Coming to terms with it all over again...

[grainger]

so...
Some of you already know me. I have a tendency to moan - sorry but I'm going to again.
I feel like I'm failing at well pretty much everything right now. I read post after post and I'm in awe of you all. You've dramatically changed diets, lifestyles etc and you control your numbers beautifully. Me on the other hand I feel like a yo yo. I have 2 weeks great, 2 weeks here there and everywhere and then a week of getting back to grips with everything. I literally don't know how you guys all do it.
Plus I'm miserable - which I know it's helping but struggling to shake it off right now.

Anyway this isn't a question it's just a general rant and I apologise for the self centred nature of this post.

Someone told me yesterday that god doesn't give us more than we can handle - honestly I just want to tell them to F off. Even the idea of one more thing going wrong or happening is enough to reduce me to tears.

Anyway. Sorry. Needed somewhere to rant so I can go pretend to my toddler that all is fine.

 

[grovesy]

Don't be hard on yourself and rant away.

 

[Kaylz]

so...
Some of you already know me. I have a tendency to moan - sorry but I'm going to again.
I feel like I'm failing at well pretty much everything right now. I read post after post and I'm in awe of you all. You've dramatically changed diets, lifestyles etc and you control your numbers beautifully. Me on the other hand I feel like a yo yo. I have 2 weeks great, 2 weeks here there and everywhere and then a week of getting back to grips with everything. I literally don't know how you guys all do it.
Plus I'm miserable - which I know it's helping but struggling to shake it off right now.

Anyway this isn't a question it's just a general rant and I apologise for the self centred nature of this post.

Someone told me yesterday that god doesn't give us more than we can handle - honestly I just want to tell them to F off. Even the idea of one more thing going wrong or happening is enough to reduce me to tears.

Anyway. Sorry. Needed somewhere to rant so I can go pretend to my toddler that all is fine.

Sorry to hear your feeling so down hun, as we all know this is the place to rant - feel free anytime, hope you start to feel better soon 🙂 x

 

[Ginny03]

So sorry you're having such a rough time. Reading the posts on here, it does always feel like we have a lot to live up to and sometimes that feels completely impossible (to be honest it put me off joining the forum - I read posts for a long time before joining). Particularly for those of us who have been diagnosed for a while, we don't tend to post about the bad times. I know I didn't post on here about the weekend I spent most of my time up at 14.0 (despite correcting repeatedly... I then came down with a bad cold several days later - mystery solved!) or about having misjudged a meal and having to down fruit juice repeatedly until your bolus stops working. We're not perfect - particularly the type 1s.

Big lifestyle changes can only be made if you are in a position to make them - and with a toddler in tow you are in a very difficult position - cut yourself some slack! All I can say is it's OK to get it wrong sometimes - It's OK to put your head in your hands occasionally and have a good cry when you can't figure out where it's all going wrong. Just try to focus on the test result in front of you - work out why your sugars have done what they've done, work out how to fix it and say to yourself 'the next result will be better'. If after correction the next result isn't better, you do the same thing again, and again, and again until it either goes right or you ask someone on here or end up having a chat with your DSN. When you get a good result - celebrate - and try not to beat yourself up for the bad ones x

 

[Lucy Honeychurch]

((((Hugs)))) rant away! I still have lots of highs bs readings and also hypos, it feels like a battle I'll never win. One day at a time and as @Ginny said, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself xx believe me I'm far from perfect 🙄

 

[Manda1]

Sorry to read that you are feeling so down. None of us are perfect love and its my understanding from earlier posts of yours that you have had a rough time recently. My heart goes out to you and I am going to send you a big old Mandy hug x just to let you know that I am thinking of you x

 

[Martin Canty]

You've dramatically changed diets, lifestyles etc and you control your numbers beautifully.

Don't be too hard on yourself, as a general rule I tend to post just the positive stuff & offer support and encouragement...... On the bad days I disappear.... Believe you me, I do get those days where I'm sick of being D & would like to eat or do what I used to do.

