First anniversary

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Patricia

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Hello all

I know we've rehearsed this one year anniversary several times...so apologies to anyone who's sick of it.

On 19th November it will be one year since my son's diagnosis. And I'm feeling a bit wobbly. Have been for a couple of days now. Not helped by the weekend 're-enacting' last year exactly: I went to the same conference this time last year, only four days before diagnosis.

ANYWAY. I'd just like to know how others feel when the anniversary rolls around, and what you do, if anything. What you have done or will do.

We think we might go out this weekend. Just for a quiet dinner, all of us. My son has talked about it a little, but doesn't seem struck in particular by the day. He's now 13. My OH and I are both a little shaken, I think....

Just like to know how you find things....Thank you.
 
maybe see it as a way of celebrating how well you have done over the last 12 months and not necessarily the diagnosis anniversary would be better.

Im not sure how ill mark it when mine comes round - i think id be a bit reflective myself to be honest.
 
hi Patricia im still 3 month left for my 1st yr anniversary and i always think is it something i will celebrate or just ponder all day long ,, the way i see it i have decided it will be like any other day i will be working anyways as its a saturday, I can understand it being diffirent for you as obviously your child has it but as you have said i think it will be a nice idea to go out as a family and reflect on the highs and lows so to speak of the first year, i bet your worrying more then he is hun lol xx whatever you do hope you have a lovely day and your son and o/h
 
Patricia said:
Hello all

I know we've rehearsed this one year anniversary several times...so apologies to anyone who's sick of it.

On 19th November it will be one year since my son's diagnosis. And I'm feeling a bit wobbly. Have been for a couple of days now. Not helped by the weekend 're-enacting' last year exactly: I went to the same conference this time last year, only four days before diagnosis.

ANYWAY. I'd just like to know how others feel when the anniversary rolls around, and what you do, if anything. What you have done or will do.

We think we might go out this weekend. Just for a quiet dinner, all of us. My son has talked about it a little, but doesn't seem struck in particular by the day. He's now 13. My OH and I are both a little shaken, I think....

Just like to know how you find things....Thank you.
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Hi

We don't have an anniversary day as such, it was the day Jessica was born so a whole other ball game for us. We do tend to celebrate pump start day though which was 14 December 2006 as it was such a turn around for us.

On the email list though this subject comes up time and time again. Lots of people go out on that day but others, which I personally think is the way I would deal with it, is to be guided by the child with diabetes.

I know that it has 'happened to us' as well and knocked out lives totally out of kilter and our emotions but it is obviously very different for the child as this is forever.

There is no reason why you and your husband can't mark the date somehow in your own way, as your live did change forever as well, there was life before diabetes and now there is life after diabetes and whilst all the players are still present, the game has changed, if you get my drift.

Other families just totally do nothing as they don't want to remember the day at all and treat it as any other day. I think that for all first anniversaries it is still so raw for the parents more so than the child as a year goes quickly for us and I don't know about you guys, but I feel a certain amount of guilt that Jessica's health is how she is and mine is ok. Forget the fact that hers is hereditary, I don't mean that. I just mean that I'm diabetes free and she is not.

Whatever you and E decide, you will all be ok. xx
 
I can't even remember exactly when I was diagnosed. I hadn't thought about it at all before joining this site, so it is exactly the same as any other day for me :D I know some people have a little 'celebration', which is cool 🙂
 
ive been diabetic for 10 years now and cant remember the exact day i was diagnosed. all i remember is it is close to my sisters birthday so i tend to just celebrate the fact i am still here and the fact i have a wonderful life to 🙂
 
Hi Patricia,

Just had my annivesary yesterday:D, wasn't sure what to think wether to tell many people or what! I spent most of the day in the garden and didn't think about it, when I did to be honest I was a little angry🙄 I went out in the evening (not because of the day, but some friends organised to come over and eat out in a country pub!) I was knackered from working in garden and thirsty for beer and food, probably drank too much (who me?) I told the people I was with but not sure what I wanted them to say or think, to be honest I'd rather not remember when it was but as it's on world diabetes day I doubt even my rubbish memory will forget that!

So that's me, but we're all different, it probably is best to talk to your child, and if they don't want to do anything it sounds like you and your o/h should do something yourselves, as you are affecting just as much but in a slightly different way.

