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Do you give yourself a hard time with your diabetes control?

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Flower

Flower

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
I'm really interested to know how others feel about their control.

I had my pump clinic today and all my results were good, HbA1c 44 and a really enjoyable discussion and some laughs with the consultant, DSN and dietitian about the joys/challenges of diabetes 😉😱

I worried myself sick before this appointment even though I have round the clock data from my pump and cgm so knew my estimated HbA1c. I just don't ever think "well done Flower, you've done pretty well all things considered". I always think I am making a right mess of it all and need to try harder - regardless of the data at my disposal.

Do you give yourself a hard time despite your best efforts and results ? Does that 'must try harder' feeling just go with the monotony of being diabetic and not having the luxury of a day off?
 
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I can't speak for others but I definitely give myself a hard time even when I see results. I am actively dreading my next appointment because I know my hba1c will have gone up as I've just started a pump and not got rates quite right yet. I think the fact we watch constantly and things are constantly moving (in terms of levels) makes it difficult to take a step back sometimes and just appreciate that actually, we have done a pretty good job keeping the beast under control.

So, with that being said...

CONGRATULATIONS on your fantastic hba1c! :D
 
I do find it a daily battle however I am at my worst on the build up to an appointment with the consultant. I joked with him at my last appointment that I am more nervous going to see him than I am going in for an operation (i've had 5 ops in the last 2 years). I get sooo anxious, my heart rate is through the roof, my usually low blood pressure can go high and I struggle to talk as I am out of breath from nerves.
 
Flower said:
I just don't ever think "well done Flower, you've done pretty well all things considered". I always think I am making a right mess of it all and need to try harder
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Me too.
 
I've had a bit of a struggle separating out the guilt trip from eating something I shouldnt, ( I mean, eating for reasons other than hunger, not that there are forbidden foods per se) and not transferring the guilt to the resulting effect on my BG, if that makes sense. I've had to teach myself to think, what's done's done, and at least i injected for it, rather than trying to pretend I haven't just eaten the remains of yesterday's pudding, and feeling a failure for getting spikes in my BG levels. So nowadays, I try just to be cross with myself for raiding the fridge, not about whether my libre trace looks like the Himalayas, but it's taken a few years to get to that point and I don't always manage it.
( I think I've just come across as a total nutcase.😱)
 
Robin I also know what you mean.😛

I think the increase in round the clock data whilst allowing me to achieve so much better control has also added to my worries about every bg blip or Himalayan valleys and peaks. I feel I need an explanation for every result that isn't where it should be. I need to take a step back 🙄o_O
 
Yup!!
I find it hard to manage the responsibility of my management being in my own hands, knowing that it is up to me to prevent long term complications and also needing to live a life. A constant juggling act.MmI needed realistic targets to keep myself in check. Celebrate 60% on target. That may not sound good but it is hard work, and I need recognition.
 
I'm beginning to think that this may be gastroparesis is a blessing because despite doing everything I should the gastroparesis will always make the BG levels erratic so there is no point in beating myself up about it. I carb count everything, I average 10 tests a day plus the Libre, I micro bolus so I can't really do much else so I try not to beat myself up about it but I do frequently fine tune my basal and well as the micro boluses. The only times I get really upset is when the gastroparesis means that highs can take a mega amount of testing and correcting in the morning and when I get totally unexplained bad hypos at night.
 
Thank uou all 🙂

I think the ongoing battles I'm having with complications is making me super critical of myself and the idea of aiming for a target in range as @SB2015 says is a good way forward and a lot more achievable than whatever it is I'm trying to achieve!
 
I'm very hard on myself as everyone well knows, I still don't eat or even look at things others on here do, don't get me wrong, I would love to give into that slice of cake, chocolate bar etc but I just don't feel ready and having dessert at Christmas and New Year was a massive deal for me, I daren't test post meal though as I knew if I saw a big spike like say at Christmas it would've put me off pudding at New Year, I've been higher than my 'norm' for the past week and not too happy about it but nothing I can do, I've realised it seems to be a trend for the week before my contraceptive injection is due, but I also realise things are going to happen and there's nothing we can do but try our best and that's what we all do so I guess I'm just trying to say we should all just try and chill a bit 🙂 xx
 
Flower said:
Thank uou all 🙂

I think the ongoing battles I'm having with complications is making me super critical of myself and the idea of aiming for a target in range as @SB2015 says is a good way forward and a lot more achievable than whatever it is I'm trying to achieve!
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I think also you may be like me, I find it hard to take a compliment from my DSN. If she says, well done, I don't think, 'Oh, I've done well' I think, 'Oh, it's not really good, she's just saying that because she's trained to be encouraging' or, 'She's only saying that because she's comparing it with all the people who aren't trying, and it looks better than theirs.'
I think SB's target for in-range is a good idea. We need to set targets that are achievable, and then b***dy well congratulate ourselves when we hit them!
 
All I know is that it is hard work doing what we all do day to Day, and we all deserve a big pat on the back for just managing. I am sure that each of us does the best we can, and none of us set out to get it wrong, but Diabetes has it’s own way of mucking up plans. So just keep diong whatever you can and enjoy life.
 
Kaylz said:
I'm very hard on myself as everyone well knows, I still don't eat or even look at things others on here do, don't get me wrong, I would love to give into that slice of cake, chocolate bar etc but I just don't feel ready and having dessert at Christmas and New Year was a massive deal for me, I daren't test post meal though as I knew if I saw a big spike like say at Christmas it would've put me off pudding at New Year, I've been higher than my 'norm' for the past week and not too happy about it but nothing I can do, I've realised it seems to be a trend for the week before my contraceptive injection is due, but I also realise things are going to happen and there's nothing we can do but try our best and that's what we all do so I guess I'm just trying to say we should all just try and chill a bit 🙂 xx
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Spot on Kaylz.
Thank you.
 
Interesting and thought provoking post Flower.

Have just come back from a walk. While out I was trying to find right words to reply, without my usual ramble, and you've all done it for me! Looks like we're all much the same. Living our lives and doing our best 🙂
 
Have to say for a lot of my diabetic life once my control was within what I wanted (and I won't tell you what that is!) I didn't worry too much and my attitude was "c'est la vie" - I am going to enjoy life - diabetic or not. However since becoming a parent that has most certainly gone full circle and especially for the last few years where complications have begun to set it (probably after enjoying my diabetic life for 35 years!) - I have really gone overboard and know I am too hard on myself about my control (notwithstanding that I try my utmost). I actually don't worry too much about what the consultant or DSN say it is more what I think in my crazy head that annoys me! Note to self - to be kinder to myself as life is too short - diabetic or not.
 
As I've aged ..I've got a bit apprehensive about my Eye -and Kidney disease screenings.

I'm ✻easy on myself✻ about my HbA1c, etc stats ..as I can tamp these down quite nicely.
 
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