 

[Amigo]

so...
Some of you already know me. I have a tendency to moan - sorry but I'm going to again.
I feel like I'm failing at well pretty much everything right now. I read post after post and I'm in awe of you all. You've dramatically changed diets, lifestyles etc and you control your numbers beautifully. Me on the other hand I feel like a yo yo. I have 2 weeks great, 2 weeks here there and everywhere and then a week of getting back to grips with everything. I literally don't know how you guys all do it.
Plus I'm miserable - which I know it's helping but struggling to shake it off right now.

Anyway this isn't a question it's just a general rant and I apologise for the self centred nature of this post.

Someone told me yesterday that god doesn't give us more than we can handle - honestly I just want to tell them to F off. Even the idea of one more thing going wrong or happening is enough to reduce me to tears.

Anyway. Sorry. Needed somewhere to rant so I can go pretend to my toddler that all is fine.

Thing is grainger, they didn't tell you the other part of that quote which is;


“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.”

You think everyone is coping and running marathons with stable 5 BG's whilst looking forward to their Burgen bread, courgette spirals and no treats diet? Not on your nellie! 🙄 For everyone doing great today there's another person screaming expletives at the world and thinking they're absolutely useless! Including me daily. I had a bloody good cry yesterday morning...not necessarily diabetes related because in truth I have bigger health fish to fry and issues that would make Mother Theresa weep but some days we feel fed up, useless and life is a bit too hard. It's ok to feel like that just don't unpack and live there 😉

Today is a bad day and only be concerned if it continues. I'm not sure what's been going on for you but you could be suffering the emotional hangover of other things. If that persists, have a word with your doctor because you could be depressed. No shame in that and sometimes we need a helping hand to get over things.

Diabetes is unrelenting...its unforgiving and it doesn't give us a day off. And it's a total pain. But don't ever believe the site is full of champion dieters and serene diabetics with trouble free lives. In truth we're all like you just battling it one step at a time and in my case, one meal at a time!

Take care, plan something nice for yourself if you can. With a toddler you're probably run ragged and physically and emotionally depleted. But that's today and tomorrow is a completely new start. Hope it can be a better one for you x

 

[Peapod87]

Sending hugs your way xxx

 

[grainger]

I was going to try and reply to you all individually but I'm sorry my evening is manic and I wouldn't want to get halfway and then not be able to say anything to the rest.

Thank you all for encouragement and support today. I've read some of these comments with tears streaming down my face - it is really heartwarming that you'd take the time to share and send hugs etc.

Tomorrow is a new day right.

 

[Mini-Vicki]

Sorry to hear you're feeling down Grainger. That pesky diabetes fairy likes to get around sometimes.
I think often this forum, like social media in general often only shows the best of times.
Diabetes is a constantly changing beast unfortunately. My BGs have been yo-yo ing for several weeks now, nothing much has changed in my life, but my BGs have decided that they will be all over the place. I've been on a Libre trial for the past two weeks, and my daily graphs were nice straight (ish) lines for two days out of fourteen. It's horrendously frustrating.
Also, I'm trying to lose weight, and finding it so hard to do so whilst trying to maintain a good BG is doubly difficult.
I am a very calm person normally, and I try to be positive and pity myself as little as possible, but I had a mini breakdown to my hubby and just said to him - why does my life have to be so hard?
Very dramatic I know! But sometimes it just feels that way.
So, rant away, we all understand here. Hugs xxx

 

[Carolg]

Don't know if this will help grainger , but reading a post like yours and the responses of others makes me happy that I am no different when I want to rant and moan about living with diabetes. Some posts make me feel lucky not to have the same problems, and some responses give me that ah ha moment of understanding and a different way of thinking. You say you at times feel like a yo yo and yes I can understand that too. Bringing up active kids when all these things are going around for you,must be hard and every second of "me time" is a beautiful prize. Here is a virtual {hug} and thanks for your honesty. Take care and I hope this makes sense

 

[AJLang]

Big hugs Grainger x

 

[Bubbsie]

so...
Some of you already know me. I have a tendency to moan - sorry but I'm going to again.
I feel like I'm failing at well pretty much everything right now. I read post after post and I'm in awe of you all. You've dramatically changed diets, lifestyles etc and you control your numbers beautifully. Me on the other hand I feel like a yo yo. I have 2 weeks great, 2 weeks here there and everywhere and then a week of getting back to grips with everything. I literally don't know how you guys all do it.
Plus I'm miserable - which I know it's helping but struggling to shake it off right now.

