Bad Half Term

[Jacqueline1971]

Half Term is nearly complete and it has been very hard work for both me and my 9 year old Daughter, diagnosed 26/8/09.
High, High, High all week for no apparent reason. Her stress levels have reached boiling point and I have watched her turn from Dr Jekyl into Mr Hyde within seconds.
I usually cope but have to admit that there are still many occasions where it drains me. I do everything for my Daughter, assisting with testing, weighing food (Carb counting) and then injecting because my husband works full time and it has always been easier for me to look after her.
My Husband has had a diabetic in his life before, his first wife was type one and she drove him mad with her mood swings etc. Because of this, he thinks that he is an expert on diabetes and thinks that they can be manipulative and use there illness to purposely wind people up to get there own way.
I tell him that our Daughter has been playing me up because of her high sugar levels and he says that thats what diabetics do, manipulate the system so they can get away with more that usual. I have told him that this is rubbish and that our daughter is far too young to even think of using her illness to wind me up and she can not understand why her body is doing this to her. One minute she will be lovely, the next she is throwing things at me and hitting me. I just wondered what who was right, me or my Husband.

 

[Northerner]

I do think it is very unfair to suggest that your daughter is being manipulative. I'd only agree with that if her levels were nice and steady and mostly within range and she was playing up. Even then, it must be very hard for someone so young to have all this constant attention and possibly fears for her future, so I do think that would be a consideration too. You can't really compare one person's actions to another's as we are all different. Having diabetes in common doesn't mean that a person's reactions and behaviour will be identical, or even similar.

It sounds like you are doing the very best you can for your daughter and I would venture to say that accusing her of using her illness to get away with bad behaviour is just going to confuse her more and make her feel guilty and hateful of her diabetes.

Apologies if that all sounds a bit strong, I couldn't think of a better way to phrase things!

 

[margie]

None of us can say for sure whether your daughter is trying to manipulate you or not. We don't have enough knowledge.

It is, however, unfair to say that all diabetics act in a certain way. That has come from your husband's past experiences. Could you both talk to your daughters consultant or DSN about what is happening - they may be able to convince your husband that not all diabetics manipulate. You know the reason he leaves dealing with your daughters diabetes to you is that he may not have dealt with all the issues in his earlier relationship. I don't know this - just a guess on my part and may be way off base.

If your daughter is not manipulating things then it will be incredibly difficult for her to hear her father say such things and it may even sow seeds in her mind.

I hope that you can find some help and that maybe one of the parents will chime in with some helpful advice.

 

[MeanMom]

Hi Jaqueline

Im sorry you have had such a difficult half term- I think I can imagine what it has been like, unfortunately.

I would doubt very much if your daughter is acting like this on purpose but only you know your daughter. If you can manage to sort out her high levels a bit more I would think her behaviour would improve - I know my daughter can feel very tired and irritable when high.

When you say she has had unexpected highs perhaps she has been growing in which case she would need more insulin, or if her activity levels have been lower over half term?

I would suggest you try and involve her Dad a bit more, I know you say he
works, but so does my OH, but they need to know how to do it in case you arent able to for any reason. My OH does K's breakfast every school day as he is a 'Morning person' and I'm not😉- it also gives them 'bonding time' - is there a meal during the week your hubby can take over?

Will your daughter inject herself at all? My daughter was Dx aged 11 so I know it is different, but she has always injected herself - if you can get your daughter to start learning to do this you might be able to stop going to school at lunch time - she will probably need to inject herself when she gets to high school.

I do feel that your OH's previous experiences have given him a very negative view of D and it is a shame to let it effect his relationship with you both. If he had just a little more to do with your daughters care it would be a great help to you all, IMHO.

O and my daughter sees the psychologist at clinic, if this is available to you perhaps it would help - it does sound like your daughter is struggling to cope with her feelings - don't let it get out of hand - I wouldn't wish the last six months we've had on anyone.

PM me if you want to - (((hugs))) to you all

Xx

 

[Ellie Jones]

Does your daughter lash out at her dad in the same manner as she does with you?

If she doesn't I can see why he perceives that she's being manipulative.

Because from what you are saying her actions are unusual in some respects, normally when a child has high blood glucose levels and displays violent/aggressive behaviour they not normally described as being lovely a minute beforehand... They are normally described as difficult and temperamental etc... And the aggression and violence will be aimed at who's ever around not at one particular person..


I know she's only 9 but she's not daft like any child she would have learnt what is or isn't acceptable behaviour from displaying a behaviour and seeing what happens it's how we all learn right from wrong, what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable behaviour in society...

So she needs to learn doesn't matter how horrible she feels she has to control her anger, throwing and hitting out is unacceptable behaviour..

A good idea would to do an ABC chart, Note down every violent incident, her mood prior, what actually kick off the out burst, who she aimed her behaviour at..

This will help to identify what's going on, Such as does she react differently when dad is about to when you are about..

Then you can work out whether you need to tackle basic anger management with her, or whether you to tackle a manipulative child and if it's the latter don't feel embarrassed about it as all children are manipulative in one way or another..

 

[Medusa]

i'm sorry to hear you have had such a bad week, firstly i always find half term extrememly stressful (i am diabetic but my son is not) and it is nothing to do with diabetes just to do with the fact it is half term, also as activity levels change for a child who isnt at school from term time to half term blood levels will be different because of this, what i'm trying to say is its perfectly normal for half term to throw a spanner in the works, i do agree though that your husband isnt being very helpful and perhaps some re education will help him to act differently

 

[trophywench]

Hiya - I'm stroppy an all when I'm high. Surprises me sometimes, the suddenness of it, when it's that bad. Then of course I do apologise after but I can't prevent myself when it hits me like that. And I'm over 60, not 9. Sympathy!

Dare I ask this - she hasn't got a period brewing, perchance, has she? Can play havoc if she has.

 

[allanfaye]

Your husband is talking out of his back side. If he really knew about diabetes he would be more understanding. It can be very frustrating sometimes getting blood sugars down. May be you never quite corrected enough. Good luck.