Burying my head in the sand

[sandym]

Well, I have done all the urine tests required and also home blood pressure tests and handed them back in. I have heard nothing from my GP since except to say that the last test she had back from the lab said that I had a lot less protein in my urine than the initial test. But then nothing..... I have been experimenting with my insulin which perhaps I shouldn't have as I now seem to be all over the place. Also (and I hang my head in shame) I have been drinking way too much wine lately, but I have felt so stressed out by this whole scare and have gone into 'self destruction' mode and feeling sorry for myself....
Anyway, I rang the surgery today and made an appointment to see her, with the intention of insisting I get some help from a diabetes specialist as I feel like I am just making things worse.
I'm only 48 and feel pretty rubbish right now. Hate this flippin' diabetes thing - and sorry, that's pathetic I know.
I am trying but don't feel very strong right now.
I just want to be in control!
Thanks for reading 🙂

 

[Northerner]

I hope that the appointment goes well and that you get the help you need. The thing about adjusting insulin is that it can take time and needs to be done one step at a time so you don't cloud the waters by introducing too many factors at once. Great news that the protein is much reduced! 🙂

I go through self-destructive phases too, just try and keep them short and get back on track as soon as you can - we're all behind you whenever you need to give the Diabetes Fairy a virtual poke in the eye and kick up the behind! 🙂

 

[sandym]

Thanks for that, its so nice to have someone understand and not judge - sometimes I feel so on my own with this 'thing'! Got lots of supportive family and friends but I am sure sometimes they think I am just rubbish at handling this (which to be fair I am) but they have no idea how blinking hard it is sometimes! Trying hard not to swear here, can you tell!? 🙂

 

[teapot8910]

Thanks for that, its so nice to have someone understand and not judge - sometimes I feel so on my own with this 'thing'! Got lots of supportive family and friends but I am sure sometimes they think I am just rubbish at handling this (which to be fair I am) but they have no idea how blinking hard it is sometimes! Trying hard not to swear here, can you tell!? 🙂

I'm sure they're incredibly proud of you with how well you cope with your D 🙂 You should be very proud too, its a royal pain in the bum!

 

[Northerner]

Thanks for that, its so nice to have someone understand and not judge - sometimes I feel so on my own with this 'thing'! Got lots of supportive family and friends but I am sure sometimes they think I am just rubbish at handling this (which to be fair I am) but they have no idea how blinking hard it is sometimes! Trying hard not to swear here, can you tell!? 🙂

It's very hard to convey how difficult it can be at times to people who are not diabetic. Even healthcare professionals who know an awful lot about it can't really know how it feels on a day-to-day basis - unless they have it themselves of course! 🙂

 

[sandym]

Even my GP when I was in tears on the phone after she told me about the protein in my urine, barked at me when I asked in desperation, 'what can I do?' 'Tighten your control' she replied, like its that easy

 

[trophywench]

I have every sympathy with you because I WAS you - in 2006 and 2007.

My GP's phrase was, 'You have to try harder'.

Eventually I DID swear - right in the doctor's office sat there listening to him churn out that phrase yet again.

I said, "I HAVE tried harder. And harder and harder and Blanking harder until I can't try any Blanking harder no matter what I Blanking well do! (these were all the same Blank and it DID begin with a Blanking F and there was a K in it) It stunned him into silence alright. That was a first.

"So come on then - it's clear I don't know how to do it - so you just better TELL me exactly what to do right NOW."

And I sat and cried. And he stared at the wall and wouldn't look at me.

At length after I'd found a tissue (he never offered me one) he said - "Well I don't KNOW - else I would !"

And I took a deep breath and said, "Well you just better refer me to someone who MIGHT possibly know, then - hadn't you?"

And to be fair - he did that very thing .....

I have always wished I'd lost my temper with him before. They HATE admitting they don't know - and that's a fact.

He's still my GP. By choice I go to see absolutely anybody in the practice other than him, but I see him once a year for the statutory Diabetes MOT when he claims his extra payment for MY A1c being a brilliant 6.5 - now.

Through absolutely sweet Fanny Adams that he has ever done for my diabetes, or my general health - except make that one important phone call since I went on his list in 1998 ......

Go forth and table thump. None of this is YOUR fault. You are entitled to see someone who CAN help you.

 

[deaf-fishie]

First off *hugs*

You're not alone. I've been diabetic for 16 years and there are still days when I just want to give up and cry, days when I look at my insulin pen and think "why can't I be normal?".

Even after nearly losing my life to DKA 6 years ago I have periods where I wonder if it's worth the hassle, counting the carbs, saying no to that choc fudge cake after a meal out.

As well meaning as my friends and relatives are sometimes they can't possibily understand, that's why I'm here. Talking to others, just voicing (or typing) how I'm feeling helps (I often rant on twitter or Facebook, not that anyone pays any attention but it helps me!).

I'm about to start as a clinical support worker at my local outpatients department, I'm hoping it will be the first step (in a long term plan) of becoming more involved in diabetes care - my ulimate goal is to be a DSN, because there are something you can't understand until you've been there.

You're stronger than you think you are and we're here to support you 🙂

 

[sandym]

Thank you so much for taking the time to remember and write it all down! Honestly I do feel heaps better for it, I really do. Have woken up with a bit of a hangover but feel more positive! Its a funny time, I feel so up and down but hopefully I shall soon get some expert guidance and nail this thing!
🙂

 

[trophywench]

Sandy I want to hear from you - veru soon please! - that you've been to your GP, told her you've had enough as she clearly doesn't know how to help you otherwise she would have already explained what to do and she hasn't - so you want a referral.

 

[sandym]

I have my appointment next Thursday and I shall certainly be demanding a few things! I shall let you know, thanks again TW 🙂