Anyway this isn't a question it's just a general rant and I apologise for the self centred nature of this post.

Someone told me yesterday that god doesn't give us more than we can handle - honestly I just want to tell them to F off. Even the idea of one more thing going wrong or happening is enough to reduce me to tears.

Anyway. Sorry. Needed somewhere to rant so I can go pretend to my toddler that all is fine.

grainger...'control your numbers beautifully'...'dramatically changed diets'...can't be talking about me...I'm up and down like the proverbial T***s D***s...testing one finger after the other for a better result...raiding the fridge before bedtime...knowing the results I'll get in the morning...lecturing my poor friend who is also type 2 to a point where she labels me 'The diabetes' police (while at the same time scoffing a packet of crisps)...and it gets worse...but...to embarrassed to publish my really bad habits (have I mentioned the mood swings)...I have read your posts...watched with interest how you coped with your diabetes...cared for your family...dealt with the MIL...so impressed...however one in particular made me so sad...just wanted to reach out and give you a huge hug...life can become so unpredictable...often cruel and unforgiving...pretty much the same as diabetes...at the moment things may feel like they are beyond your control...none of us manufacture our emotions...they just happen...so if you feel down...come here... tell us...we'll listen...no judgement/disapproval...we've all had that time when we wanted to just give up...said what's the point...compared ourselves with others...you've made sweeping improvements...remember that...life also gets messy...important to find a balance that's right for you...its not that faraway...just a few more steps.

 

[grainger]

Thanks all. Again such lovely words of encouragement and support it's truly heartwarming.

Today has started better so long may it continue. I think actually allowing myself some tears etc yesterday was cathartic and so I feel more able to face everything today.

Speaking of which I'm late to go and have another tour of another nursery plus need to get at least 1.5hrs of studying in before picking my small tornado of a child up.

Hope everyone has a good day. Thanks again x

 

[grovesy]

Glad you have had a more positive start to the day.

 

[Lindarose]

Hi grainger. Haven't seen you on here for awhile and wondering how you're doing? I hope you're feeling much better again 🙂

 

[pottersusan]

'stable' ... don't know the meaning of the word. I know how you feel. I seem to be stumbling from problem to another at the moment.

You are not alone🙂

 

[PhoebeC]

so...
Someone told me yesterday that god doesn't give us more than we can handle - honestly I just want to tell them to F off. Even the idea of one more thing going wrong or happening is enough to reduce me to tears.

I love your F off response!

I don't even get a full good week. I have a few days then it messes up again.

I have found sorting out my diet and exercising does help, but as soon as you get a cold/infection/period/ go on holiday it all messes up again!

The bank holiday was enough to give me hypos and hypers for 2 days

Yesterday after the dentist (3 teeth need to come out and 8 fillings) I felt very low, and understand the one more thing going wrong being crushing. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it.

I'd just like just one thing to be healthy on me, for once. Its so hard. We are all here for the rants and we all struggle, it is such a s struggle.

Its trial and error, and that is as simple as it is. And trialing with your body like this is so hard.

Hang in there! xx

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Thanks all. Again such lovely words of encouragement and support it's truly heartwarming.

Today has started better so long may it continue. I think actually allowing myself some tears etc yesterday was cathartic and so I feel more able to face everything today.

Speaking of which I'm late to go and have another tour of another nursery plus need to get at least 1.5hrs of studying in before picking my small tornado of a child up.

Hope everyone has a good day. Thanks again x

So pleased to read this Grainger. Hope today contunies to be bright, but DO NOT say harsh things to yourself if it isn't.

You are working hard every single day juggling all sorts of requirements and simultaneously doing the work of a major boldily organ!!

You should also bear in mind that the glum, frayed, useless, hopelessness you seem to have been feeling are exactly what people get when their BGs are running a bit out of kilter.

Be kind to yourself... make sure you are doing the basics, but do not aim for perfction - it doesn't exist... don't fret the small stuff... and it's all small stuff. If you can do a little more than the basics one day, then great. But there is time to bring those BGs into line in one day very soon. Start where you are and keep taking sall steps. You will get there.