Body confidence/happy

[PhoebeC]

Hi All,
My mum has raised myself and my brother with many great qualities. I am thankful for so much, most of our childhoods she was a single working mum,and we didn't have very much at all at a number of points. But we were always happy and safe. And some of the life skills she has given to us are beyond amazing.

Anyway I digress, last night we spent nearly two hours on the phone just chatting nonsense as we do. She mentioned someone she works with who is 'bonny' and doesn't want to wear a bikini on her holiday, because of her suze and then mum was saying 'you know how it is when you are on the beach worrying about how you look, what people think' then she went on to say all the reasons why she shouldn't feel this way, most other people are in the same shoes more focused on this issue than looking at or judging anyone else. And that she is beautiful anyway so what does it matter what strangers who you will never see again think. My mum is correct on all points. It doesn't matter if you are happy with yourself then who cares.

Issue is, my mum kept saying 'you know what it feels like' I have never ever once felt unhappy with how I look. I do not understand the concept, and it is horrible to think this is the norm for the majority of people.

Apart from my non functioning pancreas I am very happy in my own skin. I'm short, I have long arms for my height, I have stretch marks everywhere even on my feet (thanks to pregnancy swelling) and I am hairier than a human should be, the list of these facts goes on.

But do I care about any of this things? no. Not one bean. This is because that amazing woman has raised me to not care how I look, to be body happy. I love my skin. If I wear something I like its for me, it's not for anyone else. If I should have shaved my legs but haven't then so what. Other peoples opinions on my looks could not interest me any less. And I wish this was the case for everyone.

Please please love what you have, we have hard enough times with diabetes to have to worry about pointless other things. And please try not to make others feel bad about appearance, especially as a parent I would hate my daughter to ever think 'No I can't wear that on the beach', she's beautiful on the inside and out, but even the out is irrelevant, its the inside that makes us.

So next time you think I cant wear that item, colour, shape, length or have my hair/makeup/beard whatever a certain way, just do it. Be daring or boring, or comfortable, please you not everyone else!

p.s - Not sure if this is the best place to post this one. Mods please move if needed.

 

[Amigo]

Hi All,
My mum has raised myself and my brother with many great qualities. I am thankful for so much, most of our childhoods she was a single working mum,and we didn't have very much at all at a number of points. But we were always happy and safe. And some of the life skills she has given to us are beyond amazing.

Anyway I digress, last night we spent nearly two hours on the phone just chatting nonsense as we do. She mentioned someone she works with who is 'bonny' and doesn't want to wear a bikini on her holiday, because of her suze and then mum was saying 'you know how it is when you are on the beach worrying about how you look, what people think' then she went on to say all the reasons why she shouldn't feel this way, most other people are in the same shoes more focused on this issue than looking at or judging anyone else. And that she is beautiful anyway so what does it matter what strangers who you will never see again think. My mum is correct on all points. It doesn't matter if you are happy with yourself then who cares.

Issue is, my mum kept saying 'you know what it feels like' I have never ever once felt unhappy with how I look. I do not understand the concept, and it is horrible to think this is the norm for the majority of people.

Apart from my non functioning pancreas I am very happy in my own skin. I'm short, I have long arms for my height, I have stretch marks everywhere even on my feet (thanks to pregnancy swelling) and I am hairier than a human should be, the list of these facts goes on.

But do I care about any of this things? no. Not one bean. This is because that amazing woman has raised me to not care how I look, to be body happy. I love my skin. If I wear something I like its for me, it's not for anyone else. If I should have shaved my legs but haven't then so what. Other peoples opinions on my looks could not interest me any less. And I wish this was the case for everyone.

Please please love what you have, we have hard enough times with diabetes to have to worry about pointless other things. And please try not to make others feel bad about appearance, especially as a parent I would hate my daughter to ever think 'No I can't wear that on the beach', she's beautiful on the inside and out, but even the out is irrelevant, its the inside that makes us.

So next time you think I cant wear that item, colour, shape, length or have my hair/makeup/beard whatever a certain way, just do it. Be daring or boring, or comfortable, please you not everyone else!

p.s - Not sure if this is the best place to post this one. Mods please move if needed.

Your mum is obviously a wise and caring lady Phoebe. Sadly we live in an image obsessed world and some mums are daft enough to perpetuate it in their kids.
The truth is, people will remember how you made them feel long after they’ve forgotten what you looked like!

 

[trophywench]

I think that's a fantastic thing to post - I'm entirely body confident - we are naturists and seen thousands of naked bodies over the decades - and you know what? NOBODY has a perfect body - some of em are nicer to look at than others it's true - but how the hell does that affect whether they are nice people?

