Complications with a hint of blame

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Flower

Flower

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
It’s a bit of a rant about the ‘control’ question again.

At an emergency foot clinic last week I got asked “ isn’t your control very good”?

I manage my diabetes as best I can, my HbA1c is mainly in the mid to high 40s, the highest it’s been in the past 10 years is 50. My complications - sight loss and Charcot foot- happened about 27/28 years ago after a really difficult damaging time with diabulimia. The fact I have complications today does not relate to my current diabetes management, even if there was a cure tomorrow I would still be partially sighted with collapsed bones in my feet & no ankle joint.

I find it upsetting that there’s often an implication of blame & guilt, ‘you’re not doing a good enough job’ when my chronic complications happened so long ago and aren’t ever going into remission however good my management.
 
That is rubbish treatment @Flower, they really should know better. As if you brought it on yourself and chose to be in such pain rather than managing your diabetes! At least you know we are rooting for you on here, and know that your complications are historic and nothing to do with your diabetes management. This is such a great place to unload frustration when we are up against the powers that be x
 
That's awful.
I read years ago that you should not refer to diabetes control but to talk about management.

Regardless, not being aware of your medical/diabetes history is shocking.
 
Thank you, I felt upset that they implied I was making a mess of everything ongoing when the opposite is true. My complications worry me every minute and I am trying my best to manage things and keep juggling with the challenges.

I hadn't realised I'd posted this! I was surprised to see it on the forum - my ipad fell on the floor and must have landed on post thread, at least it made reasonable sense!
 
Flower said:
Thank you, I felt upset that they implied I was making a mess of everything ongoing when the opposite is true. My complications worry me every minute and I am trying my best to manage things and keep juggling with the challenges.

I hadn't realised I'd posted this! I was surprised to see it on the forum - my ipad fell on the floor and must have landed on post thread, at least it made reasonable sense!
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Hi Flower, have a ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))
It sounds as if that HCP sure knows how to cheer up his/her patients :( Perhaps next time congratulate him/her on their outstanding ignorance.
 
What an ignorant and insensitive thing to say! I’m fuming just hearing about it 😡 Ignore them. You know the truth, and you know they’re wrong. Sending you a big hug. XXX
 
((((Hugs)))) from me too. They all seem to ask similar questions (podiatrists, dentists, nurse practitioners...) but I’ve never heard it put quite as brutally as that @Flower! “Put the shovel down and move away from the hole” would’ve been my hubby’s response to the person asking the question. Rude, tactless, severely insensitive...what an idiot. I’m so sorry you had to endure that level of stupidity, what with all the challenges (obvious to an HCP, surely?) you live with.
 
Ah @Flower :(:(:(:(

Sorry you have had to experience this.

Language Matters has been out for a long time now, but there is still so much to be done to reduce blame and stigma :(
 
I very recently mentioned the loaded question my DSN asked me years ago when both of us knew I'd rather like to have a pump - Do you ever worry about having hypos, Jen? The answer she needed in order to tick the necessary box as one of the NHS 'reasons' to enable a patient to have a pump, was Yes. Just hadn't expected it at that moment - so although my real answer was Well of course I do you silly woman, how could I not, or you even imagine I wouldn't? I also knew very well she wasn't a silly woman and why she was asking me cos I also knew very well what the NICE Guidelines said.

However your case is rather different because the one asking the question was/is a stupid twit. Go on the hospital website and find the bit that tells you how to complain and do exactly that thing. They need preventing saying such inappropriate things to other people.
 
I am in awe of your HbA1c results @Flower Well done with managing your levels so effectively whilst also managing the other issues. Those comments are so insensitive and they can have no idea about how much work you put in to managing your diabetes.
((((((( Big hugs ))))))))from me.
 
Personally I might find the incompetence more annoying than the insensitivity. Read the damn notes before mouthing off, muttonhead!
 
Hey @Flower

Not sure what else to add, some people just don’t think do they, or haven’t been on the receiving end of such comments or haven’t bothered to learn and research outside their own specialty …one can only hope that this person will have learnt something from you and think on in the future.

I think we are all in awe of your fantastic control and appreciate the amount of time and effort goes into this.

Sending a useless but full of love hug to you xx
 
I read a lot of messages and I can assure you that if your Hba1c was any lower you'd have been quizzed about hypos and how you should be keeping your Hba1c up higher. It isn't you - its them, playing the blame game.
 
Your post demonstrates that lots of people don’t understand diabetes and assume it is due to letting yourself go. There are lots of factors, like genes, age, etc., that you have no control over. Yes, there are people who don’t manage diabetes well (& the reasons for this are complex), but one shouldn’t assume if you have complications, you’re somehow at fault.

I was only recently diagnosed with diabetes. All my life I’ve exercised and eaten well. Then, we had lockdown. I could try to blame the change of exercise and diet brought on by lockdown on this, but the reality is that diabetes was probably always unavoidable for me. I’ve done my best.

I’m sure you’ve done your best. Don’t let the inadequacies of others diminish your resolve. That’s on them, not you. Keep up the good work!
 
@Flower I am soooo sorry to hear that you were treated like that. Nobody should be asked that, it is so hurtful and upsetting. I had a good conversation with a rheumatologist yesterday and she was explaining how complications develop even with excellent control. Big hugs xx
 
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