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Anxiety

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D

Daisynova

New Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
I’m t1D but my 14yo daughter was dx earlier this year. I didn’t spot the symptoms until she was firmly in DKA and we were told she had hours left to live had we not made it to the hospital that night. She’s been great and has handled injections then the move to HCL. Since diagnosis she has had a nasty accident for which she’s been left with a foot long scar on her leg (we are suing the company responsible); then she’s had Covid and quickly followed by laryngitis. The poor kid can’t catch a break.

Anyway yesterday she had a massive meltdown at school to the point they considered taking her to A&E. She feels judged by everyone, thinks people are stating, saying she’s eaten too many sweets so got diabetes, she says she’s can’t concentrate in school as her head won’t be quiet and she’s frightened she’s failing at everything. She’s suffering nightmares and is catastrophising. School say she has trauma from her diagnosis and I’m trying to get her urgent counselling but what else can I do to support and help her? This has escalated so fast my head is spinning and to be honest, whilst this is not about me, my own head and heart are hurting as bad as she is. It just all feels so unfair. How do I help her when I agree it is just so horrible?
 
Sorry to hear that @Daisynova A Type 1 diagnosis is hard. I remember feeling a huge amount of anger and upset. Does she have a Libre? Is she on injections or a pump?

First, I’d find out if any comments have been made at school, either directly to her or in her hearing. I’d also see if the school could get Diabetes U.K. or her DSN in to give a talk - a positive talk about Type 1.

Second, I’d consider putting her on a reduced timetable at school, ie she only goes P/T for a while if she thinks that will help. I’d then find out exactly what she’s worried about: complications? hypos? DKA? Her team should have psychological help available.

Finally, I’d focus on subtle messages about your own Type 1. Always be cheery about it (even if you’re not) and model the behaviour you hope to see in your daughter eventually. Sometimes children pick up on our stress even if we think we’re concealing it. They overhear things, they watch our faces. Try to re-frame things in a positive way. It might also help if your daughter can speak to other teens with Type 1. See if her team have a buddy scheme.
 
Thanks Inka,

She’s on a pump with Dexcom. There has been a bit of “diabetic freak” aimed at her which is being dealt with by school and we have suggested the year group are given a talk about T1D. The comments tipped her over the edge but it’s everything else that’s getting to her.

I’ve asked her hospital team for counselling so hopefully that happens soon. I just need to find the strategies to make it less chaotic in her head as well as doing the same for myself. I feel so angry she has the same condition as me and though I’m very comfortable with my own diabetes, I’m not with her having it. Quite frankly it sucks.

She won’t speak to anyone else with diabetes but I agree I need to monitor my language and behaviour around it. I get worried when she’s running high but when I’m running high, it’s less of a big deal. I need to change that. Thank you for helping - all tips and advice gratefully welcomed x
 
It must be very hard when it’s your child @Daisynova I think just listening to her and allowing her to be angry and upset - ie validating her feelings - can help. But I’d be down on the school like a ton of bricks! They should be ashamed that their student(s) are saying things like that. By that age, they should all have understanding of differences, and that fact they’d make a comment like that is disgraceful.
 
DIABETIES IN ANY FORM ,CAN BE A TOTAL NIGHTMARE , AS A KID OF 12 NOW NEARLY 79 TRY TRY VERY HARD TO FIND A LOCAL GROUP ..
OR ANOTHER FAMILY WITH CHILDREN WHO HAVE DIABEITIES I GREW UP WITH 40 OF THEM IN PALINGWICH HOUSE HAMMERSMITH W6 WE ALL GAVE OUR STAFF GREIF BUT BUT WE LEARNED AS WE GREW OLDER AND IT WAS VERY BACIC KID ARE TOUGH BUT CA BE GREAT TO LEARN TRY TO BE EASY . AND KEEP A DIARY WHAT HAPPENS AND THEN WHY ,,,DO HOPE YOU HAVE SOME BETTER DAYS VIC 67 INSULIN MARRIED 2 KID S WELL ADULTS NOW
 
You can use the team psychologist as well don’t forget.

