• Please Remember: Members are only permitted to share their own experiences. Members are not qualified to give medical advice. Additionally, everyone manages their health differently. Please be respectful of other people's opinions about their own diabetes management.
  • We seem to be having technical difficulties with new user accounts. If you are trying to register please check your Spam or Junk folder for your confirmation email. If you still haven't received a confirmation email, please reach out to our support inbox: support.forum@diabetes.org.uk

Help

Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
K

karenratcliffe

Active Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
This is going to sound strange, but i really do need your help. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months, i have known him for over 10 years now, he didnt know i was diabetic, but now he does, the thing is, he doesnt know that i take insulin. I really want to tell him but from past experience in telling ex boyfriends they seem to run away.
How do i tell him without scaring him?
 
karenratcliffe said:
This is going to sound strange, but i really do need your help. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months, i have known him for over 10 years now, he didnt know i was diabetic, but now he does, the thing is, he doesnt know that i take insulin. I really want to tell him but from past experience in telling ex boyfriends they seem to run away.
How do i tell him without scaring him?
Click to expand...

Karen its not strange at all I bet theres lots of people in your prediciment who wont have this site for help either, the ex boyfriends you mention that have ran well that says more about them as a person then yourself.I would say that if he loves you whatever you tell him he should be able to cope with it, you could be plesently surprised and find he is totally ok with it and in your head you could be bigging it up for no reason..however it pans out I hope it goes well.
 
karenratcliffe said:
Thanks Steff. How do you suggest i tell him though? I am so scared
Click to expand...

Well I would say for starters face to face of course although some may say diffirent in my mind it is the hardest way to tell someone but the best,he wil think more of you if you do it face to face rather then text for example, you say you have known him 10 years so thats a long time, how long have you been diabetic?....the good old fashioned way of sitting him down just the 2 of you and saying I have something to tell you "its been very hard for me to pluck up the courage but I feel i need to tell you everything about me for this relationship to blossom" etc etc
 
I have been diabetic for 18 years now. We used to work together only for a bit but we were always friends. Im just worried 1) that he may run 2) he wont run but then ask why i didnt tell him before.
 
karenratcliffe said:
I have been diabetic for 18 years now. We used to work together only for a bit but we were always friends. Im just worried 1) that he may run 2) he wont run but then ask why i didnt tell him before.
Click to expand...

Yes I can see that, i only asked how long cause at no point he has ever actually caught you injecting or anything?

It is a risk a big one yes he may well run and if he does you know he was not the right one for you, if it were me and i was your bf and you told me I would be honoured you trusted me with such personal info about yourself but thats just me surmising,its obviously playing on your mind so not telling him would more then likely make you more miserable.If you dont take the plunge you never will know hun xxx
If he does ask why you didnt tell him then say look i wanted to see if things would last between us before i started telling you such personal things about myself, hay it took my partner 3 years to tell me he had a son from another relationship and i stuck about...its always a difficult one going from freinds to lovers but I do wish you the best and hope he takes it well, whatever you do please let us know how it goes
 
I'm lucky(?) that I was with my OH before diagnosis and he's been wonderful. If I had to tell a new partner though, I think I'd just do it all at one go then ask if he had anything he wanted to ask me.
 
He has always been open with me, hes got a 4yr old daughter and i love her like she is my own, we get on so well, and his ex is really good with me etc. He also has a condition called white finger so is in and out of hospital alot with that. I no i need to get a grip and just tell him, just every time i have tried i bottle it.
 
karenratcliffe said:
He has always been open with me, hes got a 4yr old daughter and i love her like she is my own, we get on so well, and his ex is really good with me etc. He also has a condition called white finger so is in and out of hospital alot with that. I no i need to get a grip and just tell him, just every time i have tried i bottle it.
Click to expand...

Well there you go then you have stayed around when others would of ran when you found out he has a child from a previous r/ship so the least he can do is show you the same curtiousy back x
 
Good luck Karen.

If you want a way of approaching it, how about sitting down and saying you'd like to tell him more about your diabetes, as it's a part of you and you'd like him to be able to understand it.

You don't have to make a big deal about the insulin part (though I would imagine that he'd pick up on that as I'd guess he'd be mostly shocked not that you haven't told him, but that he hasn't noticed!!).

Just be open and honest.

As Steff said, if he runs a mile, he's not worth it anyway (and you can name and shame on here and there'll be hell to pay lol....but I bet he won't).

Let us know how you get on.
 
Thanks everyone, you all make it seem so easy. Well it wont be tonight as he has to work on so will probably be tomorrow. x
 
I'm a bit nonplussed as to why he wouldn't guess a relatively youthful diabetic is on insulin. Does he never open your fridge?

I mean years ago we were told to keep insulin in the fridge all the while (days of having one jab at night as opposed to pens multiple times) so anywhere I went I'd have to say can you find me a corner of your fridge for my insulin please? and then I'd most likely get a question or two like when do you have to have it? or whatever. And I'd say towards bedtime well I'll just go and have my jab. And probably say you're perfectly welcome to watch if you want to.
 
trophywench said:
I'm a bit nonplussed as to why he wouldn't guess a relatively youthful diabetic is on insulin. Does he never open your fridge?

I mean years ago we were told to keep insulin in the fridge all the while (days of having one jab at night as opposed to pens multiple times) so anywhere I went I'd have to say can you find me a corner of your fridge for my insulin please? and then I'd most likely get a question or two like when do you have to have it? or whatever. And I'd say towards bedtime well I'll just go and have my jab. And probably say you're perfectly welcome to watch if you want to.
Click to expand...

Just to pick up on Trophys first sentence, has he never witnessed you having a hypo etc etc or do you not live together.I was going to say earlier that you did tell him your type 1 didnt you? or just that your diabetic.
 
Just to put a different slant on it, if you don't tell him and you become a long term feature, it would be very difficult, not to say dangerous, not to tell him all about what you need to do.

As Steff said, he would need to know about hypos at least, not to mention the carbs aspect and what to do when you're ill.

You can explain that you've had negative responses in the past and you didn't want to scare him off. If he laughs, you're on a winner and if he shrieks in horror, then it would be an awkward relationship to maintain in the future.

I would suggest a meal and sit him down, then produce your pen and explain from there. The only way is up!

Rob
 
Keep it simple. My OH was my friend first (although I knew that we would get together) I wasn't sure how to tell him so one day I just said "I'm going to do my injection now" leaving him to ask any questions he might have. That was ten years ago.
 
You could just leave your kit/pens lying around and when he asks what they are say all innocently that you thought he knew you used all that as part of your diabetes care! Then of course get it all out and show him and explain as much as he wants to know. He will probably be full of admiration for you coping with it all so privately and alone.
 
No we dont live together, i always go over his house, he is coming down mine in the next couple of weeks for my mums bday, he doesnt drive so its easier for me to just go over his. Im changing from 2 injections to 4 injections in the next couple of weeks, i was thinking about saying something to him about that.
 
Hi Karen,

Was just curious to know if you managed to tell your OH or not if so how did it go ? x
 
Hi everyone, yes i did tell him, and it was just me being me worrying about it. He was great, i explained my past etc, and he said he totally understands why i didnt say anything to him. But he told me i had nothing to worry about telling him. Thanks all for your advice. x
 
karenratcliffe said:
Hi everyone, yes i did tell him, and it was just me being me worrying about it. He was great, i explained my past etc, and he said he totally understands why i didnt say anything to him. But he told me i had nothing to worry about telling him. Thanks all for your advice. x
Click to expand...

Karen thats great been thinking of you since you last posted, so pleased they was a positive outcome x
 
Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
Back
Top