2 steps forward, 3 steps back!

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sianee

sianee

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
this last 10 days or so have been a nightmare! i thought thing were getting better and i was managing, but im not!!! its not like im not trying or anything but i just cant seem to get to grips with this at the moment! i feel completely lost and helpless! saturday was by far the worst day of my whole life!! i went to see my Dad (who also has type1) on saturday morning after a drunken phone call on friday night, when i got there at 10am i found his front door unlocked and when i went in i could hear a strange noise coming from his bedroom, when i went in i found him on his bed, foaming at the mouth, covered in his own urine and having a fit!!!! it was terrifying! i rang an ambulance and they pumped him full of glucose (180mls to be exact!) and off we went to the hospital! after a telling off from the doctors he was allowed home with me, on our way out the doctor pulled me aside and said that if i hadnt have got there when i did he wouldnt have lasted much longer! :( he'd been hypo for over 12 hours and not one person realised!!! people need to be made more aware of things like this!! to recognise the signs!
this set my sugars completely out of control for the last few days with the stress! how can i make him realise that its not just him that this affecting! its probably selfish for me to say that but i cant deal with looking after my dad when im struggling to look after myself!!! its too much!!!
im sorry for the rant but i needed to get this off my chest!
thanks for a lending an ear! x
 
Oh sianee, what a dreadful experience for you - thank goodness you were there and that he has recovered. In the same way that you have been trying, he needs to take his diabetes seriously. You shouldn't feel that you have to tran and manage his diabetes as well as your own. Might he be persuaded to come on here so that we can offer him some support? Has he ever had an education course, like DAFNE? It's never too late to learn, and meeting other people in similar circumstances can give you huge motivation.

It's not surprising that your levels have suffered through all this - it must be very stressful :( Don't beat yourself up over it, I hope that things improve once the dist has settled. 🙂
 
Hi Sianee

You must have been so shook up by Saturday, your BMs are bound to be affected by the stress. You might need to temporarily up your insulin till things settle for you.

I agree with Northerner that you shouldn't feel you have to look after your Dad as well as yourself. I also know this is easier said than done. You mentioned other people not noticing - so I assume he is living in a house with other people. Could you talk to them and explain how to recognise a hypo and what to do - which if they feel they can't physically help would be to get them to call an ambulance. If you felt the other people were keeping an eye on your Dad it might take the strain of you a little and reduce your stress.

Could you write your Dad a letter explaining how frightened you were on Saturday, and that you don't want to lose him, and ask him to please get some help in learning to control his BMs (and whatever else may be going on).

Its really hard for you put keep posting here even if it just to rant and let stuff out.
Take care and sending you hugs.
 
i have tried to encourage him to get help but he just wont! he's set in his ways and he keeps telling me he is embarrassed!! in a way i can understand that, its a pride thing more than anything, i know how hard it is to admit defeat but he just wont pick himself up and dust himself off and start again! i feel like im fighting a loosing battle. its like he has hit the self destruct button and to hell with the outcome!!! i cant watch him kill himself and thats exactly what he is doing! :( i dont know what i can do to make him realise!? part of me wants to give up trying and just let him get on with it but he's my dad and i cant!
there are so many things i feel like im contending with at the moment and its all getting a bit too much! i dont feel like i have anyone to talk to or to just have a rant to! i feel like my family are getting tired of my moaning to be honest! i just wish for once things could go right for me!!! :(
 
Sianee if he has alcohol problems (I don't know what the problems are) there is an organisation that helps friends and relatives come to terms with what is happening.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

You could also have a word with your GP, as there is only so much you can cope with by yourself - there may be a counsellor attached to your practice who will help you come up with strategies.
 
Not sure what to say that might help but a few days ago I had a real heart rending chat with my girlfriend, who told me I need to start taking responsibility for my own daibetes or she can't help me to get better control. I was feeling really sorry for myself and realised I always had.

It did me a world of good to hear it thrown at me by someone I love.

Not sure if a simialr thing would work for your dad to realise that you can't wave a magic wand and cure him, but if he helps himself, you'll give him support and encouragement, and he can help you too.

