apologies for another post about this but I feel extremely vulnerable

[AJLang]

Received letter from neurosurgeon today. Extracts include:
nerve conduction studies which show severe sensory and motor peripheral neuropathy consistent with known diagnosis of diabetes
MRI of cervical spine shows a disc at C5/C6 level which is abutting the cord effacing the CSF space around the cord. The [spinal] cord is flattened and there may be some signal change within the cord itself.
C5/C6 ACDE operation discussed but I cannot guarantee that that will improve your symptoms as there may be some overlay of the diabetic neuropathy as well.
It may also be that the paralysis is caused by the C5/C6 disc but again there is no guarantee of this.

Obviously this is in addition to my other health issues.
I'm so trying to embrace each day at a time but worried sick with the symptoms of this that are getting worse along with the changes to PIP as we're also reliant on carer's allowance. I ftry tofight so hard but never seem to win anymore.

 

[gail2]

dont know wot to say hun am sending you lots of love and hugs Wish i could do more
love gail

 

[rebrascora]

It is totally understandable that you feel anxious and vulnerable Amanda. There is so much happening that is out of your control and that must be really scary. I think all you can do is take one day at a time and try to focus on whatever good things you can do and ignore the bad stuff that you can't do anything about.
I am not medically trained so I can't comment on all the technical stuff in your post but I wonder if a second opinion of a highly qualified professional might help you in terms of accepting the decision you have made not to go for the surgery or perhaps change your mind.
Much as we would love to, none of us can change the bad luck you have been dealt health wise, but I am sure we can all greatly sympathise with your horrendous situation and I honestly think that you are an incredibly strong person mentally to cope with it as well as you are, but totally understandable that the impact of it will keep hitting you in waves. Hopefully you will gradually get better at dealing with those waves of vulnerability which I imagine are very similar to grief but it will take time as all grief takes time to process.
Sending (((HUGS))) as I have nothing else to offer except to say that we are here to listen and empathise. XX

 

[grovesy]

Sending you more cyber hugs.

 

[Inka]

I think a second opinion is a really good idea. Also, sometimes writing things down - pros and cons, definitely nots, priorities, etc - helps you get clear in your mind about the best way forward for you.

Wishing you the best as always. You deserve some luck and I really hope something helps you even if only a tiny bit x

 

[silver minion]

So sorry that the letter has confirmed your fears that your neuropathy and spinal issues will not improve.
You have had such a lot on your plate it's not surprising you feel vulnerable and anxious.
As Barbara said, you need to give yourself time to deal with the impact both emotionally and practically. Try not to worry about the PIP changes at the moment. Easier said than done, but focus on you and your family 's wellbeing. You have shown a lot of resilience and have the support of people here too.
Sending you much love xx

 

[AJLang]

Thank you very much everyone, your support and suggestions are very appreciated.
I also value the suggestions about getting a second opinion. However, it's at times like this that I put on my "PhD/academic researcher" head and trawl through all of the literature to help guide me. My conclusion is that my body is not strong enough to have surgery that takes a minimum of 6-12 month recovery, no guarantee of success or preventing further surgery, it won't reverse what's already happened plus the risks associated with the actual time in the operating theatre. Nothing that I've read contradicts what the neurosurgeon said so I need to focus on managing the symptoms and dealing with minimising the fear of how it may all progress. Obviously I will keep an open mind if things worsen. I just need to remain as positive as I can xxx

 

[Thebearcametoo]

Much love to you. You have a good grasp of the science which makes it very stark for you (sometimes ignorance gives us a buffer). You don’t need a second opinion about the surgery but do talk to your GP about how you feel about it all and see if there is any support they can give, whether a visit from OT is helpful to see if there’s anything around the house that can make life easier or which you might need in the future. It can help you to cope if you can see you may have options further down the line to make life easier even if you can’t do anything much about the medical side. And please don’t apologise for starting a thread. One of the joys of forums is there’s always someone here and it’s by choice so anyone who clicks on your threads wants to be there and to support you.

 

[Lucyr]

I'm so trying to embrace each day at a time but worried sick with the symptoms of this that are getting worse along with the changes to PIP as we're also reliant on carer's allowance.

You’ll be fine with the pip changes, if you need a carer then you’ll get 4 points in one item for needing a carer help and you’ll keep your pip.

It’s people like me that will lose pip, I get 4 points for mobility as can’t walk 200m, which means already no mobility award. For daily living I get 2 points in 4 categories but don’t score 4 points in any category, because whilst I need assistive devices I don’t need a carer. That means today I get standard daily living only, which I spend on taxis. From the changes coming in I’ll stop getting anything. People who need a carer to help with daily living tasks should continue receiveing though

 

[AndBreathe]

@AJLang - It must all feel very stark reading this in black and white. A discussion is different, and I think sometimes our brains protect us from the hard stuff by making some of those conversations a bit fuzzy and grey in memory.

Were you talking to my OH just now, he would be very sympathetic to your plight, but he would also ask you what changed today from yesterday, aside from words on a page. He would also suggest you put the letter somewhere safe, and accessible, but just to take a day or two to get over the body blow of the black and white.

I think you are very brave to take the decision to reject surgery at this point. I'd be inclined to think were I in your shoes, I'd want the surgery, but I'm not sure my decision would necessarily be based on the a sensible and rational thought process. You are a strong woman.

Take it steady AJ. You have had a lot on your plate for a long time, and now more, but you'll handle it in your own way. I truly believe that.