Help and advice

[Coscetta7]

Hello everyone, I am feeling a bit lost and am hoping somebody can help me. My partner has T2 diabetes, he was diagnosed a few years ago. Unfortunately he does not take his health seriously and I can see him getting worse. He has a doctor, who put him on medication but, to my surprise, did not give him any advice on nutrition or general lifestyle. The doctor is also very hard to get hold of, so you are left very much to manage diabetes by yourself - which my partner is not doing very well. I am trying everything I can but he does not want to listen, almost as of he wanted to pretend he is ok when I know very well he isn't.
He recently was recommended to use a continuous glucose monitor, which is great, yet again he is left to try and make sense of it by himself (e.g. glucose spikes even though he has been fasting for a few hours) as getting an appointment with the doctor is close to impossible. I am not here to criticise doctors at all, but I know my partner needs somebody who can follow him a bit more closely, also with clear advice on what to eat or not to eat and the need to exercise. I know a lot of this stuff is on line, but I believe he will take things seriously only if he finds a caring doctor/professional who seriously scares him. So I wanted to know if you could recommend somebody he could see. We are in London, but happy to also travel outside of London. I am seriously worried so really appreciate your help. Thanks!

 

[Lucyr]

Has he done the free online training modules for using the glucose sensor, if it’s the freestyle libre, to make sure he’s getting the best information from it? Diabetes isn’t an illness that your doctor treats, the main treatment comes from yourself, the dr mainly just provides some of the tools.

 

[Coscetta7]

Hi Lucy, thanks for your reply. I told him about the Libre information and assessment but he is not really listening. You are right that you need to treat it yourself and I have told him many times. But I am not succeeding and the only time he took things seriously when a doctor has scored him. Hence my request for advice, to see if there was anyone I could book an appointment with. Thanks again!

 

[Lucyr]

Hi Lucy, thanks for your reply. I told him about the Libre information and assessment but he is not really listening. You are right that you need to treat it yourself and I have told him many times. But I am not succeeding and the only time he took things seriously when a doctor has scored him. Hence my request for advice, to see if there was anyone I could book an appointment with. Thanks again!

As the saying goes… you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. As good as it is that you care about him, I don’t think booking an appointment and asking a doctor to scare him is the solution here. It sounds like when that worked before it was only temporarily.

 

[Leadinglights]

Weclome to the forum It is fantastic that you want to try to help.
I suspect the problem is partly because he feels that the dietary changes he needs to make will mean he can't eat the foods he wants to. Any dietary regime will never work unless it is enjoyable and sustainable.
Although I follow a low carbohydrate regime, I have the foods which I enjoy. Basing meals on meat, fish, eggs, cheese, full fat dairy, nuts, vegetables, salads, fruit like berries with only small portions of high carb foods and drinks like potatoes, rice, pasta, pastry, cakes, biscuits and sugary drinks and beer and cider still give plenty of options for tasty meals. Dry wines and spirits with diet mixers are usually Ok in moderation.
Have a look at this link as it may help you and him see he can still eat well.

Freshwell Low Carb Project - Home

lowcarbfreshwell.co.uk

For some people scare tactics may work but it can make things worse.
My other half was in hospital recently and the other 3 patients in the room he was in were there as they had had amputations because of their diabetes and that really brought it home to me.

 

[rebrascora]

Hi and welcome.

So sorry to hear that you are concerned about your partners lack of self care with his diabetes. I can't advise on a doctor and I don't think that is the answer and I really hope he will come to his senses before something irreversible happens like damage to his sight or erectile dysfunction or neuropathy that causes him pain in his feet.... or worse.

If someone suggested a doctor, getting to see them might be extremely difficult and doctors sometimes respond to people differently, so your partner might not get the response they need ie a kick up the pants by the sound of it on first appointment. I can't imagine he is going to go in and see the doc and say that is what he needs (if I am reading your post correctly)
Is he on any medication for his diabetes. That needs to be talken into consideration with any advice we might give... If he is on insulin or Gliclazide, then he would need to be careful about dietary changes, however I wonder, if you do most of the cooking and shopping, if you could slyly make some changes to his diet without him realizing. Buying lower carb products and making substitutions.... We could give you suggestions for alternatives which might improve his levels without too much complaint. So for instance, if he has toast or cereal for breakfast, could you cook him an omelette with whatever filling he might like.... cheese, onion, mushrooms, peppers, ham/chicken. Make it 2 or 3 eggs so that it is really substantial ..... or scrambled eggs with smoked salmon or bacon, sausage, black pudding, eggs and mushrooms with a tomato. The thing is that it is the carbs in bread and cereals and pasta and rice and potatoes and exotic fruits like bananas which will push his Blood Glucose (BG) levels up as well as the obvious cakes and biscuits and sweets and crisps. If you can slowly change his diet so that he is eating lower carb foods and feeling full after meals so that he is not wanting to snack then this should help him. If he can see that the dietary changes can actually be enjoyable, then perhaps he will engage with it more.