She’s had a lot happen and it’s very normal to have anxiety because of it and that’s really not helped by comments from other kids. I hope school get a handle on it. I would, as has been said above, look at her being on a reduced timetable if necessary or being in the quiet room as much as needed. Does she have an ECHP? There are lots of ways for schools to deal with anxiety and it should be easy for them to come up with strategies to help.

If she can wear her ‘I can eat sweets because they’re medicine’ excuse as a badge of honour so she can eat in class that would help.


Please forgive yourself for not spotting the signs. You’re a parent not a doctor and even though you have T1D dealing with it daily is a lot different to pre-diagnosis. ‘She had hours left to live’ well hours could cover a lot of variation and whoever said that could be wrong. You did get help and treatment so *shrug*.


Mainly though, don’t panic just because she’s panicking. She’s had one meltdown. Yes it may be a sign of deeper issues. Or she may just have been having a bad day.

Our experience with getting urgent help when my kid was self harming (he’s mostly fine now) it took about 3 weeks to get to see the team psychologist and err more than 6 months for CAMHS to get back to us.

One of the things I use with my kid is to say that anxiety attacks or self harming or any of those things are the canary in the coal mine. They’re a sign of something being wrong but they themselves are neutral. They’re like a storm and will pass. We have a toolbox things he can reach for. There are guided medications on YouTube, apps like Headspace etc. There are breathing exercise - look at things like square breathing. There are apps like Calm Harm which have lots of coping mechanisms on them. What are the things that soothe her? Drawing, sports, animal handing, being in water, baking? Throwing ice against a patio or wall is a good stress release. Stress balls, stress toys etc can be helpful. Gather together as many ideas as you can while she’s not in crisis and remind her of them when she’s having difficulties.

It may be that she needs access to headphones and music or stories while at school. It may be that the kids who have been commenting need a poke in the eye (she can have thoughts of violence as long as she doesn’t act on them).
 
Inka said:
It must be very hard when it’s your child @Daisynova I think just listening to her and allowing her to be angry and upset - ie validating her feelings - can help. But I’d be down on the school like a ton of bricks! They should be ashamed that their student(s) are saying things like that. By that age, they should all have understanding of differences, and that fact they’d make a comment like that is disgraceful.
Click to expand...
To be fair to school, they are not taking the name calling lightly at all. The girl will be given the benefit of the doubt this time but she makes one more comment she will be suspended.
 
VICTOR HILL said:
DIABETIES IN ANY FORM ,CAN BE A TOTAL NIGHTMARE , AS A KID OF 12 NOW NEARLY 79 TRY TRY VERY HARD TO FIND A LOCAL GROUP ..
OR ANOTHER FAMILY WITH CHILDREN WHO HAVE DIABEITIES I GREW UP WITH 40 OF THEM IN PALINGWICH HOUSE HAMMERSMITH W6 WE ALL GAVE OUR STAFF GREIF BUT BUT WE LEARNED AS WE GREW OLDER AND IT WAS VERY BACIC KID ARE TOUGH BUT CA BE GREAT TO LEARN TRY TO BE EASY . AND KEEP A DIARY WHAT HAPPENS AND THEN WHY ,,,DO HOPE YOU HAVE SOME BETTER DAYS VIC 67 INSULIN MARRIED 2 KID S WELL ADULTS NOW
Click to expand...
She doesn’t want to speak to anyone else with diabetes just now though I reckon that’s exactly what she needs.
 
Thebearcametoo said:
You can use the team psychologist as well don’t forget.

She’s had a lot happen and it’s very normal to have anxiety because of it and that’s really not helped by comments from other kids. I hope school get a handle on it. I would, as has been said above, look at her being on a reduced timetable if necessary or being in the quiet room as much as needed. Does she have an ECHP? There are lots of ways for schools to deal with anxiety and it should be easy for them to come up with strategies to help.

If she can wear her ‘I can eat sweets because they’re medicine’ excuse as a badge of honour so she can eat in class that would help.


Please forgive yourself for not spotting the signs. You’re a parent not a doctor and even though you have T1D dealing with it daily is a lot different to pre-diagnosis. ‘She had hours left to live’ well hours could cover a lot of variation and whoever said that could be wrong. You did get help and treatment so *shrug*.


