6 year old, one week after T1 diagnoses

[chellgales]

So like everyone my world flipped upside down when I got told, I'm still in shock I think. I haven't been right since. my 6yo has been amazing and taking it all in her stride, quite happy to get her insulin done and even helping to load the pens up. I just can't seem to feel happy at all.
I am obversely faking smiles around her as I don't want to pick up how sad I am, my husbands is the same but he's great with all this stuff and just gets on with it where I just sit or curl up in a ball for hours not wanting to to do anything.

is this a normal feeling for parents?

I just want to be able to get on with normal things like cleaning the house or going for walks but I feel stuck.

I have had a lot of sadness this year with my dad only passing a few months ago (as well as an uncle, cousin and the family dog!) and still not really taken that in.

sorry for the sad post I just needed to start somewhere. thank you for reading (apology for gramma and spelling mistakes in advance haha)

 

[Inka]

Welcome @chellgales 🙂 I’ll tag some parents of Type 1s for you @Sally71 @Bronco Billy But what you’re feeling is very normal. A diabetes diagnosis is a huge shock and it takes time to get your head round. It’s all-consulting at first.

Don’t push yourself to do things. Try to stay bright and positive around your daughter, but if you need to sit and do nothing that’s perfectly ok. It’s probably your body/brain’s way of processing it all.

 

[chellgales]

Welcome @chellgales 🙂 I’ll tag some parents of Type 1s for you @Sally71 @Bronco Billy But what you’re feeling is very normal. A diabetes diagnosis is a huge shock and it takes time to get your head round. It’s all-consulting at first.

Don’t push yourself to do things. Try to stay bright and positive around your daughter, but if you need to sit and do nothing that’s perfectly ok. It’s probably your body/brain’s way of processing it all.

thank you for your reply. I guess it is very early days and seeing a lot of the other posts helps me know I am not alone. thank you

 

[Thebearcametoo]

Hi and welcome

My kid was 8 when diagnosed and is now 13. It’s very normal to feel all at sea emotionally in the first few months. Be patient with yourself. Use the team psychologist if you need to and come here when you’re feeling down. Grieving for the life you thought they’d have and sadness they need to deal with it all is very normal. It does get easier. I promise.

 

[chellgales]

Thanks for the reply.

are team doesn't have a psychologist at the moment but thank you its good to have somewhere to go

 

[rebrascora]

A diagnosis like this will affect you in a very similar way to grief. It is a big shock and it feels like a loss for your daughter and on top of all the other grief you have had, this is going to hit you harder. Sending (((HUGS))) and sincerest condolences for your losses. However it is important to understand that modern diabetes treatment and tech is amazing and there is no reason why this diagnosis should stop your daughter from doing whatever she wants in life once you all get the hang of managing it, but it will take more planning even when you are more experienced. I am the most disorganized person I know, but I still manage to muddle along and get pretty good results and do the things I want to do and to be honest my diabetes is a reminder that I need to look after myself and keep fit and healthy, so in many respects I am fitter and healthier than my friends because I need to be. In fact I would go so far as to say that my diabetes diagnosis has probably added years to my lifespan because I am more conscious of what I eat and that I exercise etc.

It does take time to come to terms with the diagnosis though and as a parent it must be 10X harder so do be kind to yourself and take whatever time you need to "grieve" and come to terms with it. It will gradually become your new way of life and we often liken it to learning to drive a car. It all seems incredibly complicated at first and you have to think about every single action mindfully, like dipping the clutch and selecting the right gear and looking in the mirror and indicating but the more you do it, the more your mind goes into autopilot for most of the everyday stuff and then you have to just look out for the out of the ordinary things, but your body just does all the steering and changing gear and braking and indicating without you having to consciously tell it to. You will get to this stage too and so will your daughter. You are obviously really proud of how well she is handling it already and rightly so. You will get there too and if your husband is coping better at the moment then that is great that you can lean on him for now. I am sure that you will make up for it and take your turn.... and more... later, so don't feel guilty, just take the time that you need.

 

[Inka]

A great book, often recommended here is:

Type 1 Diabetes in Children Adolescents and Young People by Ragnar Hanas

It’s good to refer to over time and it can be reassuring to have. There’s a lot to learn so my advice is that you pace yourself. Don’t worry about understanding everything at once. Get the basics going first. Remember too that there’s no such thing as a silly question so ask whatever you want here @chellgales 🙂

 

[LunaLG]

I don't have children myself, but when I got diagnosed (aged 33!) my parents both found it really hard. Even though I'm an adult they really struggled, and my mum still has episodes where she is definitely very sad for me. I think they worry about it an awful lot more than I do! Hopefully you will find some other parents on here to talk to - this forum has honestly been a lifeline for me, so don't be afraid to turn to it for help whenever you (and your daughter) need 🙂

 

[Sally71]

My daughter was the same age as yours when she was diagnosed. You are feeling perfectly normal things, you do have to grieve (for the loss of the life you had), but it does get easier. It sounds like you are still grieving for the other losses you’ve had too, and this is just another thing on top of it. So please be kind to yourself, talk to your hubby or other family members or friends or even contact your GP to ask about talking therapy (round here there are several numbers to ring to ask for help, and you can self-refer).
Diabetes-wise though, just take it one step at a time and learn all the different things you have to do for your daughter. It’s a steep learning curve at first but you will get there and will get used to your new normal. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t carry on with all her hobbies and visiting friends and so on, it just takes a bit more planning and a load of clutter to carry around. And at her age you might have to accompany her to parties and so on for a while (we had just got used to being able to leave our daughter at parties and go back and pick her up later, then diabetes hit and we had to start staying with her again!). In the end though it all becomes normal, my daughter is 17 now and just gets on with it, she can’t really remember not having diabetes it’s just part of life and she doesn’t let it hold her back.
Please also be aware that while your daughter may be taking it in her stride now, there will probably come a point when she suddenly realises that this really is for ever and isn’t a game, and she may rebel a little. Be strong, stick to the routine, give her plenty of cuddles and she’ll get over it.
If you have any questions please do ask, we were all in your situation once and nothing is too silly.

 

[Bronco Billy]

Everything you're feeling is absolutely normal. The children often deal with it better than the parents. 🙂 I was like you but my wife was like your husband and got on with it without getting as emotionally involved. Our daughter was also 6 when she was diagnosed, soon, she'll start her final year at university. You'll probably have lots of questions, so ask away, but for now, be reassured that you will all be OK. 🙂