Don't know where to turn

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Lizzie

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Hi

I am really struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn. I don't feel like I can speak to any doctor or nurse at the clinic. I tried to arrange an appointment with the counsellor attached to the clinic but I can only make one specific morning each week when I go in late to work, and she is part time and cannot do that morning so nothing happened. My weight is increasing and was not low to start with. My blood sugars are all over the place. I am very stressed right now and don't know what the future holds for me or my family for various reasons. The last time I went to the clinic they did not even ask me if I needed any support, just said I should have bariatric surgery. I don't want to speak to people who just see me as a fat blob of lard sponging off the NHS and it was clear the doctor did think this, even if she did not outright say so. I am sorry for moaning like this but this was the only place I could think of to try and vent some of this out to people who might possibly understand. I hope you don't mind. I am sure there are people worse off than me on this list but I just needed somewhere to vent my feelings. If anyone has any ideas on where I could ask for help they would be very welcome.
 
Here is a good place to start with your diabetes concerns, there are many good people here that help all the time.
However reading between the lines it's your family life that maybe making your diet/diabetes problems worse than they would normally be. Without knowing more (assuming the internet isn't a good place to discuss these things) do you have close friends or family mambers to talk to?
 
Thanks for replying ypauly. My family members are all stressed out too and I don't want to add to it. And anyway I don't think they really understand. They have never been very hands-on with my diabetes, it has always just been my responsibility. They did not want to be clingy or overprotective.
 
Hi Lizzie, sorry to hear of the problems you are having. Diabetes is particularly unfair because it amplifies all those feelings of despair, increasing the stress and anxiety and making your levels difficult to predict. Would it be possible to take the time off as paid leave so you could see the counsellor on a day she can see you? I appreciate this may be difficult depending on what job you do and how amenable your boss is. Alternatively, is there any chance of your doctor saying that you need time off for your health? Although, given her suggestion of surgery, it doesn't sound as though she would be much use :( Any chance of seeing a different doctor?

It sounds as though you are trying to cope with everything but not being able to find the time and support you really need to help get things in order, and to plan for ways to improve things. Hopefully, being able to vent your feelings here will help, if only a little.
 
Lizzie said:
Thanks for replying ypauly. My family members are all stressed out too and I don't want to add to it. And anyway I don't think they really understand. They have never been very hands-on with my diabetes, it has always just been my responsibility. They did not want to be clingy or overprotective.
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In that case making time for the difficult appoint is an essential. Your health is important and sometimes it is nessessary to miss work, I hate doing this myself as my appointment threads on here will suggest. I don't know what the counsellor will advise obviously, but I hope he/she asks your family to attend a meeting so they can be educated.
 
The thing is they love me and are supportive etc. But they just don't get it. They think I am on top of things and always have been. When the truth is it is a constant struggle. But my mum has health problems and her job is uncertain and this affects the whole family. I don't want to add this extra burden to them.

I don't want to take time off work if I can help it. My job is also uncertain. I know legally they can't sack me for this officially. But I don't want to take any risks right now, I don't need the hassle of fighting with unions and my employer etc and since my boyfriend works in a jobcentre I know how horrible it is for unemployed people right now, and it will only get worse under the new government. We are very short staffed right now at my work and were having problems even before the financial crisis, they are soon to sack another lot of people and I don't want to be one of them. I wish appointments were available outside work hours.
 
Lizzie said:
The thing is they love me and are supportive etc. But they just don't get it. They think I am on top of things and always have been. When the truth is it is a constant struggle. But my mum has health problems and her job is uncertain and this affects the whole family. I don't want to add this extra burden to them.

I don't want to take time off work if I can help it. My job is also uncertain. I know legally they can't sack me for this officially. But I don't want to take any risks right now, I don't need the hassle of fighting with unions and my employer etc and since my boyfriend works in a jobcentre I know how horrible it is for unemployed people right now, and it will only get worse under the new government. We are very short staffed right now at my work and were having problems even before the financial crisis, they are soon to sack another lot of people and I don't want to be one of them. I wish appointments were available outside work hours.
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Is there no way you could speak to your boss and offer to make up the hours? People who do this are always looked at better when lay offs/redundancies are about.
 