Normally I don't think about it, but am more critical when buying clothes and shoes cos I'm just not very good at being stylish but there again - nobody on earth would surely spend their hard earned cash on garments that accentuate the points they aren't as fond of ?

Years ago my husband was asking me if I'd go topless on holiday - I said Yes to shut him up - all the while thinking 'only if everyone else is', in which case perhaps I might. In the event we found ourselves a gorgeous naturist beach and the equivalent of the nightmare when you are naked on the High Street - it felt embarrassing to be dressed! So we both completely undressed and that was that really.

Contrast that with my step-daughter's house - single mum, 4 daughters. Eldest had bought a playsuit for her holidays - it was lovely. I like that, can I try it on please? Yes, it should fit you. So - it their lounge on the back, not overlooked I took off whatever I was wearing and down to bra and pants tried it on. However as I stood up and started disrobing the two eldest shrieked Oh Grandma! and thought it was brazen. We said to them, of course I wouldn't if the room was on the front or you were expecting one of the boyfriends - you just have to use your judgement. But I was shocked at how 'prissy' they are!

Why do they NEED to be?

 

[PhoebeC]

Bodies are just bodies. Not a big issue to me, or the ladies in my family. Although I must admit a blip in this when we went away with my dad and his wife, she thinks topless in public is horrendous, and her views where so strong I didn't feel I could do it around her, because I didn't want to upset her more than anything. But when we were not with them it was okay.

NSPCC visited school a few years ago with a 'pants are private' event. They obviously have a valid reason for doing these things. All Jemima took out of it was a new found love of running around the house in just her knickers, screaming pants are private and wiggling her butt about. And if she should happen to see his 'tentacles' as she calls them we have laughter and hilarity for days. She knows the rules but in the privacy of our home or close family shes a lunatic. My grandma wasn't impressed at all haha!

 

[trophywench]

I like 'tentacles' LOL

When our eldest GD was about 18 at a large gathering of the family I really took the p out of her one day, wearing low slung jeans but the elastic on her underwear was above them. She used to call MY thongs 'Grandma Jen's up-your-bum knickers' when she was 10! Demanded to know if she'd been rummaging in my drawers! Her Great Grandma (my MIL) thought it was hilarious as did most and said that she clearly hadn't been rummaging in hers. Only Auntie Eve (MIL's younger sister so mid 70s, widow, no kids) was a bit nonplussed by it all LOL

 

[TheClockworkDodo]

What a lovely post, @PhoebeC 🙂

I was also brought up not to worry about what I look like - and like you I know my body has flaws (I'm hairy too ) but it's never bothered me. It stood me in good stead when I was doing acting - you really cannot be fussed about all and sundry wandering round your shared dressing room when you're trying to make a quick change (or indeed worry about what you might see when having to walk through the men's dressing room to get to the stage!).

I wear clothes I like - get some funny looks sometimes if I go out to collect the shopping in my red satin maxi skirt, or one of my bright orange outfits, but who cares?! I have friends who won't leave the house without make-up because they're embarrassed to be seen without it - I think that's so sad. I loathe the stuff, stage make-up is so horrible it put me off it for life, and in any case it's nearly all scented so I couldn't wear it now because of my allergies. But what we wear or don't wear - make-up, clothes, whatever - should be a matter of whether we like it or not, not what we think other people might think about us.

 

[KARNAK]

Being a bloke I`m not sure I should reply to this thread, but I will. I must admit having four sisters taught me a lot about female activity including leaving windows ajar to allow them to gain access to the inside of the house so dad doesn't find out. The internet has changed our lives so much @PhoebeC, @trophywench, @TheClockworkDodo have expressed comments that are true but in their own rights are hilarious. I am so glad I am part of this forum, I need the comments and advice to maintain my sanity, hopefully we can all learn from our knowledge and live as better life as we can, here is a virtual glass of whisky to all of you raise it and love each as much as you can, take care.

 

[eggyg]

When I was young, things like anorexia and bulimia hadn’t been invented and anyways I was a skinny little thing and all I wanted was to be bigger! I had no boobs at all and got teased at school ( somethings never change) for being so thin, I got called Twiggy, Stick, Concorde nose etc etc. I have what my mother called a Roman nose and because my face was so thin it did look ridiculously big, I have grown into it now! But even though I got bigger as I got older and dieted on and off when my girls were younger I never ever made a big deal of it in front of the kids. Now as I am more mature I really don’t care what people think of me, I wear a bikini on holiday and I have a lot of scars on my stomach from all my surgery, I wear them like badges of honour, this is me, deal with it. I hope I have passed on my strength and the ability to love themselves to my daughters as your mum did to you. I think I have, we are all strong women and don’t take no s**t from no one.