We all know the temptation to stick your head in the sand with regard to diabetes can be all too easy, but for most of us the fear of losing our sight or a limb or similar which would limit our independence and make us reliant on others is a big motivator to look after ourselves. Diabetes itself makes it all too easy to do this because it often has no or very limited symptoms so you can convince yourself that it isn't really there for much of the time..... until it is too late..... and then you are working at damage limitation.

I really hope you can find a way to help your partner make some changes either by stealth or head on confrontation or somewhere in between. Personally I think seeing a different doctor is probably not the answer, unless the doctor moves in with you and is breathing down his neck all the time. Also, doctors are not really best placed to advise on what to eat and what not to eat.... in fact the NHS advice is not really all that helpful for Type 2 diabetics because it still recommends quite high amounts of carbs, it is just that they advise wholemeal/wholegrain when in reality those contain almost the same amount of carbs as white versions. It is also the case that diabetes can be quite individual, so even 2 dietary controlled Type 2 diabetics may need to avoid or can enjoy different foods. The Libre can help you to identify which foods cause you the most problems and therefore encourage you to avoid those but you really need to understand how it works and how your body works in order to get the best from it. Basically he needs to put the work in to get a result from it and if he isn't engaged then he is wasting his money on it.... although I am guessing he may be currently using the free trial.

 

[Coscetta7]

As the saying goes… you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. As good as it is that you care about him, I don’t think booking an appointment and asking a doctor to scare him is the solution here. It sounds like when that worked before it was only temporarily.

Hi Lucy R, I hear you. I am still committed to trying to help him and will try any avenue possible. Thanks anyway for you help, it does make sense

 

[Coscetta7]

Weclome to the forum It is fantastic that you want to try to help.
I suspect the problem is partly because he feels that the dietary changes he needs to make will mean he can't eat the foods he wants to. Any dietary regime will never work unless it is enjoyable and sustainable.
Although I follow a low carbohydrate regime, I have the foods which I enjoy. Basing meals on meat, fish, eggs, cheese, full fat dairy, nuts, vegetables, salads, fruit like berries with only small portions of high carb foods and drinks like potatoes, rice, pasta, pastry, cakes, biscuits and sugary drinks and beer and cider still give plenty of options for tasty meals. Dry wines and spirits with diet mixers are usually Ok in moderation.
Have a look at this link as it may help you and him see he can still eat well.

Freshwell Low Carb Project - Home

lowcarbfreshwell.co.uk

For some people scare tactics may work but it can make things worse.
My other half was in hospital recently and the other 3 patients in the room he was in were there as they had had amputations because of their diabetes and that really brought it home to me.

Hi, thanks for your post. I will try again to get him to understand take care of himself. I have told him about all the points you make...and try and get him to eat well. But there is only so much I can do...he needs to help himself. Thanks again.

 

[Coscetta7]

Hi and welcome.

So sorry to hear that you are concerned about your partners lack of self care with his diabetes. I can't advise on a doctor and I don't think that is the answer and I really hope he will come to his senses before something irreversible happens like damage to his sight or erectile dysfunction or neuropathy that causes him pain in his feet.... or worse.

If someone suggested a doctor, getting to see them might be extremely difficult and doctors sometimes respond to people differently, so your partner might not get the response they need ie a kick up the pants by the sound of it on first appointment. I can't imagine he is going to go in and see the doc and say that is what he needs (if I am reading your post correctly)
Is he on any medication for his diabetes. That needs to be talken into consideration with any advice we might give... If he is on insulin or Gliclazide, then he would need to be careful about dietary changes, however I wonder, if you do most of the cooking and shopping, if you could slyly make some changes to his diet without him realizing. Buying lower carb products and making substitutions.... We could give you suggestions for alternatives which might improve his levels without too much complaint. So for instance, if he has toast or cereal for breakfast, could you cook him an omelette with whatever filling he might like.... cheese, onion, mushrooms, peppers, ham/chicken. Make it 2 or 3 eggs so that it is really substantial ..... or scrambled eggs with smoked salmon or bacon, sausage, black pudding, eggs and mushrooms with a tomato. The thing is that it is the carbs in bread and cereals and pasta and rice and potatoes and exotic fruits like bananas which will push his Blood Glucose (BG) levels up as well as the obvious cakes and biscuits and sweets and crisps. If you can slowly change his diet so that he is eating lower carb foods and feeling full after meals so that he is not wanting to snack then this should help him. If he can see that the dietary changes can actually be enjoyable, then perhaps he will engage with it more.

