Advice for making friends and support networks in later life ?

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Taffyboyslim

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
I have asked this before but my memory is failing

OK......struggled with anxiety and depression so never had a big friend list or very active social life

56 now , last 12 years has been taken up by caring for parents with dementia .....last year coping with diabetes diagnosis

I live in a semi rural area just outside Cardiff

A lot of the friends I do have are married with children and some have grandchildren .....and the world of work , parenting , school runs , etc has given them plenty of contacts

I have only just realised how isolated I have become so I need to get out there and meet people

It's very difficult continually asking my friends to ask me ....Next time ! .....after I hear of yet another night out or even a few quiet drinks in the pub I have missed

Does anyone relate to this ?

I enjoy fishing but I do that exactly for peace and relaxation

I am not one for theatre, opera , ballet etc but I do enjoy walking and rock music

The problem is I have nobody to go with ?
 
Is there a local ramblers' group in your area @Taffyboyslim? Might be worth a try, most of them are likely to be older and quite sociable. Also, is there a venue near you which puts on regular rock nights? I don't just mean local bands and I'm not even sure if bands gig the way they used to. I used to go to Wolverhampton a lot, and the Buckley Tiv near Wrexham which had well known but not mega groups on regularly. I'm going back to 80s so I'm talking about bands like Magnum, Saxon and the like. Although I used to go with my partner at the time, we'd see the same people so it felt a bit like a home from home.
Other than that I don't really have any ideas because I'm actually quite an unsociable person! I like walking on my own to rock music on my headphones, but I'm lucky in that I work 3 days a week so I do get to meet people. Being single is great in some ways, difficult in others...hope you get some good suggestions.
 
Typical example being this evening

I have a friend I have known since school days . I think it's time to cut him away . He gets in touch if he and his wife need a lift to the train station for a weekend away .

But I often see or hear him out with people we both know and whose company I enjoy . Sometimes they go out for meals , sometimes him and his wife entertain at their place .....but I never get invited

I love fishing and so does he and a few years ago he wanted to learn how to catch sea bass so I taught him and gave him lots of fishing tackle and bait

I then heard he had gone fishing with two guys who are a great laugh . I said why didn't you ask me , I would have loved to have gone ? He said oh it was their trip, it wasn't my place to invite you ?......I thought what a pathetic response

A few weeks ago he and two other school friends met up for a drink in a pub 500 yards from my house . I told him straight I would have liked to have been invited . He apologised and said he would next time .

Well this weekend there has been a food and drink festival here . Yesterday I texted him and he said him and his wife were staying in but this evening, Sunday, they would be out and he would let me know .

I hadn't heard from him so texted him and he told me he was in the pub with friends .

Maybe I need to be slapped about the face and told this guy ....and people like him are simply no good as friends for someone like me .

I think I need to actively find people who are kind and supportive because I think with many you are completely wasting your time
 
Vonny said:
Is there a local ramblers' group in your area @Taffyboyslim? Might be worth a try, most of them are likely to be older and quite sociable. Also, is there a venue near you which puts on regular rock nights? I don't just mean local bands and I'm not even sure if bands gig the way they used to. I used to go to Wolverhampton a lot, and the Buckley Tiv near Wrexham which had well known but not mega groups on regularly. I'm going back to 80s so I'm talking about bands like Magnum, Saxon and the like. Although I used to go with my partner at the time, we'd see the same people so it felt a bit like a home from home.
Other than that I don't really have any ideas because I'm actually quite an unsociable person! I like walking on my own to rock music on my headphones, but I'm lucky in that I work 3 days a week so I do get to meet people. Being single is great in some ways, difficult in others...hope you get some good suggestions.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much x

Saxon , blimey that's part of my youth

Rainbow , Girlschool , Motorhead etc
 
Are there any local clubs running where you could learn something new? If you like music, how about joining a choir? I know someone who moved to a new area and took up climbing and yoga, they now have a whole new group of friends from each club (not saying that you try climbing or yoga..unless you want to). Its hard to get back out there and meet new people but i'm sure you will do it.
 
Taffyboyslim said:
Maybe I need to be slapped about the face and told this guy ....and people like him are simply no good as friends for someone like me .

I think I need to actively find people who are kind and supportive because I think with many you are completely wasting your time
Click to expand...
You certainly don't need friends like this!
 
Taffyboyslim said:
Typical example being this evening

I have a friend I have known since school days . I think it's time to cut him away . He gets in touch if he and his wife need a lift to the train station for a weekend away .

But I often see or hear him out with people we both know and whose company I enjoy . Sometimes they go out for meals , sometimes him and his wife entertain at their place .....but I never get invited

I love fishing and so does he and a few years ago he wanted to learn how to catch sea bass so I taught him and gave him lots of fishing tackle and bait

I then heard he had gone fishing with two guys who are a great laugh . I said why didn't you ask me , I would have loved to have gone ? He said oh it was their trip, it wasn't my place to invite you ?......I thought what a pathetic response

A few weeks ago he and two other school friends met up for a drink in a pub 500 yards from my house . I told him straight I would have liked to have been invited . He apologised and said he would next time .

Well this weekend there has been a food and drink festival here . Yesterday I texted him and he said him and his wife were staying in but this evening, Sunday, they would be out and he would let me know .

I hadn't heard from him so texted him and he told me he was in the pub with friends .

Maybe I need to be slapped about the face and told this guy ....and people like him are simply no good as friends for someone like me .

I think I need to actively find people who are kind and supportive because I think with many you are completely wasting your time
Click to expand...
I would say definitely cut this person loose. Could you contact the other guys directly and invite them to the pub or somewhere?
 
freesia said:
Are there any local clubs running where you could learn something new? If you like music, how about joining a choir? I know someone who moved to a new area and took up climbing and yoga, they now have a whole new group of friends from each club (not saying that you try climbing or yoga..unless you want to). Its hard to get back out there and meet new people but i'm sure you will do it.
Click to expand...
It is but I really appreciate your advice

I am too big to run at my age but walking will be great
 
I think @Vonny's suggestion about a ramblers club is good if you like walking. How about googling whats on in your area and getting out there? Maybe a local pub and get to know regulars, you don't have to drink alcohol.
 
I am a church bell ringer and they are always looking for recruits, people are of all ages from youngsters to people in their 90ies. You mention Cardiff and there are quite a few churches with bells around there. There was a special initiative recently Ring for the King and a lot of people have been being taught of all ages.
It is a brilliant hobby as you meet all sorts of people and are usually welcome to join in with a local group wherever you go. I will see if I can find a contact for your area.
 
I find the biggest challenge is not putting myself in the right environment to meet other people but to build up the confidence to talk to them. Not just tell them you have never run a bell before or that you haven't walked this path before. But to really talk. My job requires me to be outgoing but I know that is a front. I am an introvert. I have been rambling with strangers (but not bell ringing) which was pleasant but I found it very difficult to hold a conversation. I go to the gym but usually work out alone. I go to a spin class but rarely talk to others apart from ask for the spray cleaner when I wipe down the bike at the end.

Yes, definitely join a club to put yourself in a situation to meet others. But that is just the first step. I think you also need to put your big girl/boy pants on to talk to others and form relationships with them.
 
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