Falling apart

[AJLang]

I keep trying to put happy posts onto Facebook but in truth I feel so desperately down. I'm fed up with my health problems limiting what I can do and at the moment I can't even get out of the house on my own. I was going to try and cook dinner last night but after five minutes of standing my hip and back were in agony because of my hip arthritis and face jaunt arthropy. My diabetes has a mind of its own. I was meant to start University this weekend and even that dream has gone. I feel like I've got nothing to look forward to even though it's my birthday in a fortnight and I have a wonderful boyfriend and friends. But it feels like I'm losing my independence and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm meant to be doing an online anxiety course - that's the best you can get offered in my town - but the "supporter" who is a paid member of staff. isn't even doing reviews when he's meant to and I can't put anymore pressure on Mark.

 

[Greymouser]

Just caught this before I longed off and your post saddens me, because you sound to be in a very similar place to my wife. She has lost a lot of her independence over recent years, sometimes gets very down about it, but always soldiers on. She amazes me with how strong she is, not least for putting up with me!

I cannot offer much advice, from my own personal experience, but just second hand from my wife. You need to find out who you are again, now, try to not look back at what was, but what is. Live in the moment, not the past, or worrying about the future. As for university, have you considered the Open University? I know I have, but long had doubts that I could fit even that in with my responsibilities, caring for my wife. However they did assure me that it is possible to do some courses, entirely from home. It might be worth looking into. My wife is further along than you in the journey, she hasn't even made herself a hot drink in three or more years, she does get angry sometimes, but she copes, finds new ways of identifying herself, if you see what I mean?

One dream may be gone, but you need to find another, not give in, never let the B******* win! That is my wife's motto! I do tend to focus on the negative way too much, your post has prompted me to look at myself again, thank you I guess, it is always useful. Instead you, ( and me probably, ) need to look at what we do have and focus less on what we do not. The alternatives are nearly always worse.

Lastly I can only offer <<<<hugs>>> in a virtual sense of course, I hope you start to feel a little more positive soon. 🙂

 

[grovesy]

Sorry to hear this, you come across as quite good at dealing with everything that is thrown at you. It is not surprising it is overwhelming you.

 

[SueEK]

So sorry you are having such a rough time and it is making you feel so low. Pain is a dreadful thing to cope with day in and day out. I hope you are under either orthopaedics or rheumatology for your arthritis, is there any further help they can offer you. You seem such a stoic person and often stoic people don’t push for further help. Sounds like you have lovely people around you but the old saying about being lonely in a crowd is very true. I think all of us put on a happy face when in fact we are miserable inside and I can only encourage you to talk to them, or possibly someone completely out of your group.
I can’t offer you any help other than we are here for you, I’m having a rough time myself at the mo and haven’t told my family about certain things as I tend to isolate myself when I am a bit low. I call it cocooning myself so I’m being a bit of a hypocrite suggesting you speak about your emotions, but we are all different.
My very best to you and I truly hope things improve for you.

 

[AJLang]

Thank you everyone. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come on here complaining. I’ve got a much better life than a lot of people, but just feeling overwhelmed at the moment with everything, as you guessed Grovesy. Hopefully I will start to pick up a bit more when my foot is fixed and I can get out on my own and go back to my art therapy classes. I will know tomorrow about the foot at the fracture clinic. Hopefully it will be good news.
Greymouser and Sue thank you for sharing. It helps me to put what I’ve got going in perspective. Unfortunately depression and anxiety aren’t easy to fix, but I’m very glad I have the support network that I’ve got. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for either of you.
Sue the only option left with my back is injections but with a risk, although only a slight risk, of total paralysis and I’m not prepared to take that risk.
Greymouser I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It must be so difficult for both of you. I am currently trying online learning but only a little of that exhausts me because of other conditions. But thank you very much for suggesting the Open University because its learning materials are excellent. Your right, I definitely mustn’t let the B*****win and just need to focus on what I can do here and now.
Hugs to all of you.

 

[SueEK]

Thank you everyone. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come on here complaining. I’ve got a much better life than a lot of people, but just feeling overwhelmed at the moment with everything, as you guessed Grovesy. Hopefully I will start to pick up a bit more when my foot is fixed and I can get out on my own and go back to my art therapy classes. I will know tomorrow about the foot at the fracture clinic. Hopefully it will be good news.
Greymouser and Sue thank you for sharing. It helps me to put what I’ve got going in perspective. Unfortunately depression and anxiety aren’t easy to fix, but I’m very glad I have the support network that I’ve got. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for either of you.
Sue the only option left with my back is injections but with a risk, although only a slight risk, of total paralysis and I’m not prepared to take that risk.
Greymouser I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It must be so difficult for both of you. I am currently trying online learning but only a little of that exhausts me because of other conditions. But thank you very much for suggesting the Open University because its learning materials are excellent. Your right, I definitely mustn’t let the B*****win and just need to focus on what I can do here and now.
Hugs to all of you.

You’re not complaining, you are just expressing your feelings which is a good thing and please continue to do so whenever you feel the need, we all do it so you know we all understand. I really wish you well, take care xx

 

[Jodee]

I keep trying to put happy posts onto Facebook but in truth I feel so desperately down. I'm fed up with my health problems limiting what I can do and at the moment I can't even get out of the house on my own. I was going to try and cook dinner last night but after five minutes of standing my hip and back were in agony because of my hip arthritis and face jaunt arthropy. My diabetes has a mind of its own. I was meant to start University this weekend and even that dream has gone. I feel like I've got nothing to look forward to even though it's my birthday in a fortnight and I have a wonderful boyfriend and friends. But it feels like I'm losing my independence and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm meant to be doing an online anxiety course - that's the best you can get offered in my town - but the "supporter" who is a paid member of staff. isn't even doing reviews when he's meant to and I can't put anymore pressure on Mark.

