Feeling Guilty for Surviving!.

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IamHim

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Hi everyone, I have just joined a mental health support group, because I need some support (I am not suicidal or anything of the sort), I just feel I am struggling a little, of course the news dont help much neither.

I realise now I am feeling guilt for surviving nearly dying due to not being diagnosed as a type one diabetic, and the effect that would have had on my family, especially my wife and parents, am sat here now trying to keep the tears in and not scream, when I get upset I have to calm myself down but the pain is there.

So yeah feeling guilty for surviving, but why I dont know. - Any support would be so great right now.
 
hi Lawrie

Sorry to hear you are feeling so emotional about your diabetes diagnosis and how traumatic it was. Many people feel very strong emotions when trying to come to terms with their diagnosis and it is considered to be very similar to grieving with the same processes and stages.
I too felt guilt, but for me it was guilt that I had brought this upon myself as I was a sugar addict pre diagnosis. I used that guilt to motivate myself to change and to look after my health better and to manage my diabetes as well as I could, so that I was not likely to be a burden to others. The forum has been massively important in helping me to do that and just touching base with people here every day, reminds me that I am not alone in this and that there are lots of us juggling life with this condition and that actually we can be healthier than none diabetic people if we learn how to manage it well. We can't change what has gone before but we can change the here and now and tomorrow and the day after.
I know you have had really poor support from your GP and hospital, which will not have helped but you can take control of this diagnosis and make changes and learn how to live well with it. Not saying it isn't a pain in the backside at times, but if you devote a bit of attention to it, it is less of a pain than if you try to ignore it.

Crying is a strength not a weakness, so do feel free to let it go. Hopefully, once you release that emotion, you can stop looking back and start finding your way forwards into a new healthier future. Sending (((HUGS)))
 
@IamLawrie - feeling frustrated about diabetes is something that most of us will feel and it’s perfectly normal

You could try taking each day as it comes perhaps?

Sending (((HUGS)))
 
Hi @IamLawrie,
Well done for recognising you'd be better getting some support - rather than hiding from that; and well done in continuing to reach out: both in joining a mental support group as well as writing about that on this forum. These actions won't miraculously resolve everything- but they will help you, in some strange and slightly unfathomable way.

I'm also a survivor - not quite as yourself, but nevertheless now 3 yrs (bar a few days) from massive surgery to remove a cancerous tumour wrapped around my pancreas. I know I'm fortunate to still be alive - the survival rate from pancreatic cancer is not great! I don't experience your feelings of guilt, but I do sometimes get a bit stressed about everything and I was allowing that to further wind me up.

One technique I stumbled into was "Mindfulness". When my niece told me about it I initially thought it was akin to tree hugging; not for me! But my BG was all over the place and stress of any sort doesn't help; I also knew deep down I wasn't being reasonable to my wonderful wife. So I looked further into Mindfulness, swallowed my pride and decided to give it a try. I am a convert. If I feel hassled, worried, anxious or any similar stressful emotion I try to consciously pause and draw on the myriad of Mindfulness techniques that I learnt about.

I learnt that there are literally dozens of ways to practice Mindfulness and sometimes just stopping and thinking which technique should I try ..... is enough to make me relax a bit and bring some perspective to the moment. The outcome is already set in train and the fresh perspective sorts me out, as well as enjoying the change of mental approach. There are Mindfulness courses out there, both online and face to face. I found my course as a cancer survivor, so I had a place to start, thanks to Macmillan. But my course was funded by the NHS.

Good luck.
 
Hello @IamLawrie and welcome to the forum.
I hope that you can get some help with your mental health. I suspect I have something similar. I am in a band and we lost our bass player to Covid. It is coming up to the anniversary now, and it is still strange to play some of the old repertoire and not have the bass come in when expected.
 
Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit overwhelmed by your diabetes diagnosis @IamLawrie :(

Good to hear you are connecting with a MH support group. I hope sharing your experiences in a supportive atmosphere helps you.

The mind can be a peculiar thing at times - and even when you know the feelings you have are irrational (you have nothing to fell guilty about after all!) it doesn’t stop you feeling the feelings all the same.

Perhaps try that mindfulness strategy of seeing your thoughts and feelings as clouds crossing the ‘sky’ of your mind. Some are big, some are small, some dark, some light. They come, they stay a while, and they go. But the sky remains.
 
Hi @IamLawrie and really sorry you are struggling at the moment. I've just come back from the South coast for the funeral of an old friend I've known since I lived down there in the 80s. She didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't have diabetes and is 4 years older than me, yet was ravaged by inoperable cancer. Do I feel guilty? You bet. I brought diabetes on myself through my life choices but I am still here when she, and others, have gone.
The fact your diagnosis of T1 was delayed isn't your fault. Surviving isn't your fault.
My 95 year old dad would love to drop dead tomorrow but he can't. That's not his fault.
The longer I live the more I realise that life truly isn't fair and that we have to make the best of the hand we're dealt with. I sincerely hope that the mental health group brings you some answers and some comfort, and that you get your diabetes under control.
Very best wishes to you, you deserve better than what you are going through x
 
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