction problems), or of course you can "talk" to us. There should also be psychological services who can help at your diabetes clinic.

Perhaps have a mull on something else too. Sometimes we hurt ourselves because we're experiencing pain we can't cope with, either because we don't know how to or because it's just so big we're overwhelmed by it. This can come out in lots of ways, punishing ourselves with food, alcohol, drugs, not controlling our diabetes, but all of it ultimately stems back to something we just need to get out of our heads so we can process it. Sounds dead easy when I write it down, but in reality sometimes we just need someone to help us understand it and pull out the thing that needs to be dealt with. Please find someone to talk to, you don't have to deal with any of this on your own. There's no shame in getting some help, in fact it's the exact opposite. I have a number of close relatives with alcoholism and the emotions that brings are very powerful, and in one case I blamed myself to some degree, because surely if they loved me enough they'd stop hurting themselves. I understand now it had nothing to do with how much he loved me, and everything to do with the fact that he didn't love himself, but that took some getting to I can tell you. It also took me a long time to realise that the only person who could help him was him, I could rake myself over the coals as much as I wanted for failing him, for not being able to fix him and none of it made a jot of difference because it wasn't my battle to fight.

I reallly hope you find someone to talk to who can help you unpick all of this. In the meantime try to just stick to the basics with the insulin to keep yourself safe. You've come here, you know there's a problem and you've been brave enough to say it (so many people never are), so you're clearly on the right path 🙂
 
Welcome to the forum Cody. Lots of good advice from KookyCat. One other source of support for you could be university welfare services - many universities have good services available to support people with mental health issues, so it would be worth asking.
Please let us know in the coming days, weeks, months how you get on.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top