Hi...I really struggled after baby number 1 - don't know whether it was the 'chicken' or 'egg' as it were, but I also had post natal depression (I was extremely anxious about baby, so stressed after the intense pregnancy, then he was premmie & poorly too & struggled with feeding). They had initially told me to 'run high so as to avoid going hypo & accidentally smothering the baby' which didn't help either my control or mental state in hindsight lol! 😱 It also felt like after the 'can't move for HCPs' feeling of the pregnancy, suddenly you were left entirely alone, struggling with everything, with fluctuating BG levels/insulin needs due to hormone changes, sleep deprivation, stress, general busy-mumness etc - a time when at least the odd bit of supportive contact would have been vastly appreciated. I personally didn't have a strong support network around (OH is adopted & my mum died when I was a kid) so on all fronts it felt like solo mountaineering! (I also only realised I had pnd at 8 months but we'd had to give up on breast feeding far earlier).
So in summary, not saying you've got PND or anything, but yes, I struggled after baby number 1, in pretty much every sense! 😱 For what it's worth, life post baby 2 has been just as hectic but somehow much easier to deal witht the baby side of things at least - it's not all new & scary lol.
The post baby control challenges I found - 1) When you have a baby, the immediate instinct is baby comes first...but if baby is crying & you need to do a BG test, or carb count or eat, do it! Baby will last another minute or two whilst you sort yourself out & you'll both be better off if your control is better. (For me actually sitting down & eating started to feel like mission impossible!) 2) Life is chaotic - routine goes to pot...and the last thing on your mind is writing results down & looking for patterns...maybe try & get your OH to ringfence 10 mins an evening when you can look through the results on your meter & write them down then instead? (Honestly, I will try this myself one day lol)...and 3) dawn phenomenon hit me...swinging high BGs from the morning, screwing up the day before it had begun...and apparently the only effective way to address DP is with a pump - but the good news is as far as my doc is concerned DP means you should get a pump!
Not sure if the above is any help, but I can relate to how you feel = it is hard work but you're not alone - we're here for moral support & I'd defintely recommend you get on the phone to your DSN for support if you feel that would help - maybe just ask them to 'touch' base over the phone once a fortnight or something to see how things are going... I know what I'm like & that would probably give me a bit of a nudge/excuse to prioritise testing & recording a bit more! 😱
I'd also just say try to get your OH to help if you can...not always easy I appreciate but you need a bit of tlc too.
All the best (& sorry if this is a bit random - baby no1 is now a big lad & creating havoc, ruining my concentration lol!).
Take care,
Twitchy xx