Bad diabetic I dont care

[gail2]

I brought a 6 pack of coca cola full fat today Im on my 3rd can and it tastes so good. Im gonna order a pizza off Dominoes tonight as they have a buy one get one free offer Im going to be eating pizza tomorrow as well and I dont care anymore I have had enough. I have for a while been as good as gold taking my meds/insulin etc as prescribed and still my bs is in the 20+ range. Ok I ended up in hospital the other weekend due to self harm. I give up i dont want this anymore have had enough. Feel like stopping all my meds I dont think they are working anymore. Im sorry I know this is whining again but I just feel down I dont know if its the diabetes or my mental health thats f+++ed or maybe they are intertwined. It just cant be good for my bs tobe this high

 

[Andy HB]

Hi Gail, I can't say anything that will make anything better for you.

All I can say is that you know you have friends here who want the best for you.

However, in terms of the proposed blowout, try and have a little one rather than a biggie and keep taking the medication.

Andy 🙂

 

[Copepod]

OK Gail, one thing at a time. Make the 3rd can of coke you last for today, then have one a day with a meal for next three days, or even have a day without coke, if you can. Keep taking medication as prescribed.

It's much easier to see the good or, at least, not so bad aspects of life when your blood sugar isn't in the 20s.

Can you phone your GP / out of hours team / anyone?

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Hi Gail

I'm so sorry you feel like that. You are not a 'bad diabetic' it is just really hard sometimes living with the D gremlins on your shoulder. Trying hard and not seeing much progress is hard, but those numbers would have been much worse without your meds and the effort you put in.

Remember that we are here rooting for you. Keep taking your meds and try to ride out the storm.

Hope the clouds part for you soon.

Mike

 

[hyper-Suze]

Hi Gail ,

I can completely understand exactly where you are coming from. I too have have very dark and down times and yep, been to the shops on purpose to buy my fave and my downfall of sweets, i love chewy sweets, I brought probably ?20 of sweets, and also ice gems and ice cream. I did binge eat all of these things in one sitting but did this on a number of occasions within a short space of time, yep, tipped over the edge into DKA and was admitted to hospital while holding a bottle of cherryade powerade!
Looking back it was rebellion, reluctance to accept and down right self pity and stupidness! I will never forgive myself for seeing my mum in tears and my dad very close to it too. When my boyfriend was the one responsibile for admitting me, he closed his shop up early as I wasn't answering my phone, if he hadn't i'd have been dead so the docs said, I was about hour or so from going too far, at that point of admittance, the doc said he wouldn't be sure if I would pull through and to prepare for the worst. He was given the responsibilty to tell my parents that.

It is really hard I know to get good control, but I have managed to do it and even though we have a different type to each other, the way we feel and the barriers we meet are exactly the same and affect us, no matter how much we try not to let them.

Maybe your sugars are high because you are ill? Have you felt ill, maybe you have a virus/infection. This could be a quite simple reason for your high levels and it is resisting your medication from working effectively?
Do you have or in contact with your DSN?? This forum is a great way to vend and share ones down times but as we are not medical professionals and not aware of your history, can't really give a diagnosis!

If your levels are in the 20's+, your DSN would definately want to work with you to get them lower even if it means more meds. The DSN's know the consequences so would want to prevent a hospital admission!

I hope you are thinking twice about this pizza and I'd urge you to open the other 3 cans of full sugar coke and TIP THEM DOWN THE SINK!

I can't really relate to the mental health side of things, my partner is suffering from health anxiety since xmas, i try my hardest to be a reflective person and think how he is feeling and it is hard as there is no escape from the mind, the mind is such a powerful thing, if only it were like a TV and can be simply turned off!

I hope you get yourself through this and if you need to PM me, I'll reply and chat with pleasure, in the meantime and i know this is so much easier to say than do but chin up!🙂

Suze

 

[margie]

Gail - you have had a few weeks now where you have had successive infections which will make you feel grotty, and they have increased your blood sugars - which will make you feel ill and have a negative affect on your mood. It can be hard coping with diabetes at the best of times never mind having to cope with a complex mental illness - so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I know that you are really fed up with the highs and I think you are thinking well if I am going to be high I might as well enjoy it - but it doesn't have to be that way. You only saw your Dr yesterday it will take a day or so for the meds to start having an effect and then you should see some improvement in your levels.

Is it possible for you to get an out of hours appointment with the GP you like so you can go through how you are feeling.

I think that maybe you should make an appointment with your GP for next week - to make sure that you are over your infection and if not get some more antibiotics. It would also be a good opportunity to talk things through.

Keep posting and venting - none of us mind provided you return the favour one day.
PS - You do care - as if you didn't you wouldn't be posting - you want to find a way forward.

 

[rossi_mac]

Hi Gail,

Sorry you are feeling this way, I don't really know what you are going through or how you feel. But please do take your meds, and try and be that good girl that you can be! As I said I don't know, I have been dealt a different hand to you and again there will be others with another different hand, so come on listen to those that care and your friends and save your treats for another day?

Take care, we do care,

Rossi 🙂

 

[robert@fm]

Gail, please, don't do this to yourself. I know how you feel; before my D diagnosis in July 2000 (which came as no surprise to me, I'd noticed for the previous month that full-sugar drinks were going through me a lot faster than sugar-free) I was cyclothymic, but being put on metformin (and being careful of my food supply) had the surprising and welcome side-effect of putting an end to my hypomanic periods. I still get depressed, however -- and last autumn, having got thoroughly fed-up with a series of high readings, I stopped taking my meds, testing myself, or taking care of my diet. This lasted from sometime in November until February 18, when I attended the clinic at Kings and found that my HbA1c, not surprisingly, had shot up from 6 or so to over 15! 😱 So I got put on insulin (though given the numbers I was getting in autumn, this probably would have happened anyway) and the last time my HbA1c was tested (in April) it was down to 10.something -- not ideal but an improvement.

You can pull through, you just need to have faith in yourself. I've never posted this before but as another member in a similar position, you have often been in my thoughts. Posts of yours have shown that you still have a sense of humour, which is important.

 

[Sheilagh1958]

Gail sending you big hugs [[[[[[[[[[[🙂]]]]]]]]]]

 

[Catwoman76]

I brought a 6 pack of coca cola full fat today Im on my 3rd can and it tastes so good. Im gonna order a pizza off Dominoes tonight as they have a buy one get one free offer Im going to be eating pizza tomorrow as well and I dont care anymore I have had enough. I have for a while been as good as gold taking my meds/insulin etc as prescribed and still my bs is in the 20+ range. Ok I ended up in hospital the other weekend due to self harm. I give up i dont want this anymore have had enough. Feel like stopping all my meds I dont think they are working anymore. Im sorry I know this is whining again but I just feel down I dont know if its the diabetes or my mental health thats f+++ed or maybe they are intertwined. It just cant be good for my bs tobe this high

Dear gail I'm sure lots of people have gone through this sort of thing, but you need to take it in moderation. Please try and look after yourself, i know you are feeling like s*** at the moment, and feeling down, but bingeing isn't the answer. Could you see your doctor about changing your meds to help with the blood sugars. If your BS is high alot of the time then your bound to be thirsty. Having a treat is great, now and then.
Take care dear friend, Thanks for the email, but I am having trouble with the outbox trying to send texts. Lots of love Sheena xxxx