Lizzie said:
I don't want to take time off work if I can help it. My job is also uncertain. I know legally they can't sack me for this officially. But I don't want to take any risks right now, I don't need the hassle of fighting with unions and my employer etc
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You need to make time for yourself. It is not like you are asking for a week off. If you had a more serious illness (not saying diabetes isn't serious) like cancer etc, you would be certain to make the time to go to your appointment.
Take a morning off and go to your appointment.
 
The thing is it isn't just a morning. If I went to counselling it would be once a week for, I don't know, I think it is usually six or eight weeks. That is a lot of flexibility I am asking for, just because I can't deal with stuff on my own. I don't even know if talking about it will help, it won't change the situation.
 
Lizzie, I've been having sessions every 2 weeks since November. It's been invaluable to me, I have a whole series of issues I have to deal with and while they can't sort it out for me, they have been a great help with finding practical solutions and contacts. It's also been good just to have someone listen to me whinge, the chance to get things of my chest has actually helped a lo, though I didn't think it would. Give it a go is what I advise, if it doesn't help then you've lost nothing, but chances are it will.

The job situation is a tricky one, I'm not sure what to advise about that, but it may be possible to get an evening appointment. The people I volunteer with often do them, so perhaps the place you're being referred to will as well. You can but ask.
 
Lizzie, surely there are other counsellors! It could be even if you arranged everything to have time with this one, you may not get on and it would be worse than ever. It is important to have a good relationship with the counsellor and as we are all human beings, it doesn't always gell straightaway.

Take time to be unwell. You deserve the chance to get yourself right.

Gotta go - hope this is not too short or preachy!
 
Hi Lizzie.

Poor you! - sounds very, very tough.

A few things:

1) THe NHS is a service that you pay into, and you deserve its support as much as anybody else.

2) Diabetes is serious; you are ill, and illness does deserve time off work. If you need it, your doctor should write a note for you. I realise that you have probably been struggling on and just 'getting by' for a while, and might 'get by' for more weeks like this, but the way you are feeling is something that needs medical attention. Take it seriously; make time for it.

3) You can now choose any NHS hospital / clinic and usually have a choice of more than 1 GP; if you need to change, change.

4) GPs often see themselves as "busy and important" people, and can sometimes miss the fact that something in their manner makes us feel *this* big. It might not even have been to do with you: they might have been worrying about the patient they saw half an hour ago and not concentrating.

This is NO excuse.

I find a useful tactic is to tell people how you are feeling (sometimes you really do have to spell it out for them).

e.g. (calmly) "The way you said that made me feel that I was just wasting your time and don't have a problem. Is that how you really feel?"

(hopefully, the answer here has to be 'no', if it isn't change GPs immediately an put in a big complaint),

"So you really think I need surgery? Can you refer me to an expert to discuss this?" (if they do, the expert will soon tell you if this is not appropraite! - if they don't want to refer you, ask them why not.

Or better,

"....so please could you set up some counselling for me and write a letter for my boss telling them that I genuinely need time off work for this, because you can't fit me in at any time when I'm not working......"

5) I think the most important thing is, to recognise that you are feeling awful and something has to change, so push, push to make things change - nobody does the pushing for you.

Good luck
X
 
Hi all and thanks for your replies. I don't think there are other counsellors at my hospital (St Thomas's in London), there seems to be only one part time counsellor attached to the diabetes clinic, appointments only in working hours. Changing hospitals is a good idea. Tommy's is in the same trust as Guy's so maybe their clinic has more counselling support available. I will look into it. I know I could see a counsellor not connected to diabetes but I would prefer to see someone who understood diabetes, since a lot of my issues are tied into my diabetes. I did write to Diabetes UK but they could not suggest anything.

Thanks again for all the support.
 
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