Mainly though, don’t panic just because she’s panicking. She’s had one meltdown. Yes it may be a sign of deeper issues. Or she may just have been having a bad day.

Our experience with getting urgent help when my kid was self harming (he’s mostly fine now) it took about 3 weeks to get to see the team psychologist and err more than 6 months for CAMHS to get back to us.

One of the things I use with my kid is to say that anxiety attacks or self harming or any of those things are the canary in the coal mine. They’re a sign of something being wrong but they themselves are neutral. They’re like a storm and will pass. We have a toolbox things he can reach for. There are guided medications on YouTube, apps like Headspace etc. There are breathing exercise - look at things like square breathing. There are apps like Calm Harm which have lots of coping mechanisms on them. What are the things that soothe her? Drawing, sports, animal handing, being in water, baking? Throwing ice against a patio or wall is a good stress release. Stress balls, stress toys etc can be helpful. Gather together as many ideas as you can while she’s not in crisis and remind her of them when she’s having difficulties.

It may be that she needs access to headphones and music or stories while at school. It may be that the kids who have been commenting need a poke in the eye (she can have thoughts of violence as long as she doesn’t act on them).
Click to expand...
I honestly could hug you just now! I have advocated violence against the mean kids but told her to think it, not do it!

I didn’t think about trying apps so I will suggest that.

The meltdown was just the tip of the iceberg really - she’s been having huge meltdowns for weeks but this was the worst one. We had already spoken to school the day before so they were aware that at home she was struggling. I think she’s pretty good at masking it at school but one teacher being kind “allowed” her to let it all out. She slept for the first time in weeks after it.

And I know I didn’t do anything wrong but the guilt is a killer. I probably need to throw ice at a wall too. Thank you so much for the advice - I’m going to save this xxx
 
I'm so sorry to hear this. My son does not have diabetes however he has been struggling at school and had suffered a lot of trauma in his short life and a lot of his presentations sound very similar to your daughter's.

It's so hard to navigate and to find the right right way to give support and to feel you're giving enough support sometimes.

It's good to hear school are being proactive but don't stop pushing them off you feel they could be doing more. I've been on at my son's school since he started there a year or so ago, politely but assertively, and they've put a lot of positive measures on for him now.

It does really sound like your daughter would benefit from talking to someone but again, I know the challenge you face. My son simply won't talk to anyone, he never has, not even my wife or I. I'm a trained Childline counsellor sand I have tried so the tools in my box to get him to open up a bit but he just won't.

Actually that's a possible suggestion. She could call Childline. They're brilliant and she may find speaking to a stranger easier. They do online chat these days too which kids often find less intimidating.

For you, just keep letting her know your there and are always available to talk - even if she doesn't want to set the moment the reassurance can help. I also find my son responds well to positive messaging so I am always telling him I'm proud of him and that he's doing really well despite him finding life difficult.

As for school, they could put your daughter on the SEN register under the mental health category. This doesn't need any Dr intervention and I've found this is helping my son as it makes all teachers aware to keep an eye on him and to check in on him which they've been doing brilliantly.

Can't think of anything else at the moment but if I do I'll pop it up.

I really hope things improve and your daughter gets to a better space.
 
So sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis and all of the additional blows and knocks she has had while staggering from that first impact.

Diabetes diagnosis can be a real rollercoaster. A form for grief. Overwhelming and incapacitating. There's nothing unusual or unexpected in how she is feeling, really.

But things will get better for her, she just needs to know that. One day her T1 will just be a slightly irritating houseguest, who has no manners and no self-awareness, barging in and demanding things or loudly complaining. But just a slight annoyance, not an overwhelming all-consuming burden.

As for the bumps along the road - the good BG days, the rubbish BG days, the silly comments? Those things are just things. They can be observed, acknowledged, and allowed to pass by. I like the illustration of these things being like clouds in the 'sky' of our mind. Some big, some small. Some light and fluffy, others dark and scary. But they pass by. The sky remains.
 
o just though . DO NOT FORGET SHYNESS i was but had to grow up home in SUFFOLK by my parents TO LONDON DOCS ADVICE advice
HIDE IN THE CAR TO DO INJECTIONS OK NOW VIC
 
How has she been today?
 
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