don't think i can do this anymore

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SilentAssassin1642

SilentAssassin1642

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
I feel like I'm actually about to break down and cry.

the d is really taking over at the moment, its like its never letting up. I can't deal with it anymore. The thought of injecting makes me want to throw all of my insulin away. The thought of seeing those numbers just makes me want to break down and cry.

Imagine being twenty one and having diabetes complications. That's what its like for me.

I just...I just don't think I can do it anymore. I keep reading up on complications and its scaring me half to death.

I worry about everything, more so since being told I have peripheral neruopathy. Recent lack of appetite and feeling full all the time is making me think I could have some form of autonomic neuropathy.

I'm probably being a loser and worrying too much.

Maybe I should see a shrink about it. But I don't want to be on a cacophony of pills and having to hide it from my parents.

Because I really don't think I can do this anymore. I want to forget about diabetes and I am this close to going back to how I was back at uni. Blood sugars? What are they?

I don't WANT to do this anymore.
 
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Oh I'm so sorry to hear your feeling down and don't want to do it anymore. I don't think I can say anything that will make you feel better, but defo seek more help and keep talking on here. Lots of folk will try and help.

I'm sending you love and hugs - stay strong x
 
SilentAssassin1642 said:
I feel like I'm actually about to break down and cry.

the d is really taking over at the moment, its like its never letting up. I can't deal with it anymore. The thought of injecting makes me want to throw all of my insulin away. The thought of seeing those numbers just makes me want to break down and cry.

Imagine being twenty one and having diabetes complications. That's what its like for me.

I just...I just don't think I can do it anymore. I keep reading up on complications and its scaring me half to death.

I worry about everything, more so since being told I have peripheral neruopathy. Recent lack of appetite and feeling full all the time is making me think I could have some form of autonomic neuropathy.

I'm probably being a loser and worrying too much.

Maybe I should see a shrink about it. But I don't want to be on a cacophony of pills and having to hide it from my parents.

Because I really don't think I can do this anymore. I want to forget about diabetes and I am this close to going back to how I was back at uni. Blood sugars? What are they?

I don't WANT to do this anymore.
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So so sorry you are feeling so blue. If i could get into the computer i would hold your hand and give you a big hug. I have only recently had feelings of resentfulness towards Diabetes. I had the most terrible time last thursday morning, my scared and frightened daughter, a paramedic and my ex partner in my bedroom, my daughter late for school and thinking for god's sake what the hell is happening to me. I have had the big D for 21yrs, my husband left leaving me with 2 children, then i get it. I have had a child, came through that but now i am in tears because i don't want my child to find me like that again or worse. All i keep thinking about is her, I wish i had a magic wand and then i could make this disease disappear for everyone. Please take care of yourself, at least we have this forum so we can have a flipping good moan about D. Send a pm if you are up to it. Sheenax
 
Sam, I really think you should speak to a doctor about how you are feeling, especially as it sounds like it is affecting your will power to keep on top of the D. I know what you mean about lying to your parents, mine have no idea I am back on antidepressants or seeing a shrink at the moment. Personally I find it far easier to not tell about the treatment than to cover up how bad I am feeling.
Can you talk to your OH about thinks?

Rx
 
rachelha said:
Sam, I really think you should speak to a doctor about how you are feeling, especially as it sounds like it is affecting your will power to keep on top of the D. I know what you mean about lying to your parents, mine have no idea I am back on antidepressants or seeing a shrink at the moment. Personally I find it far easier to not tell about the treatment than to cover up how bad I am feeling.
Can you talk to your OH about thinks?

Rx
Click to expand...

I have an appointment on friday - but so much to talk about. My main aim is a demi pen...but then there's this lack of appetite thing and now this.

The thought of telling the doc how on top of me this is getting scares me half to death. I don't want to be on tablets...
 
Tablets are not so bad, especially if they make you feel better. There may be other things you could try too, counselling, cognitive behavoir therapy etc.
 
SilentAssassin1642 said:
The thought of telling the doc how on top of me this is getting scares me half to death. I don't want to be on tablets...
Click to expand...

sam, you have a right to have a say in how you are treated - it's very easy for doctors to prescribe drugs, but you can push it (if you need to) and go down the counselling etc route first.
 
Someone very wise once said to me "if you had a broken leg and the doctor offered you pain killers, would you say no? They dont heal your leg, your body still has to do that and you have to do the right things to help it, but the pain killers will support you and make it easier for you bear and get through the day. "Happy pills" are exactly the same but for your mind instead of your leg." Its nothing to be ashamed of and its not a sign of weakness.
 
but thats just it...do I really need them? I mean...I don't feel depressed or anything...I'm just having a really bad time of it D wise atm. And the thought of talking to a stranger about it terrifies me something chronic 😱

maybe its because I'm having so much time to myself at the moment? Maybe I just need to have a big hug with Matt and tell him how I feel? I don't know...

I might ask my doctor on friday. But I'm not sure I can handle having any form of tablets for anything like that...........i know its nothing to be ashamed of but...more tablets? Do not want :(
 
Sam

Everyone of us has only so much in-built coping ability, and stresses erode our ability to cope. You have had so much stress and strain that its not surprising that you are finding some days a struggle. A lot of what you are saying sounds like you may be a bit depressed. Lack of appetite is a definite symptom. I got quite depressed but there was one thing I was sure of that I wasn't going to let myself end up in hospital - I think I didn't want anyone to judge me and how bad I was feeling. So I was on auto-pilot with respect to eating and injecting. It was only when I started taking anti-deps and felt hungry that I realised I hadn't felt hungry in years.

