at my wits end :(

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zanyangel

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hi boys and girls.. i have just joined this site.. don't know what i'm doing as i have never used one of these before.. my son was 8 when he was diagnosed with diabetes.. he is now almost 21 and wants to die, so much so he took an overdose of insulin on sunday night. his plan was to take it and hopefully fall into shock and die.. it didn't work thank god but he had a major seizure last night and now the hosp think he could be epileptic due to his constant low sugar levels. He refuses to check his blood levels and often misses his insulin or just simply won't eat. The ambulance crew have just left tonight.. another major hypo.

I am really scared and at my wits end.. i can not bury my child!! When he has his hypos he gets really violent.. i have been punched and pushed about whilst his girlfriend has been strangled and pushed.. of course he is ever so sorry and ashamed for his behaviour.. he is embarrassed beyond belief. He has dropped out of uni because he does not like to have hypos around any of his friends. He does not want anyone knowing he is diabetic.

I am trying to find online chat rooms or something else so that he can talk to someone without knowing them, if you know what i mean. He is not a great talker about his feelings but hopefully online chatting will help.

If there is a support group for parents of kids that would be great as well. I really don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for the long msg.. just getting this off my chest has helped.

Xanthe' :(
 
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Hi Xanthe'. welcome to the forum. So sorry to hear of your son's problems :( We have a lot of members here around his age and older who have been through periods of self-destruction and rebellion against their diabetes, and I am sure they will do all they can to help by sharing their own experiences. We also have some wonderful parents here that will offer you all the support they can. Some other resources that may help are:

Children With Diabetes website and email list - really excellent group of over 400 UK parents with Type 1 children (of all ages!)

http://www.childrenwithdiabetesuk.org/

A superb book covering all aspects of living with Type 1:

Type 1 Diabetes in Children, Adolescents and Young Adults by Ragnar Hanas.

Diabetes UK Careline:

http://www.diabetes.org.uk/How_we_help/Careline/

Circle D, a collection of social groups for Type1 people aged 18-30. These people are wonderful, and if there is a group near where you live he would be very welcome I'm sure:

http://www.circledrocks.co.uk/

Also on Facebook at:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5991109793

If he would like to join here he will be more than welcome. He can just read the experiences of others if he wishes or post his own thoughts and questions - it would be entirely up to him how much he wishes to participate. Does he know anyone else with Type 1? It can help tremendously in removing that feeling of isolation that many people feel, particularly when they are at that stage of their life when everything is changing and they are trying to get to grips with the adult world.

Please feel free to ask any questions you may have - nothing is considered 'silly'! 🙂 I look forward to hearing more from you, and hopefully we can help you and your son towards a brighter and happier future.
 
Hi xanthe. Welcome 🙂

Your situation is clearly very distressing and I hope you're getting all the professional backup you need.

Has your son been assessed by a MH team ?

It's not unusual for diabetics to struggle with the feelings that it can arouse. There's obviously not much we can suggest medically, but we can read as much as you or your son want to write and offer empathy and understanding.

If your son could gain some proper control, so he lowers the risks of hypos and the triggers for his depression, do you think that may help him to cope better ?

Knowing your enemy can often mean controlling it. That may just take some of the fear and self-loathing away.

Rob
 
Hi,

That is an unfortunate situation........

I believe getting him talking with others in his position is the best way forward, so maybe joining here is a good place to start. I would love to talk about it all with him........

I hope he signs up.........🙂
 
zanyangel said:
He has dropped out of uni because he does not like to have hypos around any of his friends. He does not want anyone knowing he is diabetic.

I am trying to find online chat rooms or something else so that he can talk to someone without knowing them, if you know what i mean. He is not a great talker about his feelings but hopefully online chatting will help.
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Hi Xanthe (and son if reading)

Just a comment about Uni - although I was diagnosed as a young adult (30 years old), I can compare 2 experiences of uni, as I did my BSc before diagnosis, then MSc after, partly to improve my employment prospects, which had been dashed by diagnosis (because I did Marine Biology, and professional SCUBA diving became impossible). I didn't want to explain to people about diabetes, so ensured that I tested & injected in private and ate whenever I needed, including very occasionally discretely eating muesli bars during 2 hour lectures. I didn't tell any students, although did tell lecturers, in case I needed any extra time to deal with blood sugars during 3 hour exams, but I didn't need any special arrangements. It's only really possible to keep diabetes private if you are very well controlled.

