I know that it can be frustrating, but I am glad that the nurse is working with you to gradually find the basal rate that you need. Once that is settled they will work with you on finding the right carb ratio for your meals. It is such a learning curve. Their advice of splitting your carbs throughout the day is good at present and by having fixed(ish) amounts whilst they help you sort your basal insulin, it is one less variable.
You could talk to the DSN about reducing your carbs at each meal if you wanted to, as that would make the rise smaller after each meal, and may also help you with some of the symptoms that you are experiencing.