Cheers

Rossi
 
It sounds like it is the parents who will remember. Some of you are newly diagnosed ie a year or two but the rest don't seem to remember. I think it is such a huge horrendous surprise to parents that it will be remembered for their life. For the child, if they are young enough, they don't understand how serious and why and as they grow up they will forget the date (unless us parents keep reminding them 🙂🙂)
 
I'm pretty sure my mum doesn't the exact date either, but i'll ask her later 🙂
 
I went to a beer festival for my anniversary. It wasn't the exact day, but it had become a tradition in recent years and I missed it when I was diagnosed. I think, for me, it meant me saying 'life goes on' - I wasn't going to let diabetes rule my life, and I'd learned enough about the condition and what I could and couldn't do so I could put it in its place.

Probably not an option for your son though, Patricia, but maybe the sentiment behind it still fits. Your son has had a huge amount to cope with, but from what I have read, he doesn't let it stand in his way -hopefully he will not be sad, but strong.🙂
 
i'm always told "two weeks before your third birthday" when i ask my mum my diagnosis date. she has a diary from that time though (she kept diaries for the first few years of our lives) which she recorded everything in: first steps, first words, hospital appointments (and outcomes), drs appts, etc. it's fascinating reading!
 
Thanks all. I think it's just the *shock* really, that hasn't gone entirely. And the memory of what our lives used to be like. These memories are very close and vivid still, and I long for the freedom, the spontaneity of our lives then....

Saying that, I take everyone's point about the carrying on bit, and about what is possible. This rational feeling just seems to be in a tussle with the more irrational, emotional stuff. They seem to be all thrown together!

I'm can't pretend that I wouldn't give almost anything for our lives to be as they were. This is not to say that *this* life is so bad -- it really isn't, and we have each other and are actually strong and happy in so very many ways... It's just that I'd rather have the freedom we had. I'd rather my son still had that. The constraint is heartbreaking and monumentally arbitrary.

It's partly to do with what we thought we were heading for, our ideas of the future. I thought we'd be able to go away for a day or two, just OH and I, soon again. This is out of the window. I thought that my son would be able to start babysitting my daughter soon. This is also out the window for a while. I thought that he would naturally move away from us, gain independence, and that we would watch him go, happy in his ability to look after him self in most ways... This is also out the window.

The new future isn't clear to me yet, I suppose. And also, I guess I don't, deep down, really want it.

Sorry for moan. It's good to hear that those of you who been type 1 for a while esp don't look at the day as wildly important... And certainly always good to hear about continuing to do as you've always done. I know this is true. And that our care is really incomparably better than the care in so many countries.

I know this! But I still feel cheated. Really cheated.

It will pass.
 
Patricia said:
Thanks all. I think it's just the *shock* really, that hasn't gone entirely. And the memory of what our lives used to be like. These memories are very close and vivid still, and I long for the freedom, the spontaneity of our lives then....

Saying that, I take everyone's point about the carrying on bit, and about what is possible. This rational feeling just seems to be in a tussle with the more irrational, emotional stuff. They seem to be all thrown together!

I'm can't pretend that I wouldn't give almost anything for our lives to be as they were. This is not to say that *this* life is so bad -- it really isn't, and we have each other and are actually strong and happy in so very many ways... It's just that I'd rather have the freedom we had. I'd rather my son still had that. The constraint is heartbreaking and monumentally arbitrary.

It's partly to do with what we thought we were heading for, our ideas of the future. I thought we'd be able to go away for a day or two, just OH and I, soon again. This is out of the window. I thought that my son would be able to start babysitting my daughter soon. This is also out the window for a while. I thought that he would naturally move away from us, gain independence, and that we would watch him go, happy in his ability to look after him self in most ways... This is also out the window.

The new future isn't clear to me yet, I suppose. And also, I guess I don't, deep down, really want it.

Sorry for moan. It's good to hear that those of you who been type 1 for a while esp don't look at the day as wildly important... And certainly always good to hear about continuing to do as you've always done. I know this is true. And that our care is really incomparably better than the care in so many countries.

I know this! But I still feel cheated. Really cheated.

It will pass.
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Patricia, your post has rung so true to me. I too feel cheated and still keep asking myself why my son? Still, we're early days, only 3 months and emotions still run high. The 13th of each month feels like a miserable day to me and I will never forget it as long as I live.
 
I always remember the day i found out I had diabetes. I wonder if my mum remembers I will have to ask her when I think of it.
I don't do anything special usually for my D-day, but I like to eat cake or do something similar just because I can. I don't make a big deal of it but it's an important date to me.

I hope the day is bearable for you Patricia and you and your husband will be able to support each other. I'm sure this first one is the hardest. None of what you have written sounds like moaning, all of what you are feeling sounds reasonable.
 