I think you're right about online support - internet was in its infancy when I was diagnosed, but more recently, I've used it lots for all sorts of reasons, not just diabetes, as there's far more to life than diabetes. I realise your son is in a very bad way, but is there anything that gives him pleasure eg pet, TV programme, supporting a sports team, sports participation, dance, music, photography, art etc? It might help to join a discussion board for one of his interests, before getting into diabetes discussion.
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Hi Zanyangel

So sorry to hear of you and your son's situation.

The mental and emotional pressure of diabetes (both for the diabetic and everyone close to them) is almost always massively underestimated, and usually goes untreated.

Rage, dispair, anger, guilt, depression, burnout and rebellion are common themes.

It is not your fault. It is not his fault. It is not fair. You are not alone.

There is a way forward. Do not lose hope.

He can control this thing. It is not easy, and it won't happen all at once. It will take effort, patience and more determination than either of you believe you possess.

But you can do it.

This is a fight you can win.

Start small and take one tiny step at a time.
 
Hi xanthe

So sorry to hear of your sons situation it must be so hard for all of you involved, we will try and help where we can and at least you can now use this place as an outlet, as has already been mentioned theres a few people on here around your sons age group so maybe if he uses facebook or anything like that then maybe those can share details with your son.
 
Hi Xanthe (beautiful name by the way, it's one of my neices middle name and I understand it's Greek for 'golden haired one') and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear of the trouble you are going through at the moment with your son. I have a 21 year old son too, and although he's not diabetic I can only imagine the way you are feeling right now. I can't offer any words of wisdom, but you have had some helpful comments already. Maybe your son would join here and at least read some of the experiences of other young people who have gone through what he's going through. I'm sending you all my love and I sincerely hope things improve for you all soon. Take care. XXXX
 
Hi Xanthe. So sorry to hear about your Son. I am 23 and am at uni at the moment. I understand how your son feels, diabetes is very difficult to cope with at times. I went through a period of depression and am now treated for anxiety disorder.

Sometimes I want to run away and hide and cry a lot without any really reason. Before I went to my GP about things, I contempated an overdose of insulin several times as well as thinking of otherways to end things. I realised that I needed to talk to someone and went to see my GP.

At the time, and even now sometimes, I felt my life wasn't worth living, someone was against me and I didn't deserve to live because I was so rubbish at everything. Hypos make these feelings much, much worse and when I am hypo I often panic and have scary thoughts but I usually manage to tell myself now that it is not "me" that is talking but "the hypo" that is making me say those things and I force myself to hang on until I am high enough to think more clearly.

I would love to speak to you and your son, if you think it would help to talk to someone. If you want to talk please feel free to pm me. It is very hard to talk about things like this but it does help xx

Sending you hugs xx Natalie

PS. your son shouldn't be embarrased by his behaviour when he is hypo, it is normal to behave differently and not unusual to become violent.
 
Welcome to the forum Xanthe

So sorry to hear about your son's situation. I'm also 21 and have been diagnosed for just under 2 years. I found reading a lot of blogs from people with Diabetes and this forum a great help so now my depressed days are few and far between xx
 
Welcome Xanthe

I had wondered (like Robster) whether he had been assessed by a MH team.

You sound like you are reeling and finding it hard to cope yourself. Your anxious because you can see he is out of control and you don't know what will happen next. Does your son have any close friends of many years standing who could try and help him - he might find it easier coming from someone else.

If you just feel you need to scream in the computer - just come and have a rant - there is someone around most of the time.
 
Welcome Xanthe, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have never been in the unfortunate situation you are in, but know that here you will find the most wonderful support system you need to cope with this. Hang in there 🙂
 
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