Being nice

[helli]

I've noticed a few new members have left quickly feeling they are not welcome which has got me thinking about my way of responding.
Those of us who have been around for a while or are familiar with other forums, are used to the banter and disagreements and some blunt responses. But they may not seem helpful to a new member so I going to try to be nicer in my responses. Here are some of my thoughts
- if I notice a first post, I will welcome the newby.
- I will never tell someone they are wrong
- I will emphasise that we are all different

- our experiences are different​

- our desires are different​

- our lifestyles are different​

- our diabetes are different​

- I will not presume my way of managing my diabetes is the only way - there are different ways to deal with the condition
- I will try not to overshare about me me me. I will try to keep my response about the poster
- I will congratulate wins

Does anyone else have any other suggestions?

I know we are a friendly bunch who mean well so find it sad that some miss out ... especially at a time when they need that friendship

 

[Inka]

You’re always very nice anyway @helli 🙂

I think it’s also important not to overwhelm newbies with paragraphs of information. It can be too much. Also, there’s a lot of new ideas and some technical terms to take on board so having them all thrown at you at once can make newbies feel inadequate or stressed or like they ‘don’t speak the language’ of the forum so feel afraid to ‘speak’.

 

[Kaylz]

Don't shame people for ANYTHING
Don't bring irrelevant things into it
just a few of my experiences over the last few days as a well known member xx

 

[mum2westiesGill]

I'm a firm believer of 'if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all 🙂

 

[Felinia]

This made me think. Having been on the receiving end of some harsh comments, I now try to word things more carefully. But I AM guilty of including too much too soon.

 

[Robin]

I tend to plunge straight into answering the question asked, and I realised a while ago that this can come across as quite abrupt. So now I try to reread my post (which I do for typos and autocorrects anyway) and add a 'Wecome to the forum' sentence at the beginning before I hit the reply button.

 

[Christy]

This made me think. Having been on the receiving end of some harsh comments, I now try to word things more carefully. But I AM guilty of including too much too soon.

I do think your posts to new members are very helpful and have a nice friendly tone. Yes, there's quite a lot of info but that's not a bad thing either 🙂

 

[chaoticcar]

I'm a firm believer of 'if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all 🙂

Totally agree ,an old Lancashire saying "" If in doubt say nowt "" !!!
Carol

 

[Maca44]

Totally agree with your post but I don't think anyone of us would intentionally want to put anyone off coming here and being part of this forum. I also think we don't want to feel we need to hold back with information or personal experiences if we think it might help the reader does not have to agree or we are right it is just a personal experience.

Sometimes the facts are something people don't want to hear so we don't want to feel we need to ***** foot about just because some might take it the wrong way.

 

[Lisa66]

Lots of very good points in this thread.

Something as easy as adding a smile at the end of a reply can confirm the friendly tone of a message...especially if it’s just a quick reply.

I also think it’s good to keep an eye out for a newbie that may have been inadvertently overlooked. It must be a bit disheartening, as some may be nervous of joining something new in the first place, to see your “hello” with no replies when others posting at a similar time have numerous replies. 🙂

 

[Cherrelle DUK]

What a lovely thoughtful post, thank you for sharing your feelings on this!

When new people join I try to remember how I felt when I was first diagnosed, scared, anxious and concerned about how I was going to manage moving forward. Many are just given a diagnosis and then left to get on with things so we are literally the first people they've been able to share their concerns with.

Sometimes we get questions that have been asked before or that we may feel are obvious so it's important to keep in mind that managing diabetes is a whole new world for most as it once was for us at the start.

A few words of empathy can go a long way so along with all of the amazing advice that the community provides, it's great when we can also show that extra bit of kindness for our worried newbies.

 

[Lucyr]

These are good points but I think something to add is not to give too much information. Sometimes the responses to a new poster are extremely long and detailed and would overwhelm someone with thinking they need to understand all of this at once and feel overwhelmed at the amount of information. It may be better to stick to one or two key points. Also always add paragraphs to ensure it isn’t a wall of text.

 

[Lucyr]

Lots of very good points in this thread.

Something as easy as adding a smile at the end of a reply can confirm the friendly tone of a message...especially if it’s just a quick reply.

I also think it’s good to keep an eye out for a newbie that may have been inadvertently overlooked. It must be a bit disheartening, as some may be nervous of joining something new in the first place, to see your “hello” with no replies when others posting at a similar time have numerous replies. 🙂

The unanswered threads feature is helpful to check for this.

 

[Piglet]

I've noticed a few new members have left quickly feeling they are not welcome which has got me thinking about my way of responding.
Those of us who have been around for a while or are familiar with other forums, are used to the banter and disagreements and some blunt responses. But they may not seem helpful to a new member so I going to try to be nicer in my responses. Here are some of my thoughts
- if I notice a first post, I will welcome the newby.
- I will never tell someone they are wrong
- I will emphasise that we are all different

- our experiences are different​

- our desires are different​

- our lifestyles are different​

- our diabetes are different​

- I will not presume my way of managing my diabetes is the only way - there are different ways to deal with the condition
- I will try not to overshare about me me me. I will try to keep my response about the poster
- I will congratulate wins

Does anyone else have any other suggestions?

I know we are a friendly bunch who mean well so find it sad that some miss out ... especially at a time when they need that friendship

On my first couple of posts I was made to feel most unwelcome by a couple of well known members. I blocked them. I am still here but am very cautious when I post and keep to similar thoughts as Helli. We should remember that no question is stupid and responses should not criticise or belittle the poster (especially a newbie). We should remember too, the readers of the posts cannot see the smile behind the remark so cannot judge if it is meant jokingly or not. The comments I first received stopped me from posting a question and I hope that one day the answer to my question will appear.

 

[SB2015]

Thanks for starting this thread @helli , and your useful reminders.
There are also many useful suggestions being added.

I know that I sometimes end up giving too much info in response to a first post.
I would back the suggestion of using paragraphs where answering a number
of questions posed, in order to avoid a wall of text…

.. and as @helli said we all need to just be nice to people.
It is so easy for things written to be interpreted in different ways.

 

[Christy]

We should maybe also add that when directing newbies to the "what did I eat yesterday" thread we should indicate that both type 1s & 2s (&3s) post here and so the food choices aren't always applicable to all.