Had Enough

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bigpurpleduck

bigpurpleduck

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Tonight was time for a set change. I always find this a bit of a pain, but it never normally bothers me. I filled the reservoir, attached set to reservoir, filled the tubing, got needle ready for insertion with Quick-sert - everything went fine. Then I hit the button to fire the needle & canula in and just about hit the roof. Took out the needle and the pain was just getting worse and worse. I knew something wasn't right, so changed again - fortunately the second one felt much better.

Taking out the canula from the painful change just tipped me over the edge. The pain for a few seconds was unbelievable - I screamed and proceeded to cry my heart out. (Note: the cause of pain was only the very tip of the cannula actually going under my skin - most of it hadn't gone in).

The pain quickly subsided, but I was sobbing for ages.

It wasn't the pain, really - it had just set me off. I'm just entirely fed up and miserable with D right now (not helped by being pretty miserable at work, but that's another story for another time). I'm fed up checking my BG to find it in double figures. I'm fed up getting up at 3am. I'm fed up feeling guilty for not basal testing enough at night, and for not basal testing at all during the day. I'm fed up worrying about hypos at work. I'm fed up worrying and wondering about what my A1c is. I'm fed up knowing that every day I spend in double figures is increasing my chances of complications. I'm fed up knowing that when we do decide to have children, I won't have a "normal" pregnancy and birth. I'm fed up writing down my BG, carbs and insulin dose every time I eat. I'm fed up worrying about everything 24/7.

I just want it to go away. I don't have the energy, the motivation or the strength to keep trying at the moment.
 
Oh love! I know exactly how you feel! Im also on the pump and i love it to bits but it woke me at 3am telling me i had 20 units left and so needed refillng and i just thought why cant i sleep through like my snoring husband next to me! And why cant i eat that massive bowl of pasta like he can. And all my friends are getting pregnant and i know i want to start trying in jan, but must get my sugars down half a percent. HOWEVER, if we let ourselves keep thinking like this it will drive us mad! So, lets think of the positives (comparing needles and treatment to 30/40/50 years ago) and think positively. I know its hard for all of us to keep on top of it and to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" but i think we have to if we're going to live a healthy happy life xxxx

Hope i dont seem patronising or insensitive, i really dont mean to xx
 
you and i could be twins my lovely *massive hugs* it seems a few of us who haven't long been on the pump are in the same boat. I'm currently at 16.8, can't put a finger on why. Probably got dinner insulin totally wrong. It's gonna be another long night.

but i know we can do it.

You know where I am if you need to rant at someone who knows exactly what you're going through

*hug*
 
Thanks so much guys.

Have been crying on and off since the set change at 7pm.

Feel really emotional today, don't think it's just D bothering me although it is a major factor. Due Aunt Flo tomorrow so might be PMT, but it's never made me like this before.

Feeling thoroughly sorry for myself right now :(
 
Hi, I hope you are feeling better. It helps to be able to tell others how we are feeling, and I always find a good cry gets a lot of the stress and tension out of my system.

When we are feeling low, the little things that we normally take in our stride seem ten times worse. Comming here helps as there is usully someone qyuite close who understands the frustrations and tensions.
 
I wish I'd seen this last night - you poor thing! :( Haven't had this with cannulas yet but did with the odd injection, ouch! 😱 Hope you managed to get some good sleep last night & are feeling a lot better this morning!! It's really hard sometimes isn't it?... I love this pump but some aspects of it I'm still getting used to, so like the others I can understand how you feel! (Roll on miracle cure please!).

I guess just try & keep things simple for a bit, take it easy & go back to basics - I bet once the sugar levels calm down a bit you'll be feeling much more resilient again 🙂 Sending a great big hug your way ((((()))))!!

ps - re the baby thing - try not to worry too much, although it might not be all 'nct' & hypnotherapy, at the end of the day the best bit honestly truely is when they are here & smiling & laughing at you - you will have those wonderful moments! Just hang on in there hun - you'll get there! (ps from what I can see a 'natural birth' doesn't look that flippin' natural to me anyway!! 😱)
 
Thanks so much for the support everyone, it really helps knowing that it's not just me that gets like this!

Am a bit better this morning. Still a bit down but not as tearful. Think the self pity has now turned to anger and I could happily rip someone's head off 🙂

Hoping AF arrives soon and relieves some of the tension!
 
Sending you big hugs. Whatever treatment regime we are all on, it gets really crap sometimes and you just get so fed up and tired of it. Sometimes I wish I were "normal" not that I ever was! Just a day off from it all would be so nice. I hope that your levels settle and things go along better for you. In the meantime rant whenever you want and we will rant with you! hugs.xx
 
Hope that you start to feel better sooner. Lots of hugs and fingers crossed that tomorro is a better day
 
Hope you've had a much better day, lots of hugs! 🙂 x
 
Oh Emma, big hugs. Not sure what I can add really, but feel free to moan any time. You always impress me with your knowledge, suggestions and positive attitude, but I know that things can get on top of anyone.

