a little poem

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scotstigress

scotstigress

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
i hit a major wall today,

with which i cannot deal,

i guess its just been building up,

didnt give myself time to heal,

for 4 month ive been faking it

to everyone im "fine"

but that has all been just a front,

i was walking a fine line.

a life changeing condition

is what i have to bare

to show any sign of weakness

is something i dont dare,

i know they are trying to help me,

to care and understand,

just because my sugars are fine

doesnt mean im grand,

they put things in place to help me,

to take off some of the stress,

but cant they see it makes it worse,

it makes me look a mess,

its not that i dont appreciate it

god knows that i do,

but how would it make you feel

to have someone do YOUR job for YOU?

i guess ill have to deal with it

to swallow all that pride,

cause after what happend on monday

i have no place left to hide,

now theyve seen a side of me

i hoped they ever would

i just hope i can get back to where i was

and lift this depressed mood,

i would challenge anyone

to cope better with my year

walk a mile in my shoes

you'd surely shed a tear,

but all of that is in the past

its something i cant alter

i need to move foward now,

and hope that i dont falter.
 
I think that says it all! Keep you chin up, it will get better! At least thats what I keep telling myself!
 
You sound like a fine person - and not weak at all - give yourself a month - You'll be back ( hope you said that in the right Arnie accent!).Oh! And it is not weakness at all - it is adjustment time!
 
lol cheers guys, i tend to write things down when i get like this, ive lost count of the amounts of scrap bits of paper i have written poems on...lol...its an easy get out clause for me to be abole to write things that i cant express through talking....:D
 
scotstigress said:
lol cheers guys, i tend to write things down when i get like this, ive lost count of the amounts of scrap bits of paper i have written poems on...lol...its an easy get out clause for me to be abole to write things that i cant express through talking....:D
Click to expand...

Great to hear. I know many that do what you describe but rarely share their thoughts with others.

Thank you for doing so on here.
 
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i dont usually share them with anyone except my partner, they liked this one alot so i thought why not. the doc has given me a week off to see if i feel any better after that, if not its tests for depression, id like to say that it gives me strength but it doesnt, if i could say to my boss half of what im feeling i would be fine but i just cant, cant even answer the phone to him, i think i need time to just "be" give up my job as a team leader and go back to being a number, maybe in time i will be emotionally strong enough to do my current role again but atm i dont think im capable, i dont know if in 6 months when i come out of the grace period and my insulin dependence becomes greater that i wont end up the same again, i need to get this under control just now when i have a little leeway, i dont take my insulin when i should i take it when i can and i know thats wrong. i dont want to eat anything coz i feel sick at the thought of food and i know thats wrong too but its just the way i feel at the moment. thats and my partners works for klick munro which has just gone into administration so we dont know if they will have a job by friday......all in all i have had a bad 2 years, maybe the diabetes was just the straw that broke the camels back...:D
 
Take care of yourself and, it you can, avoid taking any major decisions like stepping down as team leader for a while. You may find that a week is not enough to recover especially after such a tough time and don't be afraid to have those tests for depression. Remember we are more prone to it in any case and be sure our thoughts and best wishes are with you
 
Scots,

I just wanted to give you a virtual *hug*. I'm having some time off to try and get my head together too at the moment, and it is so hard trying to be responsible, and remembering there are bills to pay and cats to feed, when all you want to do it leave work and work in the post office for a few hours a morning or something similar. My partner tries to be understanding too, but I feel I have to pretend I'm feeling fine, and that it'll all be good. I feel guilty.

I can't talk to my boss either, she thinks that is is fault of my lifestyle and that I shouldn't have "anything wrong with me" because someone else she knows is managing it really well with diet and never had any symptoms before going to the doctor. I just know it isn't like that for me, and I'm only good for for anything for a few hours in the morning.