I'm 45, I've been at this for 32 years and had to face up to being childish before I could really help myself.

Best of luck with it.

Rob
 
thanks for all the advice guys.
margie - that website is great! yes my dad's problem is a lot to do with drinking! there is a meeting just down the road from me tomorrow night and im going to go, just to get advice if anything else!
Robster65 - i have had the same talk with my boyfriend time and time again! and it does really hit home! but with my dad it doesnt seem to make a difference what i say to him! it always stays the same! i dont think he wants to change! but i suppose there is no harm in trying again. i think i will just have to sit down with him, just the 2 of us and really tell him where im coming from and hopefully we can help each other.
i appreciate all your advice and comments, thanks guys x
 
Sianee, it can't have been fun for you at all. It is difficult sometimes to care for and support others when we are struggling ourselves. I hope things work out for you. I'm glad you were able to come here and tell us all about it and get some help. I'm sure in time things will get better.
 
I'm sorry you had to go through it, I'm afraid alcoholism are self inflicting and they are selfish they won't get better or get help until they asked for help themselves. So you should step back and focus on yourself, you will get ill with this stress or pressure then who will look after him. Be strong and put yourself first and do what you can for your dad.
 
Hi Sianee
I'm sorry that you have been through so much pain and stress over your father. I agree with most of the advice offered, but as a 71 year old father myself I would add to that advice, that when you have that chat with your dad, make sure it is a chat and not a lecture, people tend to treat us older people of being stupid and tend to treat us that way albeit not intentionally and we tend to rebel over that treatment. I have tried to show this from an older persons view, I hope I have made sense for you, good luck and best wishes.

John
 
UKjohn, I am 20 years younger than you, but still old enough to be considerd old and stupid by youngsters. I hate those lectures and being treated like I don't know anything too!
 
Oh Caroline...now you make me feel even older :D

Your still in your youthfull days and just as pretty , I bet..😉

John
 
sianee said:
this last 10 days or so have been a nightmare! i thought thing were getting better and i was managing, but im not!!! its not like im not trying or anything but i just cant seem to get to grips with this at the moment! i feel completely lost and helpless! saturday was by far the worst day of my whole life!! i went to see my Dad (who also has type1) on saturday morning after a drunken phone call on friday night, when i got there at 10am i found his front door unlocked and when i went in i could hear a strange noise coming from his bedroom, when i went in i found him on his bed, foaming at the mouth, covered in his own urine and having a fit!!!! it was terrifying! i rang an ambulance and they pumped him full of glucose (180mls to be exact!) and off we went to the hospital! after a telling off from the doctors he was allowed home with me, on our way out the doctor pulled me aside and said that if i hadnt have got there when i did he wouldnt have lasted much longer! :( he'd been hypo for over 12 hours and not one person realised!!! people need to be made more aware of things like this!! to recognise the signs!
this set my sugars completely out of control for the last few days with the stress! how can i make him realise that its not just him that this affecting! its probably selfish for me to say that but i cant deal with looking after my dad when im struggling to look after myself!!! its too much!!!
im sorry for the rant but i needed to get this off my chest!
thanks for a lending an ear! x
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Dear Sainee So so sorry to read about your problems, you have had a dreadful time. No, you are defintely not selfish, you have a big weight on your shoulders and understanderbly you are finding it hard. Could you talk to your dad, pour your heart out to him and tell him HOW YOU FEEL( I have had problems with my dad in the past, and didn't see him for 2 weeks, because I couldn't cope with him and I had had enough, but it wasn't to do with diabetes). Hope things work out for you, A big hug from me to you. Sheenax
 
I hope that you did attend the local Al Anon meeting, they should be able to help you see that you cannot make anybody do what you think is the right thing. It is very hard to watch somebody you love press self destruct, and they will be able to advise you how not to enable your Dad to drink.

Hopefully, he can accept his problem and get some help too. xx
 
Hi Sainee, hope the meeting went well, but no need to report back, unless you want to. Thinking of you in this tough situation.
 
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