Am I really that stupid?

[zoombapup]

The answer, it appears is yes.

So I had a busy day today, lots of running around trying to sort out issues in the morning, followed by an afternoon research meeting. So I went out at lunch and had a walk to morrisons to get something. My initial plan this morning was to skip lunch and only have dinner, but I'd started feeling bored so went to morrisons for a walk as much as anything to eat.

While I was at morrisons, I bought a mini quiche and a bag of peanuts and some diet coke.

Anyway, long story short, I got home later after the meeting and scoffed the whole bag of dry roast peanuts. A full 2600 calories worth!

I mean, at this point it's like there's a deathwish and I'm just making these stupid bloody choices for no real reason.

It's not so much the calories that's an issue, I can always fast for a bit longer and ride those out. But this kind of decision making is really toxic and it felt like I'd just hit the self destruct button for no discernable reason. I find myself doing it and sometimes it's like I'm watching my own train wreck you know?

Apologies for the rant. I mean I know that we all have dark thoughts and do daft things. But I *do* know better now. At least before diagnosis I could pretend to myself that my self destructive behavior was just "normal" for me. Now I know better and I still pull this...

I guess tomorrow I'll have to do a proper fast and only eat for dinner with a light salad. Luckily I've got meetings all day (we're interviewing our potential deputy boss), so not like I can do anything stupid while I'm trapped at least.

Super frustrated with myself.

 

[Kaylz]

Don't beat yourself up

I'm the opposite the last few days and have only eaten because its healthier to, since Bruce's seizure I haven't felt like eating at all and have been quite withdrawn and just wanting to burst into tears lol

Tomorrows a new day 🙂
xx

 

[Sharron1]

The answer, it appears is yes.

So I had a busy day today, lots of running around trying to sort out issues in the morning, followed by an afternoon research meeting. So I went out at lunch and had a walk to morrisons to get something. My initial plan this morning was to skip lunch and only have dinner, but I'd started feeling bored so went to morrisons for a walk as much as anything to eat.

While I was at morrisons, I bought a mini quiche and a bag of peanuts and some diet coke.

Anyway, long story short, I got home later after the meeting and scoffed the whole bag of dry roast peanuts. A full 2600 calories worth!

I mean, at this point it's like there's a deathwish and I'm just making these stupid bloody choices for no real reason.

It's not so much the calories that's an issue, I can always fast for a bit longer and ride those out. But this kind of decision making is really toxic and it felt like I'd just hit the self destruct button for no discernable reason. I find myself doing it and sometimes it's like I'm watching my own train wreck you know?

Apologies for the rant. I mean I know that we all have dark thoughts and do daft things. But I *do* know better now. At least before diagnosis I could pretend to myself that my self destructive behavior was just "normal" for me. Now I know better and I still pull this...

I guess tomorrow I'll have to do a proper fast and only eat for dinner with a light salad. Luckily I've got meetings all day (we're interviewing our potential deputy boss), so not like I can do anything stupid while I'm trapped at least.

Super frustrated with myself.

It happens to most of us one time or another.

 

[DebbieC]

Don’t beat yourself up, it could have been much worse.....and everyone sometimes gets really hungry/fed up/stressed at work and cheers themselves up with food! You didnt eat a whole layer of biscuits from a giant box like I did this week as I was having a stressy afternoon at work... felt gross afterwards and don’t even like biscuits.... x

 

[Tee G]

hiya. If you're anything like me, if i 'know' im on a diet or i cant have chocolate, i seem to self destruct, pork pies, crisp, fried this buttered that and or chocolate are in my head stuck there for hours until i give in, and i think to heck with it i dont care im gonna eat it, and eat it i do, then i feel bad, full of guilt and think What was i thinking!!! Well, a lot of us have days like these, and i suspect its pretty normal...and what i will say is it probably isnt the last time something like this happens, you are only human and been thrown, like a lot of us into this other world called diabetes. Dont beat yourself up too much over it, the main thing, i think, is that you have recognised a mistake, you have given it conscious thought and duly ticked yourself off over it. I dont think you will repeat it again anytime soon. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and as they say .....Tomorrow is another day. maybe jot down what you would like to get for lunch when you are out shopping. Having a small pre planned menu in your pocket will help you resist temptation. and keep you eyes to the floor when going past that peanut shelf (Joke!) 😉 You're doing great, keep going and let us know how you're getting on.

 

[Andy HB]

Lesson 1. Never shop when you're hungry!! I'm a sucker for that one and often buy something that I shouldn't (pork pies especially!).
Lesson 2. Never eat peanuts .... hang on, I am actually scoffing some as I type. Yep, I am!

