Sorry everyone, just need to rant & let off steam a bit!! Don't bother reading this unless you're feeling really cheerful & resilient - I'm afraid I'm taking a wallow in self pity!!
I'm so tired of chaotic sugar levels, playing catch-up to highs / lows, missing/delaying injections because I'm chasing around after my toddler, even though I know I should be especially on the ball at the mo because we're ttc number 2, but somehow I keep finding myself grazing carby snacks that then play havoc with my levels...I know I shouldn't but it;s like I can't help myself?!! Stupid woman!!! and as if short term control isn't a big enough issue I've already had to have laser surgery on both eyes because of proliferate diab retinopathy, I've an eye check early aug & I'm dreading it because I'm one of the very few people who get a reaction to this horrible fluorescent dye they stick into your vein so they can get really good pics of the back of your eyes (- ie vomiting violently over the following 24 hrs) ...and I thought the eye drops alone were bad!!! I'm really worried that if my eyes are worse they have to zap again I won't be able to drive...so I won't be able to get to work...so I'll lose my job - argh!!! (public transport would cost a bomb & literally take hours) I hate my stupid body!!! I just feel like it's letting me down - I couldn't even reach full term with our son because my cr***y kidneys started to fail & I got Pre eclampsia - that was with such careful control I'd got an HbA1c of 5.2%!!! These days I can't seem to get below 7.5%. I do try & maintain good control but then I just get so bloody tired of trying to think & juggle everything & I'm so tired because I haven't had a solid nights sleep since I don't know when & I am just so fed up!!!! I know rationally that I am way luckier than a lot of people & I really shouldn't whinge, but I am so fed up! Aaargh!! I hate it, I know I need to get my butt in gear but I'm so tired & fed up. It's pathetic. It just feels like it's 110% effort with absolutely no slip ups will get you moderately good control, anything less & it's sheer bloody chaos.
Sorry to rant, but it's that or literally bang my head against the wall!!😡
I'm so tired of chaotic sugar levels, playing catch-up to highs / lows, missing/delaying injections because I'm chasing around after my toddler, even though I know I should be especially on the ball at the mo because we're ttc number 2, but somehow I keep finding myself grazing carby snacks that then play havoc with my levels...I know I shouldn't but it;s like I can't help myself?!! Stupid woman!!! and as if short term control isn't a big enough issue I've already had to have laser surgery on both eyes because of proliferate diab retinopathy, I've an eye check early aug & I'm dreading it because I'm one of the very few people who get a reaction to this horrible fluorescent dye they stick into your vein so they can get really good pics of the back of your eyes (- ie vomiting violently over the following 24 hrs) ...and I thought the eye drops alone were bad!!! I'm really worried that if my eyes are worse they have to zap again I won't be able to drive...so I won't be able to get to work...so I'll lose my job - argh!!! (public transport would cost a bomb & literally take hours) I hate my stupid body!!! I just feel like it's letting me down - I couldn't even reach full term with our son because my cr***y kidneys started to fail & I got Pre eclampsia - that was with such careful control I'd got an HbA1c of 5.2%!!! These days I can't seem to get below 7.5%. I do try & maintain good control but then I just get so bloody tired of trying to think & juggle everything & I'm so tired because I haven't had a solid nights sleep since I don't know when & I am just so fed up!!!! I know rationally that I am way luckier than a lot of people & I really shouldn't whinge, but I am so fed up! Aaargh!! I hate it, I know I need to get my butt in gear but I'm so tired & fed up. It's pathetic. It just feels like it's 110% effort with absolutely no slip ups will get you moderately good control, anything less & it's sheer bloody chaos.
Sorry to rant, but it's that or literally bang my head against the wall!!😡