You don't have to take tablets - they don't work for everyone. I have posted this before but you could try this site - you register and you can then do as much or as little of the course as you want - it does make you fill in a questionnaire about various things to see if you appear depressed or anxious - and you can print that and maybe show it to a Dr.

http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/

It could be that in a couple of weeks when you start your new job things will start looking better to you.

Hope you feel better soon - I know that deep down you will persevere despite how you are currently feeling.
 
Perhaps some counselling would help but make sure you find one who listens more than they talk. You have a lot going round and round and round in your head and you could do with talking it out. Perhaps things you could try or do differently will come to you as you talk. Who knows?

Happy pills are not always the answer but can be a useful crutch.

Posting on here could also help. Sounds as if you have had recent news of a complication which has probably hit you for six and you feel as if all the juggling just ain't working any more.

I also hope you are feeling better soon.
 
SilentAssassin1642 said:
I feel like I'm actually about to break down and cry.

the d is really taking over at the moment, its like its never letting up. I can't deal with it anymore. The thought of injecting makes me want to throw all of my insulin away. The thought of seeing those numbers just makes me want to break down and cry.

Imagine being twenty one and having diabetes complications. That's what its like for me.

I just...I just don't think I can do it anymore. I keep reading up on complications and its scaring me half to death.

I worry about everything, more so since being told I have peripheral neruopathy. Recent lack of appetite and feeling full all the time is making me think I could have some form of autonomic neuropathy.

I'm probably being a loser and worrying too much.

Maybe I should see a shrink about it. But I don't want to be on a cacophony of pills and having to hide it from my parents.

Because I really don't think I can do this anymore. I want to forget about diabetes and I am this close to going back to how I was back at uni. Blood sugars? What are they?

I don't WANT to do this anymore.
Click to expand...

Having read your original thread, I can understand completley where you are coming from. I have had D for 6 years and am only now beginning to accept it. A few years back, I let myself get so bad that I was literally a week away from death.

I know how hard it is to try and keep your chin up when everything else is falling down around you. I have nerve damage in my feet from D which doesn't help the fact my feet are already quite messed up.

I also don't have much of an appetite and sometimes I have to force myself to eat but I know that it's what is going to help to keep me alive.

Please try and get to a "shrink" if you can. They don't have to prescribe you pills. Sometimes talking is the best medicine of all.

All the best, PM me if you want to chat more. x
 
Sorry that you are feeling so down Sam. You say that you don't feel depressed but unfortunately alot of people don't even realise that they are depressed and it sometimes takes someone from the outside to spot the signs.

Do you have a close friend you could talk to about how you are feeling?
If not you should seriously consider talking to a professional councilor.

Hope you feel better soon, big hugs Phil.
 
aww sorry ur feeling so crap *hugs* when the bad days seem to happen every day its time to stop and start again, stop reading up about complications !! i did that a few months ago when i got dx with nueropathy in my feet and scared myself half to death with them , i was convinced i had kidney failure! scared myself so badly i went to drs and ask for the full works test , my nursey then laughed at me when i got the results! my hba1 actually was down and my kidneys were in excelent health , but thats not to say i have good control coz i dont ( its bad ...v v baaadd) lol , but seriously people forget about the emotional impact of having diabeties and its just as serious as any of the diabeties stuff , you are a person you feel just like anyone else and when things go wrong you feel it , and it is allowed! , do you have any one u can just talk through all this stuff with it can really help , or do like i do and nutralize the thinking part of your brain with some loud music and write it all down , i do know there are diabeties councilers if you are really struggling mabey ask your dr about it
hope you feel better soon x
 
I'm having one of those days too. Hope that things look better tomorrow for you xx
 
Me too sam:(and emma :( for the first time in ages i let the unemployment c*** get to me as well :( is it the moon ???
 
am64 said:
Me too sam:(and emma :( for the first time in ages i let the unemployment c*** get to me as well :( is it the moon ???
Click to expand...

Maybe there seems to be a few of us feeling like this today xx
 
in all honesty i don't think it was just "one of those days". I'm still feeling very much the same today, I'm just good at hiding things - how do you think I got through all those years of rebellion?

Erratic behaviour is being blamed on blood sugar levels - and in all honesty most of this may be to do with that - after all I went and met the OH for shopping on a BG of 16.0 and then dropped to 3.0 when I got home.

I honesty think these BG swings are what the problem is - going from super high to low in not very long? It's going to make anyone hate this stupid disease.

I had a 1.7 earlier on when I was on my own in the middle of the big deserted graveyard in soton. It was terrifying. There was nowhere to sit so I had to actually sit on some poor buggers grave and sort myself out...in tears. And then I just felt all numb and cranky and wanted to go home but was determined to stay out.

I'm getting good at painting a smile on this. I just wish I could have a few days of solid steady numbers instead of stupid swings. And I wish I could have some form of appetite and not this horrible feeling of not wanting to eat. If I eat, I feel all acidy and its not very nice :(

This whole situation is rubbish. I can feel my numbers creeping up again but I honestly don't want to treat.
 
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