We're not the same, but I do understand some of where you're coming from. If you want to chat some time, please, fell free.
 
thanks vanessa and cheers for the hug victoria, i thought i was fine, i though i was dealing but guess not, you are right six cats that wont eat anything but science plan or use any litter except catsan can be expensive lol, luckily our mrtgage is based on my previous salery not my current one so thats something as for my partners work i guess thats something we both have to deal with in time, glad we are insured to the hilt tho...lol, i was always a pesimist, never looked for positives, something was alway gonna go wrong and usually did so it was justified. as for the last 2 years we have suffered 4 bereavements. my partners dad july 06, my aunt in 2006 my mums man march 2007, my brother june 2007, and my uncle nov 2008 and being diagnosed in sept 2008, on top of all that my middle brother was exceptionally close to greg they ran a garage together and he is just devistated, he wont go to the docs even though dad died of a heart attack at 51, greg died at 36 and my oldest brother had a heart attack @ 44, thankfully his was not fatal. mum worries about him which effects her health, and i worry about them both lol, god im sorry i keep going on about it but its good to talk. tell me to shut up if i get annoying. i had to be strong for everyone during those times and i wonder if its because of that i have had no time for me, and its all came to a head now i am no longer invincable..x
 
Scots, keep going. I was off work for 3 months from diagnosis. It took me a long while to feel physically strong and emotionally I was scared too. I found things got better after the 'honeymoon' period as the only insulin in my body was put there by me, so fewer unexpected hypo's. By the way, it's OK to feel unhappy, you seem to have been through an awful lot. Don't bottle things up - if you fell pi$$ed off for whatever reason that's fine. I copped the right ar$e with the whole thing sometimes -but after i'd stamped my feet, shouted and swore a bit i felt much better. Allow yourself a safety valve. The diabetes will become easier to deal with in time - allow yourself that time, OK?
 
cheers guys, i only had 3 weeks off when diagnosed and was treated as a type 2 for 2 of them...lol
 
that poem was very touching and ty for sharing it with us.i was quite the opposite when 1st diagnosed and only lost 1 nite shift from work..seemed to take the whole thing well and was determined it wasnt going to beat me but as the weeks went on i sank lower and lower.wished then that id taken the time out at the start to adjust and take the whole thing in,guess i didnt realise just how much it was going to affect me.with the help and support of my family and the fantastic care team at my diabetic clinic i soon began to lift.
am thinking of you and best wishes being sent your way with a good old welsh cwtch (hug).:)
 
I'm lucky enough to have been able take early retirement before I was diagnosed with Type 2. I'm often heard muttering that I don't know how I would have coped with the learning curve since then, managing the diet, increasing the exercise, running a home and garden, dealing with family and friends, fitting in medical appointments and tests plus having a life/hobbies/fun as well as commuting and working long hours in a senior position. I take my hat off to you - you've certainly had more than enough on your plate

Sadly my husband is allergic to cats so, since meeting him, I did not replace two extremely fussy felines when they died but being owned by 6 must be entertaining!
 
i feel a little better now anyways, i spoke to my boss today and he has a proposal for me so thats good, im going to see him tomorrow so ill keep yall posted..:D
 
Fingers, toes and other bits crossed for you.
Really hope it goes well. As many of us have said to folk in the past "the only way now is up".
A virtual hug from the other coast
 
thanks for sharing the poem, I think it's evident that it's hit a chord with a lot of us. I know when I was first diagnosed I went straight back to work/uni that afternoon! I was absolutely determined that it wasn't going to beat me, fair enough, but I took that to be it wasn't going to affect me at all which I see now, several years down the line, was unrealistic to say the least! As a result I put on a front to everyone, not testing my bloods, not always doing my insulin when I should etc, almost trying to prove I was in charge and in control, I definately wasn't. It took me a long time to admit to myself, let alone others, that things were going to have to change. I did find that once I shared this with people the weight really was lifted and it really does get better!

Sorry, rambled for a bit....!
 
well i spoke to my boss today and he couldnt have been better, given me another role, one thats not on shifts and gave me all the encouragement in the world. i am now 8 till 5 in a different department and think things are looking up, i can use my skills to try and get this new department up and running to an acceptable level without it taking a tole on my health so good news all round...cheers for your support guys
 
Delighted to hear your good news.
All the best in your new role
 
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