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Advice needed

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wittsend

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hi, new to this but 6 years in to living with diabetes.

My 16 (nearly 17) year old has been t1 for 6 years now. Everything was going very well. Never needed hospital treatment etc. All until about 18 months ago. It was like a switch went off and he didn't want to do anything.

Weve gone through the eating in secret stages, the forgot my kit staged and every other stage that is out there. Now for the past 18 months, he won't do a thing. I mean doesn't check his bloods unless we prompt him. Won't work out carbs unless we tell him. Turns off all alerts on his dexcom.

He goes to college and works so I am having to text him constantly to do something about it. We have meetings with his consultant and he will sit there and call me a liar. Which obviously they say they can see his charts and know he isn't doing anything.

I dont know what to do anymore. I've tried to be nice and sit him down, I've tried to make sure I'm watching him do his insulin. The fighting and screaming matches with him the works. I am at my witts end with him and honestly do not know what or where to go from here.

Please give me any advice or just anything.

Thank you
 
Welcome @wittsend You’re far from the only parent who has had trouble like this. I don’t know if that’s any consolation to you, but it seems quite common.

Silly question, but have you asked him why he’s doing these things? Is it burnout? Wanting to be the same as his friends? Fed up with people judging his numbers?
 
It actually helps, I don't know anyone personally that has t1 so have no one to turn too.

We have asked loads of times and get the same answers "dont know" "don't care".

Hes been told he's not allowed a pump due to not taking care of himself. We bought him a car ready for his 17th, which they've also told him they won't sign him off for a provisional and it's the same answer "don't care".
 
Would he join this forum himself? I’m guessing not but there are young members here like @Lily123 I think sometimes not checking, not carb counting, etc, can become a habit. You know it’s bad but you still do it, like many other things teens do.

Have you tried calmly but explicitly spelling out the consequences of bad longterm control to him. One useful thing someone told me was “You can ignore diabetes but it won’t ignore you”. Whenever I feel like not bothering, I remember that because it’s quite an ominous thing.

Another point is perhaps he’s let things slide so much that he’s finding it hard to get back on track so has given up. Helping him or at least doing things with him when he’s with you might help him feel he’s sharing the load a bit. Sometimes teens don’t like that so you might need to ensure your help is at arm’s length or just simply carb-counting his meals for him and telling him as you place it in front of him.
 
If he’s still injecting, just not testing or counting, then I’d take that as a win. At least he’s getting his insulin. Yes, his sugars will be erratic but he’ll get by. I would however push for him to turn on his Low alarm at least.
 
Thank you for your reply.

Hes now stopped injecting whatsoever. He's been to work today. When he got home I questioned his bloods and his pen said it had been 23hr since his last shot. I didn't know what to do either scream or burst into tears.

I might try and see if he would at least have a look on here
 
That’s very worrying @wittsend Do you know how high his blood sugar is? What basal insulin does he take?
 
It really is. I'm at breaking point. He was 29 at that point. He said he never ate all day so didn't need any insulin. A teenage boy not eat all day ... I'll believe that when I see a pig fly. Ive managed to get it right down by being that very annoying parent but I cant let this become his normal.

Hes on fiasp and treisba.
 
wittsend said:
Hes on fiasp and treisba.
Click to expand...
Glad he’s on tresiba, that’s very long acting (2-3 days) so will at least reduce the risk of DKA a bit from missing insulin for 24 hrs, though obviously being 29 is no good.
 
wittsend said:
It really is. I'm at breaking point. He was 29 at that point. He said he never ate all day so didn't need any insulin. A teenage boy not eat all day ... I'll believe that when I see a pig fly. Ive managed to get it right down by being that very annoying parent but I cant let this become his normal.

Hes on fiasp and treisba.
Click to expand...

It’s so difficult to recommend a strategy that would work best @wittsend Another thought I had is to ask him how he’d feel if you/his grandparent/best friend had something that they could treat but didn’t. How would he feel to have to watch them hurting themselves, damaging their health, refusing to do the basic things to stay ok.

You could also ask him about his future - his plans, his hopes - then address the diabetes and how controlling it will help him have the freedom to live his life.

I also think it’s important to acknowledge that you understand the daily grind of it all. Type 1 really is exhausting and relentless. Acknowledge that, sympathise, say you’ll support him - but also point out that what he’s doing is letting the diabetes win.
 
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