I read Ragnar Hanas' book lately, have you tried it? It suggests that when you get diabetes fatigue you take a week off from recording everything, and so long as you take roughly enough insulin, just have a break. Then come back to it refreshed after a week and tackle hypos first, then tweak everything else one thing at a time. Don't know if that would help at all?

Hope things improve soon,

xxx
 
Pigeon said:
...You always impress me with your knowledge, suggestions and positive attitude, but I know that things can get on top of anyone.
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Aw, thanks so much!

Pigeon said:
I read Ragnar Hanas' book lately, have you tried it? It suggests that when you get diabetes fatigue you take a week off from recording everything, and so long as you take roughly enough insulin, just have a break. Then come back to it refreshed after a week and tackle hypos first, then tweak everything else one thing at a time. Don't know if that would help at all?
Click to expand...

This sounds like a fabulous idea! Not sure when it came down to it I could actually do it, though... Food for thought!

On a slightly different and more worrying note... AF is still not here. I normally get symptoms a few days before and am feeling nothing 😱
 
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Hmm, given the emotional upset and the missing Aunty, is there any possibility you might be pregnant? It's most likely the high numbers as they can affect a woman's cycle, but there's always that chance eh?

I hope you're feeling better today.
 
AlisonM said:
Hmm, given the emotional upset and the missing Aunty, is there any possibility you might be pregnant? It's most likely the high numbers as they can affect a woman's cycle, but there's always that chance eh?
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I really hope not.

I wouldn't normally be concerned so soon as I've been a bit irregular in the past, but the last few months my longest cycle has been 31 days and I'm now on day 32 with no AF symptoms - like I said, I normally know a few days before when she's on her way. Oh dear.

Sunday was a really bad day, and my moods since have been swinging from one extreme to another. Last night I was dancing around the living room like a loony 'cos I was in such a good mood! These extreme swings are not normal for me at all :confused:
 
Know the feeling!

Hi, I really do feel for you, I`m not on insulin but a massive dose of Metformin and simvastatin which gives me such stomach cramps I`m scared to go out - and yet my glucose levels are still swinging from 2.5 - 15 within a few hours. Just wanted to say that my daughter has diabetes and during her second pregnancy was almost suicidal at the constant injecting, testing and food craving which she couln`t satisfy. Anyway she now has two beautiful perfect sons delivered by C-section ( the thought of a `natural` birth horrifies her! ) and she has completely forgotten how miserable she felt. It wasn`t easy, she had 3 miscarriages, but got there in the end. Bless you, I know it`s so hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when you`re so ill and depressed but my thoughts are with you, you`re not alone and people DO care.xx
 
I think I'm feeling AF on her way now 🙂

Phew!

I'm plugging in my Carelink USB tonight to help decide how to set my basals to bring my BG down. I'm dreading finding out what my average has been over the past couple of weeks.

I just don't have much energy for it at the moment. Feel like all I'm doing is getting by and no more. How have I become so de-motivated?!
 
bigpurpleduck said:
I think I'm feeling AF on her way now 🙂

Phew!

I'm plugging in my Carelink USB tonight to help decide how to set my basals to bring my BG down. I'm dreading finding out what my average has been over the past couple of weeks.

I just don't have much energy for it at the moment. Feel like all I'm doing is getting by and no more. How have I become so de-motivated?!
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Hiya

I'll have a look at the carelink weekly overlay if you like and see if we come up with the same tweaks. Up to you. You can email me if you like x 🙂
 
Emma
Are you intending to make these tweaks on your standard profile, or have I miss-understood you?

You shouldn?t adjust your main basal profile but create another profile to bring in on aunty flows, but the problem is that we have different levels of hormone changes from one month to another; experience has taught me this is virtually impossible, so I now just use on going tactics during the visits..
I think that you might benefit (once aunty flow is out the way) of returning right back to basics, get some intensive fasting testing done as you did when you started with your pump, but this time concentrate on your days off and getting this settled, once you?ve achieved this then build a second profile for work and work one this..

Another tip I found useful when I?m doing any intensive testing period, is when eating carbs keep carb amounts the same with meals, also if I?m testing carb ratio?s I will use the same food on that particular meal to pin it down...
Between these times, I will do spot fasting tests, perhaps once or twice a month at different times, so that I can spot any emerging pattern changes, this means that often I can tweak, test but avoid the real intensive testing as long as possible..
 
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