I told my mum I had a 'massive' hypo this morning and she ended up say she wishes she could have Diabetes instead of me. Made me well up 😱
 
Adrienne said:
It sounds like it is the parents who will remember. Some of you are newly diagnosed ie a year or two but the rest don't seem to remember. I think it is such a huge horrendous surprise to parents that it will be remembered for their life. For the child, if they are young enough, they don't understand how serious and why and as they grow up they will forget the date (unless us parents keep reminding them 🙂🙂)
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i was just the younger side of 21 (still 20 but nearly 21) when i was diagnosed and yes my mother could probably tell me the exact day i was diagnosed but as i dont want to cause my mum to have to remember the date either i would rather celebrate life and the fact i have a great family and a loving lady in my life 🙂
 
katie said:
I told my mum I had a 'massive' hypo this morning and she ended up say she wishes she could have Diabetes instead of me. Made me well up 😱
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We all feel that though, all us mum's. I used to say it to Jessica. At the FFL conference though we were told not to say that as it doesn't get you anywhere, that is in response if a young child is saying I hate diabetes. It doesn't help you to help them by saying that as you can't change that. We were told you have to say positive things etc etc.

Doesn't stop me thinking that though.
 
Wow, it's made me well up reading all of your posts, and I'm not even a mum! You are all such superstars, and it's hard for me to imagine what it must be like.

But I can relate to what you say Patricia, about longing for what your life used to be like, I've felt like that a lot myself. I'm kind of glad that I got diagnosed after I'd left home, so my parents didn't have the worry about how I'd cope away from their care. After the first few months I've never really talked to my family much about diabetes as I don't want to make them worry - so they don't know about the hypos and mood swings etc. But I do have my partner who is great and does know about all these things.

There are a lot of poeple on here who have had diabetes since they were a child and coped successfully with being more independant and leaving home, so you know it can be done, but obviously that won't stop you worrying.

As for me, I don't really mark my diagnosis day, although I can remember when it was - Easter Monday 2007 - I got home from an Easter weekend away where I'd eaten loads of chocolate and felt really rough, only to find a letter from the Dr saying I had diabetes. It seemed like my world had imploded at the time, but looking back now, my life's not been affected anywhere near as much as I thought it would be.
 
Hi Patricia

I do so understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you. Like you, i still feel the shock of diagnosis day. It still hits me full in the face sometimes and is enough to take your breath away for a moment.

The first anniversary was a very emotional time for me too but my son was unaware of the date so i just bought him a present to say how well i thought he had been doing re his diabetes. He was chuffed to receive the present but was not aware of the meaning of the day he received it. On his second anniversary i did nothing. I know the date and always will but my son is not aware of the exact date although if he stops to think about his diagnosis he will be able to remember the month it was.

I made the decision not to make anything of the anniversary date with him. I fear it would become too an emtional day each year. But i feel this has to be a personal decision and you should do what ever you wish to do Patricia.

Keep strong. Try to keep as busy as possible on the date so it passes quickly and so you have less time to think about it. I will be thinking of you and totally understanding how you feel.

Sending you love and hugs

Mand xx
 
Thank you once again everyone. I'm so relieved and comforted to read what everyone has to say. Thank you thank you.

Had a brief conversation about the anniversary yesterday with son and daughter...Daughter was pretty hilarious: her ideas were that we could go out to eat at the hospital 🙂rolleyes🙂 or go out and have the meal with the hugest amount of carb in it we could find 🙂eek🙂. She's nine, was devastated by her brother's diagnosis, but has a seriously wacky sense of humour.

My son was more circumspect. He quite liked the idea of going out (loves good food, anyway!), but didn't want to talk about it. He said he finds it upsetting, and that he knows it has to be talked about...but he wasn't wanting to then. He also said he finds the whole thing, thinking back to it, depressing. Here's the rub though: he also added that there were more important things to think about and talk about.

I was proud of him for this. He's right. He will have to face over and over, like us, diagnosis, and what this means. But his urge right from the beginning has been to get it integrated into his life, and get on. His diabetes, from the beginning, seems to have been something he needs to tackle and stay on top of, but is a bit like any other pain in the butt thing in his life: got to be done, but doesn't stop him doing what he wants to do.

In a funny way I'm not sure I'll ever get over the depths of despair I felt the second night E was in hospital. It was the worst, by far, time of my life. I sat on his bed in the middle of the night, and felt like my insides were being ripped out. My baby. It was awful.

ANYWAY. Mand, I will take your advice and press on. I also like the idea of a small present for the children this year. But I suspect that, like you and others, we will from now on mark the day more quietly. This whole thing is like learning to find happiness again after someone close to you has died. It's important, on the first anniversary, to visit the grave and mark the time. But as the years go on, you merely stop and think, pause mid-step for a moment. One kind of life has ended, and another has begun.
 
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