 

[PhoebeC]

Being a bloke I`m not sure I should reply to this thread, but I will. I must admit having four sisters taught me a lot about female activity including leaving windows ajar to allow them to gain access to the inside of the house so dad doesn't find out. The internet has changed our lives so much @PhoebeC, @trophywench, @TheClockworkDodo have expressed comments that are true but in their own rights are hilarious. I am so glad I am part of this forum, I need the comments and advice to maintain my sanity, hopefully we can all learn from our knowledge and live as better life as we can, here is a virtual glass of whisky to all of you raise it and love each as much as you can, take care.

I don't think this is a female only issue, so comment away. I think this issue now does affect men too, but I think thats the society we now live in. I don't think this was ever an issue for my Dad or the older men in the family however.

When I went to my hairdressers maybe a month ago, Mr C got his hair done in the adjoining barbers, he just thought it would be a good use of the time while he waited for me. The hairdresser did his eyebrows too, bless him, without evening asking him. I don't think he has ever thought about his eyebrows ever in his life, I think they where fine. He spent the next week looking at them in every mirror and reflection. Which I must admit I found funny, he kept saying 'She didn't even ask me?' Ha! But I think he is over it now, and he probably won't think about them again, unless she is let loose on his hair again.

 

[mikeyB]

I do my own eyebrows, have done for a while. It’s part of the weekly routine beard trim. I’d look a bit daft with bushy eyebrows and a close trimmed beard.

I’ve got every admiration for women who don’t care what folk think if they wear a bikini - but beware of the pernicious press if you’re a ‘celebrity’. They aren’t allowed to be normal. It’s that scorn that causes problems in young women these days.

 

[missclb]

What a great post, thank you for sharing Pheobe. And congrats to all you beautiful women who live completely carefree. And a big shout to all the beautiful women who haven't mastered that, as i'd imagine there's just as many if not more.

Me? I dont really care what other people think – it's actually none of my business; their thoughts / opinions say more about them than they do about me. Plus, nobody else cares. I dont give a monkey's what people around me look like, so why should I waste time wondering how they're judging me?!

I spend a lot of time on long dog walks in the desert or in board shorts on dive trips, so scuba-hair and no makeup is perfectly acceptable to me! lol. In fact, it's where i'm most comfy. BUT all that said, I care about what I think about myself and I can always see where there's room for improvement on the exterior, and am constantly making peace with the fact that there is a divide. When my weight creeps up, I'm definitely less confident. But I think I have a healthy balance – I dont want to loose my drive at keeping fit and working out, and, a few extra pounds always makes me work harder! My body confidence is also in direct relation to how strong i'm feeling – if i've not been working out and feel sluggish and weak, I dont feel good about myself overall.

I wonder if it's a generation thing? Can kids/young adults nowadays can rise above Kardashianism + social mediaism and feel truly body confident and accepted? I dont know if i would be able to navigate the contemporary world while growing up. I'm glad I was born back in the day!

 

[trophywench]

I'm grown up according to biology and Pension rules but I dunno really.

I wish I was more adept with things like internet on mobile phones - but there again mine seems to want me to enter my Google password, which my son-in-law helped me set up years ago when I wanted to buy the Carbs &Cals App but I never found it much help as we don't eat out very much at all so it was a waste of money anyway. Plus the phone screen is far too small for reading forums, or surfing the net, for me. But anyway, there's no 'Forgotten password' option on my phone and because I still have the same email address I can't register again - so that's that.

 

[Northerner]

BUT all that said, I care about what I think about myself and I can always see where there's room for improvement on the exterior, and am constantly making peace with the fact that there is a divide. When my weight creeps up, I'm definitely less confident. But I think I have a healthy balance – I dont want to loose my drive at keeping fit and working out, and, a few extra pounds always makes me work harder! My body confidence is also in direct relation to how strong i'm feeling – if i've not been working out and feel sluggish and weak, I dont feel good about myself overall.

This is me too, I've always been skinny, but as I've got older the appearance of a bit of flabbiness is an indication that I've taken my foot off the gas and perhaps am being less active and not looking after myself as well as I should be, and I know I need to make a bit more effort 🙂

 

[PhoebeC]

With all that walking @Northerner I doubt that is much of an issue.
When I mentioned the amount of walking I do every day to my nurse, she said to be healthy I didn't need anything else, but if i wanted to be slimmer/stronger there was no harm in it.
Slopes have more of an impact on my breathing than I would like.