Having meltdown!

[pippaandben]

Following my spinal surgery last year and subsequent left foot drop problems (now sporting orthotic which looks like overgrown shoehorn) I knew I had slipped a bit - well a lot actually. Still testing and injecting before main meals and doing correction doses, adjusting basal but sort of ignoring the odd biscuit - or 2 or 3 and that odd fruit scone when out.

Have now had a real wake-up call and feeling weepy and bad about myself. Firstly now had that background retinopathy letter - and yes I know it will probably be ok next year but after 2 cataract ops in last 5 months where everyone said ok was a shock.

Then had my annual check this week. HbA1c was 77 - I certainly didn't think I had been that bad. In December it was 44.
Foot check was awful - couldn't feel anything anywhere on either foot not even tuning fork. Am being referred to foot clinic but probably 6 month waiting list.
Got told off for not renewing needles more frequently and not necessarily washing hands before testing and must be a non-alcohol wipe if out. Blood test results have showed up possible kidney problems and having to be re-done. Urine sample also showing some sort of problem kidney related. Told of heart attack risks. Thyroid and cholesterol levels good. BP she said was good but I think 144/85 is too high despite BP tablets.

Then yesterday up to Kings to see consultant to sign off on my back. Had CT scan 29 Sept and this was the first appt available -after 3 cancellations. Rods and screws are still in place (just as well) and apparently the ground up bone taken from the vertebrae and then packed round joints has now fused and is growing new bone to strengthen it all. But is trying to blame all right foot problems on diabetes when I know from the feeling and osteo agrees that 90% is down to operation as was apparent in recovery and wasn't beforehand. So no chance of nerve repairing itself now as no improvement whatsoever in a year which means having orthotic for always and risk of falling and lack of balance if don't use it.

Sorry about the rant but OH response is basically "Glad I don't have it as I wouldn't cope" when I feel like feet have gone, heart and kidneys on way out and going blind and I really need to pick myself up and take it all really seriously. Testing and checking, correcting and injecting for everything. Have to see my DSN in 3 months but have to be 4 due to holidays and getting blood test re-done. Filling in record book religiously as I did when I first started on this journey. Thank you for reading this as I feel so on my own.

 

[Ljc]

Sending you a big

Don't you just hate t when they blame D for everything, I know I do.
You have had a lot going in, it's only natural to get down about it all, you fell off the wagon and have had a nasty wake up call. even the best of us fall off at times.
I know it's not going to be easy but haul yourself back up there.
Good luck.

 

[grovesy]

Sorry to hear this.
Take care.

 

[Ditto]

You're not on your own, you have all us lot (((hugs)))

 

[Bloden]

I really feel for you, Pippaandben. Sending (((hugs))).

 

[stephknits]

so sorry to hear of your struggles. None of us are perfect and maintaining the daily regime is relentless. This is a small slip up when you had lots of other things on your plate, so put it behind you, don't beat yourself up. Great that you are starting afresh with recording things - I find it refocusses my efforts when I wander off.
We are all rooting for you 🙂

 

[trophywench]

Aww - try and look at it a different way, Pippa, now you've got that off your chest - which is absolutely essential and one of the benefits of having a forum full of random and assorted people who can't - and wouldn't anyway - point their fingers at you and accuse you of whatever - cos we've all either been somewhere round about where you are, or definitely well on the way towards it anyway.

NOBODY including you - can change what's in the past. It absolutely isn't possible to turn the clock back even with a DeLorean. No amount of self blame or anything else, can help. Doesn't help if medics aren't very upbeat about stuff either - hardly motivating for anyone.

So - the only important thing is - moving forwards again, ain't it?

And carb creep affects every single one of us from time to time. So deal with that one first, cos it's only you that can do it.

Then - get some more frequent BP readings and keep a better eye on that - any chance of buying yourself a machine for home testing? - mine was only £15 - a Pro Logic one - just what my pharmacy happened to have. Seems to be £20 now on Amazon. Omron are also really good machines. I say this because it's quite probably that you weren't exactly fully relaxed at the clinic. But anyway if it turns out it's still a bit high - just go to your GP and say you think it's a bit higher than it should be - THEY look after your BP medication, not the hospital diabetes clinic - and only if it's suddenly shot up massively or something like that, where your doc hasn't taken a BP reading recently to notice it, do they write to your GP and say anything.

 

[Grannylorraine]

Sorry you are feeling down, but you have had a lot to deal with.

 

[Flower]

You've had a lot to take care of with your operations pippaandben but please don't despair. It doesn't mean everything is going to pack up and stop working.

The tests we have are to pick up on really early changes in eyes, kidney function etc and even if changes are picked up it doesn't mean the worst is going to happen. I've had ckd - chronic kidney disease-for about 20 years with my egfr results bobbling around in the low 40's. I've got micro albumen in my urine but with the drugs I take and trying to keep my blood pressure in check nothing has deteriorated any further.Background retinopathy is the microscopic changes in the vessels in the retina that a high percentage of us will get after a number of years just through being diabetic and it doesn't mean anything more sinister is going to happen. If the changes need further monitoring then the retinal screening system is quick to refer you on. It is frightening to get diagnosed with various 'opathies' but the main course of action is to do all the boringly relentless stuff we try to do our best to control on a daily basis.

It is a tough call dealing with diabetes, add to it the diagnosis or threat of something else going wrong and it can be overwhelming. Do what you're doing, it sounds like you know where the higher results are coming from and your next set of results will show all the hard graft you've put in to managing it. Make sure you see a podiatrist regularly with the changes in sensation in your feet as that is a good reassurance that things aren't going unnoticed.

Keep doing all the monotonous self management stuff, don't feel overwhelmed and on your own because we really do get it in all its multi coloured varieties. I wish you well and hope you can look forward to the holidays and better times ahead 🙂