We all know the temptation to stick your head in the sand with regard to diabetes can be all too easy, but for most of us the fear of losing our sight or a limb or similar which would limit our independence and make us reliant on others is a big motivator to look after ourselves. Diabetes itself makes it all too easy to do this because it often has no or very limited symptoms so you can convince yourself that it isn't really there for much of the time..... until it is too late..... and then you are working at damage limitation.

I really hope you can find a way to help your partner make some changes either by stealth or head on confrontation or somewhere in between. Personally I think seeing a different doctor is probably not the answer, unless the doctor moves in with you and is breathing down his neck all the time. Also, doctors are not really best placed to advise on what to eat and what not to eat.... in fact the NHS advice is not really all that helpful for Type 2 diabetics because it still recommends quite high amounts of carbs, it is just that they advise wholemeal/wholegrain when in reality those contain almost the same amount of carbs as white versions. It is also the case that diabetes can be quite individual, so even 2 dietary controlled Type 2 diabetics may need to avoid or can enjoy different foods. The Libre can help you to identify which foods cause you the most problems and therefore encourage you to avoid those but you really need to understand how it works and how your body works in order to get the best from it. Basically he needs to put the work in to get a result from it and if he isn't engaged then he is wasting his money on it.... although I am guessing he may be currently using the free trial.

Thank you, all makes sense. Unfortunately we both work and share the cooking. I will just keep trying, maybe trying different ways to get it into his head!

 

[Leadinglights]

Perhaps if you give some examples of the foods you and he like and there may be some easy swaps that you could try that we can suggest.

 

[rebrascora]

Do you know what sort of levels he is seeing with his Blood Glucose..... Just wondering how potentially challenging/risky his situation currently is. If you want to post a photo of a typical day's Libre graph we might spot something which could help, especially if we know what medication he takes.
Also, if you would like to post the sort of meals you have, we could make suggestions for tasty alternatives.

Can you instigate an evening walk or have an exercise session in the house after dinner rather than just sitting watching TV or whatever. Join a class somewhere together. If you are not into physical exercise, what about dancing classes.... just something which works muscles a bit and gets you breathing a bit deeper and stimulating blood flow. If his levels are very high (above mid teens), then it is best to stick to gentle exercise than high impact or stressing the body with weight training.

 

[Coscetta7]

Do you know what sort of levels he is seeing with his Blood Glucose..... Just wondering how potentially challenging/risky his situation currently is. If you want to post a photo of a typical day's Libre graph we might spot something which could help, especially if we know what medication he takes.
Also, if you would like to post the sort of meals you have, we could make suggestions for tasty alternatives.

Can you instigate an evening walk or have an exercise session in the house after dinner rather than just sitting watching TV or whatever. Join a class somewhere together. If you are not into physical exercise, what about dancing classes.... just something which works muscles a bit and gets you breathing a bit deeper and stimulating blood flow. If his levels are very high (above mid teens), then it is best to stick to gentle exercise than high impact or stressing the body with weight training.

Hello, I think he is between 9 and 13, but sometimes it goes higher. I am trying to get him to walk. I am very much into exercise but unfortunately he isn't. I have read a lot about diabetes so I may have to try even harder to get him to eat better. Thanks so much for your reply.

 

[Leadinglights]

Hello, I think he is between 9 and 13, but sometimes it goes higher. I am trying to get him to walk. I am very much into exercise but unfortunately he isn't. I have read a lot about diabetes so I may have to try even harder to get him to eat better. Thanks so much for your reply.

I think you have to understand what eating better means for someone who is Type 2 diabetic as the conventional ideas of healthy eating may not be so and things which people who are not diabetic might be avoiding are fine for a Type 2 diabetic diet.
Steak and salad or veg, chilli, curry, bacon and eggs, omelettes, cheese, strawberries and cream.
If you are into baking there are recipes for cakes and biscuits on sugarfreelondoner website. Somebody posts some fantastic cakes he makes which are all low carb.
There is no need for him to feel deprived of the foods he likes, it may need a bit of planning and adjustment.