I like my peanuts too. However, I never eat them from the pack. I have a small dish that I put a portion in. That is all I eat on any particular day. It mostly works doing that.

 

[Eddy Edson]

Blame your brain!

It will fight tooth & nail and use any dirty trick it can to stop you from eating less.

Especially if there are peanuts around 🙂

 

[zoombapup]

Blame your brain!

It will fight tooth & nail and use any dirty trick it can to stop you from eating less.

Especially if there are peanuts around 🙂

That's a big part of my frustration. I've had walnuts and had no problem at all stopping myself. But dry roast and I'm a mental case 😡

But you're right, its probably at this point a trigger to eat peanuts. So no more of that for me, only walnuts and only rarely with salad and/or cheese.

 

[Ljc]

Blame your brain!

It will fight tooth & nail and use any dirty trick it can to stop you from eating less.

Especially if there are peanuts around 🙂

But sadly very true in my case .

I love salted peanuts, I could easily eat a whole big bag in one sitting, that’s why I make sure I only have walnuts in the house , I love them too but for some reason my brain doesn’t pull every dirty trick possible to make me eat loads.

 

[Drummer]

did you eat the quiche? Was there pastry?
There's nothing like a dose of pastry to cause a spike, then the drop makes you hungry.
At least the peanuts are relatively low carb.

 

[trophywench]

did you eat the quiche? Was there pastry?
There's nothing like a dose of pastry to cause a spike, then the drop makes you hungry.
At least the peanuts are relatively low carb.

Unless you eat half a ton LOL

zoombapup - you sound like a pretty normal, if a bit bored, human being to me!

 

[zoombapup]

did you eat the quiche? Was there pastry?
There's nothing like a dose of pastry to cause a spike, then the drop makes you hungry.
At least the peanuts are relatively low carb.

Yes, I ate the quiche, but it was a tiny mini quiche with only like 15g carbs or something. My BG was fine all day, it's the calories that have angered me. Well, its me that's angered me about the calories more like.

 

[Eddy Edson]

Yes, I ate the quiche, but it was a tiny mini quiche with only like 15g carbs or something. My BG was fine all day, it's the calories that have angered me. Well, its me that's angered me about the calories more like.

2400 cal = about 400g of peanuts = about 50g of carbs, so you're doing pretty well not to see mjch BG impact.

FWiW, I foil my hungry brain's knavish tricks by having a pretty good idea of how many cals I'm going to eat, at what time, from what etc etc each day. That way I'm prepared when it tries to slip a fast one by me.

Works pretty well except when it doesn't 🙂

 

[zoombapup]

Works pretty well except when it doesn't 🙂

Thanks Eddy, yes probably a good deal of carbs in the nuts. I do usually consider at least the overall calories of what I eat. But in this case it was more a self destructive urge than wanting to eat the nuts specifically. I mean I knew as I was eating them that it was entirely the wrong thing, but it seems some foods trigger me into saying "stuff it, lets keep going" and nuts appear to be one of them.

I'll get me back though, I'm going to OMAD for a week and see how I like it 🙂

Seriously though, without wanting to sound like a fruitloop, clearly there's some behavioural issues revolving food that got me here. I do need to break those old habits and instil new ones or I'll be back again a few years down the road to the DKA almost dying thing again. I need to reprogram myself in lots of ways. Install a new brain OS and reboot 🙂

 

[grovesy]

Nuts aggravate my IBS so I don't eat nuts anymore. Though when I have craving for things I find it is better to eat what I crave, then other options as my case I will overeat those too!

 

[Eddy Edson]

I need to reprogram myself in lots of ways. Install a new brain OS and reboot

That may be about the size of it, IMO.

Might be worth checking out this guy's stuff: https://twitter.com/whsource A leading "Hungry Brain" researcher - he wrote the book! http://www.stephanguyenet.com/thehungrybrain/

I've found some of his academic papers very interesting. Haven't read the book, though.

 

[chaoticcar]

You can tempt me with chocolate cake iced buns sweets etc etc and I turn my nose up
BUT !!!! Peanuts ,a box of Pringles ad I am a gonner😱
Carol

 

[Drummer]

So cut down a bit for a few days - take yourself off for a long walk when the weather permits or buy yourself one of those little trampolines and do a quarter hour bounce twice a day for a week - make the most of how you are feeling at the moment.
I still suspect that the trigger was the dense grain carbs in the quiche - not a personality flaw.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I love peanuts. I always have some in, but I try to only eat a few handfuls - that way I don’t need any insulin for them, and they don’t seem to affect BG.

 

[Grldtnr]

I think we are all foolish sometimes, I know I am, I am not that strict with my diet, bit I do think having a treat now and again is not self destructive forType 2's.