Sending you luv n hugs AJ and hope you are soon feeling so much better, you will figure a way round things xox

 

[Martin9]

I try not to comment on type 1 posts as I have no advice to give but I hope better things for you , take care, be strong and use the advice here...

 

[Drummer]

Could you adapt a space near your sink so you can sit at a table to cook?
I have a single induction ring - but I think you can get double ones, and I use a free standing halogen oven.
I did my degree with the OU back in the 1970s, and a lot of the work was done at home, and the tutorials and summer schools were all wheelchair accessible. With advances in technology it can only be easier to do the OU these days, and their year is the other way around to the academic one.

 

[SB2015]

Thank you everyone. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come on here complaining. I’ve got a much better life than a lot of people, but just feeling overwhelmed at the moment with everything, as you guessed Grovesy. Hopefully I will start to pick up a bit more when my foot is fixed and I can get out on my own and go back to my art therapy classes. I will know tomorrow about the foot at the fracture clinic. Hopefully it will be good news.
Greymouser and Sue thank you for sharing. It helps me to put what I’ve got going in perspective. Unfortunately depression and anxiety aren’t easy to fix, but I’m very glad I have the support network that I’ve got. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for either of you.
Sue the only option left with my back is injections but with a risk, although only a slight risk, of total paralysis and I’m not prepared to take that risk.
Greymouser I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It must be so difficult for both of you. I am currently trying online learning but only a little of that exhausts me because of other conditions. But thank you very much for suggesting the Open University because its learning materials are excellent. Your right, I definitely mustn’t let the B*****win and just need to focus on what I can do here and now.
Hugs to all of you.

There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t come on here complaining. Just because others may be better off than you, you are still entitled to feel overwhelmed by all that you are coping with. I am not sure that there is much that I can do to help, but will still say that YOU are more than your diabetes, arthritis, ...
You have so much strength that comes across in the support that you give to others of us on here.

It is crazy that there is the delay in providing emotional support. Are you able to self fund counselling. I am glad that I took this step when depression hit for me. The person was not a specialist with regards to Diabetes, but was still able to help me look beyond what I was struggling with.

With regard to your university course that you are unable to start at present, did you get a reading list? Can you set yourself some starting points based on what you know about the course.

 

[Bruce Stephens]

I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come on here complaining.

That's an important part of what the forum is for (as I understand it). And just because other people might be worse off doesn't mean you shouldn't feel low.

 

[Greymouser]

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for either of you.

You already have helped, in the thread I started about my eye problems. Thank you. 🙂 ( Other times too... )

A few things to add:
My wife has a name for each leg, because they often seem to have a mind of their own, she says, they react to her swearing at them! I sometimes think she needs sectioning too. 🙄
If you get offered Methotrexate as a treatment for Arthritis, ( assuming you already have not got it, ) please accept it, my wife would not do without it now. A very dangerous medication, but very good, for her anyway.
Also, did you know you can get something called a perching stool which used to be very useful for my wife, though not any more: https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/...MI5Nr9l-vd5AIVRNreCh3q9wu7EAQYASABEgLYd_D_BwE
It is higher than a normal chair and the seat is at an angle. You might even get one prescribed for you, for free from your OT and council. Again always assuming you see an OT, if not ask your GP for a referral. Not sure how easy it is to get referred now, what with normal physio a right pain now, to get to see, as I know very well.

 

[KARNAK]

Oh Amanda looks like all the problems are catching up with you, you have enough problems without mental exertion. I had a spell last week but the lovely members on the forum soon picked me up and helped me through this short but significant depression, you amongst them. Its easy for everyone to say we are here for you, which we are BUT we are not in your position and stuck in your prison cell is no joke either. I have learned today from my DSN there is help for persons who are finding it hard to cope and completely P*ssed off, I haven`t got the info available at this time but will get it for you tomorrow. You know the score you don`t have to apologise for anything, we love you for being Amanda, please take care my dear friend.xxx

 

[Eddy Edson]

All the best, Amanda!

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Firstly, thanks for sharing how you are feeling here Amanda. That in itself will help others who are also feeling overwhelmed know that they are not alone. It takes bravery and openness to be honest in a public space like this rather than pretending that things are ‘fine’ and honesty is always good.

Secondly I really hope that you get good news about your foot and some respite from some of the challenges you are facing, plus more effective support on your anxiety course.

There are lots here thinking of you and wishing you well.

 

[Stitch147]

Sending you a virtual hug Amanda. If I could drive and would come and give you a real one. You have a lot on your plate to deal with at the mo. I hope your fracture clinic appointment goes well today and you get some of your freedom back. Xx

 

[Lucy Honeychurch]

So sorry to hear you're struggling AJ, sending you a big (((hug))) and hope things pickup when your foot heals xx

 

[AJLang]

Thank you everyone for your supportive messages and suggestions. I have read all but apologies for not replying individually.
Fracture clinic wasn’t as as good as I hoped. It has started knitting together but is still quite displaced. I’m now allowed to be more mobile but still in the orthopaedic
boot and got to go back on my birthday(October 4th) for another x-ray. They usually fully heal in six weeks so I’m quite disappointed and no guarantee as to whether it will completely heal by itself. I’m shattered at moment and feeling quite down but hope to get out with Mark at the weekend. Not sure that I feel confident to go out on my own at the moment because the original fracture happened so easily - but I will try to get my confidence back.

 

[grovesy]

Sorry to hear the appointment was not totally the result you hoped for, everything crossed for the next one.

 

[AJLang]

Thank you Grovesy. I’m beginning to feel a bit more positive now 🙂