Awful Week

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SilentAssassin1642

SilentAssassin1642

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
So the past week has been pretty awful. I mean really awful. And in all honesty I can't see things looking up at any time soon!

I'm going to admit something to you all now - and that is for the past three weeks, whilst at work, I have been smoking again. I know it was stupid. But as soon as things hit rock bottom with the stalker I was offered a smoke at work and I took it. It was a mistake. I don't know if it was my mind playing tricks on me but my feet would hurt. I'm not smoking now though, I can't afford to can I? Not with these dodgy feet, not if I want to dig again.

And now, I am just incredibly hacked off with everything. I lost my job last week (Thursday), the contract ended. I am out of a job. AGAIN. I'm going all out this time round with the job hunt, I don't care anymore. But the problem being is that I'm "overqualified". I think its got to the stage where I will do what everyone is going to say I should do...but I can't even bring myself to say it...

And then when I found out about Danni. That just took the biscuit.

Levels since then have been awful. Too many double figured numbers, no matter if I'm doing things exactly like I have been for the past however long. Carb counting when stressed? It doesn't seem to work for me. Take the other morning - 5.9, had my usual 30g serving of porridge and my normal 7u insulin. Two hours later I was at 15.9 and still rising. This morning I woke on 14.9 too, completely out of nowhere.

And now, to make matters worse, I have all these people telling me my OH is bad for me, that all he is doing is 'take take take' which is totally WRONG.

I hate this. I hate it so much. I think I need to just take a break from the internet. From everything to be honest with you. I just want to forget i have diabetes

Some people may say I have depression with all of this, but I know full well I don't. Things get to people, and with me its just all happened at once.

FML
 
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Oh darling. I wish I could be there to give you the big hug you obviously need. I wish too that there was some magic wand I could wave over all of us and make it all go away. Don't listen to those people telling you your man is wrong for you. They don't know what he means to you and what he does for you. And you stay off them fags you hear? You don't need em.

(((HUGS)))
 
ugh sam!!!

stress does stupid things to levels, so that could be what's making your levels rise. give it a few days and see if it levels out - remember i wrote a blog about how i can't get my numbers down? after about 5 or 6 days they dropped back to normal.

as alison said, ignore what people are saying about your OH. they're not in your relationship, so they have no idea. i have a lot of people saying the same about my OH.

stay off the smokes (and text me if you need me to distract you from thinking about smoking!!!!)

much love and hugs xxxxxxxxxx
 
Sorry to hear you've had such a tough week Sam. Take no notice of those who are criticising Matt, it's pretty clear to me that he cares very deeply for you and has always been there for you. Pay no attention to those who would like to bring you down - save your energies for all the wonderful things you do so well 😉
 
ta guys, I get so annoyed when people say nasty things about Matt - they don't know him and they don't know how he's gotten me through some really bad times. It just adds to the stress. And to the levels shooting up too! Since moving in with matt, life might have been hard but I'm happy. We make each other happy and I don't know what I would do without him - we have so many plans and it just annoys me, no ANGERS me when people try to get in the way of it all.

The fact that the contract is over just gets to me even more. According to the unit director it could be ages until there's a new project, and I'n "overqualified" for shop work nowadays :( a trip to the place that shall not be named is in order i think :(

There's just...no motivation at the moment. I'm stressing so bad over money, as I had to fork out for new glasses the other day, have dd after dd coming out of my account and have to pay for the cscs card on the paperwork in the next few days too. Its all rubbish
 
can you go through another agency just for the moment to find some work? even if it's doing support work or something - just to keep the ball rolling? i know you don't want to, but at least having money coming in would help?

might be worth at least going to the place that shall not be named as a back up xx
 
shiv said:
can you go through another agency just for the moment to find some work? even if it's doing support work or something - just to keep the ball rolling? i know you don't want to, but at least having money coming in would help?

might be worth at least going to the place that shall not be named as a back up xx
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yep, I'm thinking I might swing into office angels next week and just ask if there's anything they can do. There are plenty of agencies in town. Also applying for museum work in winchester - its not archaeology but it'll do for now until a new digging contract comes up. I've also emailed wessex to see what the heck they're playing at.

But still. I don't want to go to the place that shall not be named, but they're there to help I suppose. That's a tuesday thing. It's just...nmy pride is taking a battering right now and this will batter it even more so :(
 
oh believe me i know exactly how you feel. i refused to go when i was out of work a couple of years ago. thankfully i found work after 6 weeks so it wasn't too bad, but i almost didn't even consider it an option for the pride factor!
 
shiv said:
oh believe me i know exactly how you feel. i refused to go when i was out of work a couple of years ago. thankfully i found work after 6 weeks so it wasn't too bad, but i almost didn't even consider it an option for the pride factor!
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ooooh it will batter the pride and then deep fry it :(

It's just over the past fe days ive been utterly berated for refusing to go onto the thing that shall not be named, I think I'm going to do it just to shut people up :(

It's all rubbish I tell you. Life is rubbish. Why can't i be back at primary school again, no worries or cares? :(
 
Hi, I hope things are getting better for you. I know the problem in looking for jobs, I was told loads of times I was overqualified or had too much experience. Then I got a job I like and am happy with.

Also ignore all the things other people say about your other half. If I'd listened to all the thongs people said about my hubby we would never have got married in the first place, and we have been married for almost 30 years! It's your relationship, so the two important people are you and he.
 
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